Mo Solo (The lonely goatherd)

blogsense

2006-08-27T04:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I blogged... yayy. But, everytime I checked my own blog (once every couple of months...eh), always felt that the first post was too depressing. So here's a different post... coz I am not depressed. I'm a happy guy.
especially as I now own a car:D

I just got back from a looong drive. 4am. slightly misty outside as it had rained all yesterday. Was awesome:-D. Just drove out along some backroads...got lost... and came back. It was beautiful:-D
compare it to traffic on Indian roads:-S

Of course..I miss Indian traffic too... but I always remember those long drives I took along the coast of the town where I was born. Today reminded me of that
:-D

yayy for golden memories:-)

to blog or not.......

2005-11-12T20:50:00.000-05:00

I feel disillusioned. I want to blog... but I am tired of doing the same old things. I repeat myself way too often...

So

this blog...is probably best explored by checking out my fav posts through the drop down list to the left. I don't think I can better those.
If I do feel inspired someday, I'll put them up too:)

:)

-Mohan.

Skirts

2005-09-28T05:36:00.000-05:00

well... I never did get around to completing those posts that I was tagged for...one by Lisa.. another by Vidhur... sorry girls...I guess I don't like tags.

Now, I stopped blogging as I was sick and tired of my dad telling me that I was wasting time blogging. But today, I find myself in the enviable position of being incommunicado with my dad (if that's the right word for it). I simply find this a better way of loving him. Better to smile and stay silent than open your mouth and make things worse. True for so many things.

Well..I was just watching a movie. You've got Mail. Yep. This is such a lovely movie. It's got Meg Ryan in one of those sweet cute roles and she wears such wonderful outfits. I love her in those long skirts... that so seem to be out of fashion nowadays. I loove those long skirts. It's a pity that so few women seem to wear them around here. And then...Tom Hanks has Brinkley... that adorable Golden Retriever. The scene where Tom Hanks is pacing back and forth trying to decide if he should email Meg Ryan after she insults him in the cafe.....I love the dog following him around. You can hear the clicking of his feet on the wooden floor... makes me want to get a dog:(.

update:
I'm back at college for grad school now.

I loved you for a while

2005-08-18T02:53:00.000-05:00

and now I'm moving on.

I don't think I will be posting here any more. I might ...just jot a couple of things once in a while... but not regularly...or even close to regularly.

though feel free to email me

m rokkam ate gmail doit com

(figure that out;) )

later folks
-Mohan.

of tomatoes and more

2005-06-03T00:54:00.000-05:00

Okays....

if u have noticed..I have this wonderful background colour for my blog now. Can u believe it.. it's called 'tomato'!!! Yayy for tomatoes. Speaking of which, I experimented with my cooking skills on my poor unsuspecting dad. I made tomato dal (a kind of tomato-lentil ....errm... for lack of a better word... soup.) and fried potatoes. yeah baby... it came out decently good!!!

and this despite not sleeping all night.
which I have managed to do yet again... 2nd night in a row.
so.. landed here... slept for 12 hrs... up all night... nap for 4 hrs... up all night. My dad is kinda upset :-p
mwuahahahahahahahahaha

blogging away without passion

2005-06-01T20:54:00.000-05:00

Ahh... to be passionate about something. I really sincerely doubt that I am passionate about something. I mean, I do things because I have to, or because I want to..or even because I need to. But I don't recollect doing something because I am passionate about it. Isn't that weird? Or is it sad?

Today, I was reading this article by Kumaramangalam Birla (The head of the Aditya Birla group, one of the larger business houses in India). It is an article on smart managing.. and he talks of two different kind of people in a company. The 70% that go through life following rules, meeting deadlines, and basically drudging through work without worrying. Then there is the other 30% that break the rules and are high flying. Am I in that boring 70%, so essential to a firm, but...oh so boring? I feel a certain lack of passion that makes me feel that it is so. Or is it just a temporary lack of interest that makes me feel no passion. I mean, I do my bit. I just don't feel the need to go above and beyond my normal life to do something just because I am passionate about it.

And then, there is my inherent fear of commitment. No folks, not when it comes to women.. I fear committing my time. I don't join clubs because I am afraid that sometime in the future, I will feel the need to do something else and the club will keep me away from it. I am talking about semester long commitments here. A day, or even a week, I can do things just fine. What is this fear?

random link as my mind deviates: Autoblogger (originally linked from Lisa's blog.

I finished "The Three Musketeers" today. It's a wonderful story of love, intrigue, passion, revenge and hatred that I have really enjoyed. It would probably come under the category of "bestseller" if written today (something that my dear friend Vanishing often says is just not worth reading). The book also had an interested foreward and a rough idea of the life of Alexander Dumas (the author), his methodology of writing this book, and a little bit of history too about 17th centure France in which period of time, the book is based. The reprint also points out some parts where Dumas referred to objects that only came into existence in the 18th or 19th centuries. This brings me to the movie Veer Zara, a long winded Hindi movie that is partially set in the 60's or 70's. I noticed that there were objects in the movie that were not in existence at that time. I mean, one simply did not have Deluxe Volvo buses in India in the 1960's or 70's. There were plenty of other such instances which kinda made the movie seem unrealistic. And then I remembered how directors had spent millions to recreate scenarios realistically. Maybe one calls it art...or passion... and others call it foolishness.

My heart throbs ever so often... in pain and in fear... but it shall hold out for life is something that is to be faced with a song on one's lips and a smile on one's face. Let my song be Dido's White Flag.

It's 6am and I promised my dad I would cook something for lunch. Maybe it will be good for me to cook it now.. and then go to sleep. For I can wake up and warm it up for him. After all I need to serve him, my father, my hero, my teacher and my enemy.
So, I leave you with this rhyme. I often hum this tune, without thought, when I am deeply engrossed...
"Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream."

Abu Dhabi Ahoy

2005-05-31T15:46:00.000-05:00

awrighty folks!! It's paartee time.
yep.. 33 hours after I left my aunt's place in Chicago, here I am in the city of Abu Dhabi.. safe and sound.. and EVEN ONLINE!!! yayy for that. Not that it has been completely uneventful

first of all, when I went to the airport to return the car, I realized that the firm that I had rented the car from (enterprise) wasn't available at the standard airport location. Not knowing the location, I parked at a reasonable spot and called the 1-800 number to be given the local branch's number (This being Memorial day, not many people were up and working in the US :-S). But darn it.. calling the branch only sent me to this voice mail that said the branch was closed. DARN IT. My flight was in 2.5 hours!!! (I had started a bit early.. giving me plenty of time...) I called up enterprise 2-3 times. I guess that there were like 3 people working all the phone lines. One time, I got hung up on.. another time, I was told to just find the place as it was shown as 'open'. So, I parked the car at a hotel parking lot on the way and asked a cabbie. This guy, a sweet eastern european guy (I guess...from his accent), told me the way. So, off I went.. and his directions being so good, I managed to find it pretty quickly. The shuttle driver that dropped me off was also very nice. He actually refused a tip from some people (Now now now...I am still a college student!!! don't expect me to give tips like that!!) And he helped ppl with their luggage. All in all, a good experience.

now... came the fun part. Travel!!! Checking in took no time... the first flight went by pretty quickly too. This high school girl sat next to me.. she wasn't much of a talker...but she did chat a bit just before we landed. maybe she was scared of my moustache.
ooh... then came a 7 hour layover in Cincinnati. 7 hours!!! for a while, I sat in an empty corner of the terminal. I mean.. there was almost NOONE there... as there were no flights there for a few hours. All this time, I has some good company in Dumas' "The Three Musketeers". Then.. an 8 hr flight to London Gatwick. This was kinda painful..I did think that Delta had better aircraft but this one was slightly cramped. The guy next to me was this tallish Oriental guy who looked even more uncomfortable than me. A quick halt in London Gatwick where I decided to walk rather than use the moving sidewalks. It was a long walk but good exercise between sitting still for ages. Emirates was a nice flight from London to Dubai. The flight got a bit delayed.... but not by too much. I was bout 300 pages into the Three Musketeers now (out of around 700). And to top it off, sitting next to me was this really charming old British couple.. coming to Dubai to visit their son. Very friendly, jocular and helpful. It was nice. And really sweet to see them. The gentleman was telling me as to how emirates was one of the best airlines he had flown in, and considering his age and the places he mentioned that he travelled to, I am sure that he was well qualified to make that statement. And I agreed. There was plenty of leg space, even more than I remembered from earlier. I watched "In Good Company" for a while and then was sleeping on and off.. and eating food..and reading...and before too long, was in Abu Dhabi. was out of the airport in around half an hour!!! That WAS quick. Drove down to Abu Dhabi.. and here I am.

I love flying for one main reason. The views can be spectacular. I got a window seat on my flight from London to Dubai and it was so beeyootIful. We flew over green cities... quaint towns with plenty of houses... seas and rivers....small undulating hills...sand dunes stretching for miles... seas bordered by yellow strips of coastlines... rivers. Then there are the majestic clouds. But my best memory is that of another aeroplace.. zooming through the sky.. flying towards us. The speed is just so incredible. You can see the stream of water vapor that they leave behind them... and you get a good idea of the speed of aircraft from that angle. Oh My. Thank goodness that the aeroplane was flying at a different altitude. It was Lovely.

now, I better go freshen up...

moments... that's what life is made up of... moments and experiences

2005-05-29T20:58:00.000-05:00

moments... that's what life is made up of... moments and experiences

well..today had it's share of moments .. and experiences. I spent some quality time with the tv. And then came a distant cousin...so out to dinner. Then on to meeting another friend. By the time I got home, it was pretty late. Well, anyways.. the moments were all in the meetings. The experience came later. I got home.. put the car in "park", started taking out the books that were in it (a road atlas and a book I bought for the journey... "The Three Musketeers". And I lock the car.. step out.. and close the door..realizing a few seconds later that the car was still running and that I was locked out. Luckily, I had the garage door opener out too..so I come in, call up enterprise (where I had rented the car from).. and they sent a guy over...to unlock it free of charge!! (or maybe it was free as I had taken out the insurance....something like that). Anyways.. it was really nice. And it was an experience. I now know how it's done. But the scary part was how easy it was to unlock the car. Just a wedge, and a little lever... and voila.. the car's open!!!(under 30 seconds....!!!)

and I leave tomm morning. Yay!!

I am a DOG

2005-05-29T00:52:00.000-05:00

Yeah... I am a dog..or atleast I must have the tracking abilities of a dog. I mean..how else can u explain this. I wanted to eat Burger king for dinner (yummmmy onion rings). I was in Lisle and I had no clue where the nearest Burger king was. So...I head out... along a main road.. and take a random turn onto another main road.. (after crossing a few main roads in between).. and woah....I see a Burger King by the side. I am like... wooooow...groooovy. I mean.. I didn't even make one complete circle...
So..I went in and got the onion rings (Ohhh THEY ROCK!! especially with the zesty sauce). Then... bought some stuff to take back home, came back, packed.. and here I am online,... relating my experiences.

I am also such a fool. I drove down to Purdue.. expecting someone to be there. I call ppl once i reach the place... and noone answers..so..I hang around for an hour. Really get bored.. and head back before it gets too late and I am too tired to drive back. On the way...ppl call saying..OOoh..sorry...:-|. Oh well... am back in Chicago now. Did manage to get stuff done. and am now dead tired
must sleep early.. must not die.. must sleep early.
Awrighty ppl...gooniite

Travelling and trekking

2005-05-27T23:27:00.000-05:00

I am heading out on Monday for India..my homeland.. and the land of my dreams.

I want to go trekking...travelling... seeing things.. smell the sweet stink of home sweet home.. and enjoyying myself with family, friends and others..

Well.. just wanted to post a quick post but my mind is too blank. As usual, I packed at the last minute (though I kept everything ready....beforehand). Now.. just a little more work.. and I can head back.

count up...count down...count up...count down....count sheep...count lizards...count bleh... enough. Babyeee. Gotta sleep early and be up earlyyy

Embarrassed?

2005-05-23T02:32:00.000-05:00

Yeah... today was kinda embarrassing. I went with my nieces to this place where they were dancing. It was supposed to some Indian people's event.. and I was thinking it was like one of the other one's where my nieces had danced at. Plenty of Indians... dressed casual-semi-formal.. And since it's been a while since I had done my laundry...I was in a round-neck T shirt and jeans. Yeah. T-shirt and Jeans. And guess what I saw the moment I entered there. It was a "special" thingie.. with tickets (donation?) at around 35 bucks and most people wearing suits and all. And the secretary of state was the chief guest (A Mr. Jesse White:-S~). Ahh.. felt so overdressed;). Yeah. Oh well.. I very well could not go back and change. I should thank the family-friend for going out of his way to make me feel comfy. Yeah.....

but my nieces danced well and it was fun. They got so hyper that they continued dancing on the floor all through the food. Speaking of which.. the food was goooooood. And after a potluck lunch... Oh man..I'm growing a fattt!!! :-S. Gotta controlll ..keep those oreos away from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mo Solo (The lonely goatherd)

2005-05-19T02:54:00.000-05:00

Ok..

My last few posts have been pretty dry

but some stuff has been going on in my life ... so..first.. the updates

I managed to get admitted to Purdue's grad school for a masters. Now, I do not have any aid.. but what I do have is an admission. So, I intend to travel to India for my cousin's wedding, travel around a bit, get back and work my a$$ off. So, I leave this month end for India. It's going to be an interesting trip. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things go well. The way that things have gone in the past, I don't expect anything to work out smoothly. I will have to adjust and see how things get along. But all said and done, things should get along well.

So, the past few weeks... what have I been doing? I went to Purdue a few times... worked on getting the paperwork done so I can return to Purdue, applied for various TA positions, etc. I am still applying for jobs. What can I say...I have hope... but one never knows:)

Today was an interesting day. I needed to go to across the city to Devon Avenue to sign for, and pick up my tickets. I thought that it would be too much work for my cousin to take me in the middle of the week, the place being a good one hour drive from her home. So, I decided to explore the city by myself. Of course, I knew that a train went pretty close there...so it wasn't really heading out into the blue. So, I took a book (very appropriately, I am currently reading "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer". Aye, it was an adventure that I set out on. Though I initially planned on leaving at 7am when my uncle left for work, I stayed up too late (reading) and also decided that it wasn't worth it to push my way along during rush hour. And since the baby sitter would be around all day (even though the nieces went off to school), I decided to just relax and ask her to drop me off at the local train station.
So, I set off around noon. The first train dropped me off at Downtown Chicago by around 1:30 pm. It was a longish ride (being a slow mid-day train), but I read a bit and mostly dozed off. There were also some good looking women on the train that managed to keep me occupied when I was awake;)

Then, I started for the next train station, around 5 blocks away, at a brisk pace. As I was walking, my stomach rumbled a small complaint and I decided to look out for a good place to eat at. And Voila...I passed by a Jimmy Johns (one of my favourite sandwich places). However, the sandwich that I ordered wasn't how I liked it....bah. Well, onwards ho to the subway train station. I reached there, figured out how to get a ticket, and walked in (with some minor difficulties at the entrance to get in ..) The...ON the subway... wheeeee!!! another half an hour (while the subway went from below ground to being suspended above ground)... and I was almost at the end of my journey. Now to find my way to Devon Avenue. With my book firmly clenched in my hands, I set out...
walkity walkity walk.... hum ho walking I go.....1 block...2 blocks... 10 block...I walked for half an hour... and reached the end of my journey. I entered the room to meet my travel agent... she wasn't exactly how I had pictured her from her voice.. but hey..I'm just a kid right? What do I know?
10 mins later, ticket in hand, wallet empty of a few hundred dollars, I set back...this time I did not waver... nor did I have to ask for directions. My way down, I kept looking at buildings to figure out the building number and figure out how far away I was. (A trick that I learnt in India when I was exploring new places. I would look at store signboards. Most places included the address below the name of the shop... which let me know the name of the locality). But now, I just walked like in a trance. Just thinking random thoughts.. and just wanting to get back in time for my cousin to pick me up....and back on the train...reading..and waiting... walk walk walk back through downtown...(rush hour pedestrian traffic).. back on the train to the suburbs (express train this time).. and by 6pm was back!!!

another day gone by...in a rush...

Hmmm.. enough said for this post

wonder who reads this anymore...you shld leave a comment or something:)

nothing

2005-05-15T18:21:00.000-05:00

yeah... see.. nothing going on...so nothing to write..or something like that

will be updating soon enough:D

noses and more

2005-05-10T22:59:00.000-05:00

Okies...
I HAD to blog about this. Some people might find it gross.. but oh well. People find many natural things gross:-D

Well.. coming to the point,

today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and noticed this humongous hair in my nostril. And when I say Humongous, I don't mean that it was loong. it was a bit longer than the rest.. but it was FAT and BLACK and ... really really stiff. So, i cut it off and took a closer look at it. Sheesh. it scared me. It was as fat as 2-3 of my normal hairs.. even thicker than my moustache hair. I mean.. it was THICK. Oh well.. now that aberrant hair has been put in it's place.. and my nostril looks a bit .. cleaner.

Well, back to my normal life.. I went to Purdue to see off some friends... and find out stuff about my admission
I drove back Indian style... dropping 2 friends off at the airport with all their luggage (ended up filling one side of the back seat with suitcases.. the trunk was packed.. etc etc etc)
I also managed to catch a cold/cough. So.. my cure... any phlegm.. spit it out first thing. This clears my throat and nose... faster... So I sorta feel better today. And of course, eat well no matter what. As my mom keeps saying.. "Feed a cold and starve a fever

Other than that... just hoping/dreaming of my India trip.

more personality tests

2005-05-04T22:54:00.000-05:00

I was sitting here... getting bored.. especially as noone seems to comment on my blog anymore. Anyways.. I was sitting here and I thought.. why not take some personality tests...

here's what it said

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	80%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|	16%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Food indulgent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|	10%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|	10%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

------------------

But the most important was this
trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

thought I pretty much answered the questions directly...

lets see...some more tests?

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results

Gregariousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Poise	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Leadership	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Provocativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Self-Disclosure	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Talkativeness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Group Attachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	72%
Understanding	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Pleasantness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Tenderness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Nurturance	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Conscientiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Efficiency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Purposefulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Organization	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Rationality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Planning	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Happiness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Moderation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Toughness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Impulse Control	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Imperturbability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Cool-headedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Tranquility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Ingenuity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Reflection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Competence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Quickness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Creativity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Depth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	57%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test

and the key is

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	82%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	78%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	70%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	74%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	54%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	62%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	86%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	74%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	70%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	74%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	50%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	78%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	74%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	54%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	58%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	58%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	66%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	70%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	70%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	58%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	58%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	50%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	70%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	54%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	74%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	54%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	38%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	78%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	70%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	74%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	58%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	74%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	54%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	66%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	62%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	62%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	42%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	54%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	54%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	90%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	78%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	38%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	78%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	50%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	30%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test

A series of unfortunate events

2005-05-03T01:06:00.000-05:00

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey. "

Saw this very interesting movie. A bit depressing at times I should say.. but the movie ended on a positive note. Having 2 nieces, i do know that there are 13 books in the series, out of which, 11 have been written. I don't think I can begin reading the series till all 13 are written. Oh god, the suspense would kill me. Not that I cannot handle it.. but the movie is just written (yeah.. the movie IS written) in such a despairing tone, that it kinda makes one cling onto every ounce of hope, and you know.. that kind of sad stories are not for me. I mean, this is not the right time or the correct place. I mean, I have a bunch of serious, possibly thought provoking movies that I have yet to see, but have not only because of a strange foreboding that watching such movies will not be too good for me.

Speaking of which, i was trying to read "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne.. and the first few pages kept putting me to sleep. However, hope abides. I have found "The Godfather" at the local public library. A book that I have been intending to read for the past many MANY years, but which was never available at Purdue (Their copy was stolen.. those darned *&^$@&^%$ socks?). So, yeah... that's going to entertain me for a while. I also went to the mall this weekend and bought myself some books. A book collection for my kids (and myself) that I have started today. Not exactly today and not exactly for my kids. These are books I have wanted to reread (or read a non-abridged version of) since god knows when. I know that I only got into reading because there were so many books lying about the house (and having parents that encouraged reading helped of course). So, I bought "The adventures of Tom Sawyer", "The Count of Monte Cristo", "The Call of the Wild" and "White Fang". Well bound books, all for the good sale price of 20$. (buy 2 get 1 free hehehehe). And I had purchased a few books last time (though not as well bound.. and not such great books... but good books nevertheless:
"The Great Gatsby", "The Scarlet Letter" (That I will get down to reading eventually), and "O'Henry award winning Short Stories for 2003" (or something like that).

So, that's a start. Lemme see.. what other books do I have. "Siddhartha" and "The Alchemist" gifted to me by a good friend, "Allan Quartermain" (the continuation of King Solomon's mines... that I brought from India), 2 books of short stories by Isaac Asimov gifted to me by my sister, another Sci-Fi book gifted to me by my friends for a birthday (and another Asimov book too I believe.. they did gift me two books... don't recall it that well...bleh..sorry folks). Hmmm.. what else... "Lectures in Physics" by Richard P Feynman gifted to me by my profs at college, I E Irodov (ahh that classic book of Physics problems)... I think that is about all the books that I can care to remember.Oh.. Wait.. I Do have Mahatma Gandhi's "My Experiments with Truth" brought from India.. and a copy or two of the Bhagvad Gita (both gifted to me after I came here). I should also have a copy of the Hanuman Chalisa..and a few other books by Swami Vivekananda and Swami Ramakrishna Paramhamsa. Well well well. now I am beginning to really get boring.

Books.. I simply love books. But there is one thing I will never forget. Each and every exam, I would suffer from a severe case of sniffling, sneezing and nose-dabbing. At least for one day. It was like a known fact. I figured out the reason only recently... Dusty Books!!! Hehehe. I bet my parents will want to kick me now. But I never did too badly.

and I end with the quote from the movie "A series of unfortunate events" with which I began this rather bizzare and random blog

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

Kal Ho Na Ho

2005-05-01T05:39:00.000-05:00

Listening to: "Kal ho na ho"

"Life is like sunlight, changing shape every second.
Sometimes it is dark with shadow..another, it is too bright and sunny
But savour every moment here on this earth....
For one can never be sure of a tomorrow"
(my personal translation of the first verse of the song)

I want to blog something. But my mind is simply too broken to think of anything worthwhile. Maybe the fact that it is almost 6am has something to do with it. Well, it still is going to be a nice day. When I wake up.

well, since I cannot think of anything else, how abt another song that I like?

Johnny Cash: Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

...
Lyrics

another of my fav songs

Glen Medeiros: Nothing's gonna change my love for you

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Lyrics

Another one...

Frank Sinatra: Strangers in the night

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wond’ring in the night
What were the chances we’d be sharing love
Before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.

Lyrics

Yeah... enough for now:-)

(p.s. I soo love robert miles... I was driving to that music today...so SO SOOO lovely but that's for another day)

Demands

2005-04-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

Ever get the feeling that you don't deserve someone because all you have ever done was demand something from them but never have anything to give back? And you feel that that is so because you just don't know what to give, and all that you CAN give, they already have?

Finding Neverland

2005-04-28T04:06:00.000-05:00

If you believe in fairies, clap your hands

*clap clap*

After all, growing old is compulsory, growing up isn't.

Crazy or what?

2005-04-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

Ok... back to Chicago. Caught a train back to Chicago Prettty early in the morning. Anyways... the trip was pretty uneventful... I finished reading "Interpreter of Maladies" by Jhumpa Lahiri and realized that she has a pretty standard theme to most of her stories. They tend to revolve around academics, many of whom end up studying at MIT or similar institutions.. and their kids. Darned brilliant folk eh!! And she is pretty darned cynical about love and marriage. So.. that's the negative part. But maybe she is too much or a realist.. unlike me. I like to believe in all things being good and nice and that everyone (or almost everyone) is a great person.

Which makes this kinda funny as I now go on to make fun of this guy I saw on the train down to Chicago. He was this guy with a small CUUUTE smiley baby sitting two rows in front of me.. and talking across the aisle with another lady... about STAR WARS!!! Yep... that's right. he was a Star Wars nut. I mean... the whole 'Planters nuts' deal. He had read the star wars books and the comics, collected various figures.. played many star wars games (on the computer and in real life...) and so on.. and so forth. Not that it is anything bad... but I just found it interesting that someone can be THAT interested in a movie or a book and that a simple story can cause people to get that deep into something. I mean.. it isn't even real.. and he is talking of jedi moves and people 'learning' Jedi moves...
But then again... I have friends that are big into role-playing games (no no.. not THAT kind of role playin... just dressing up as wizards and so on casting spells etc and running around with fake swords etc). I guess it is a kind of way to bring some meaning into your life... find something to do.

Food's good

2005-04-23T06:31:00.000-05:00

Went for lunch to Fazoli's. MmMMmmmm. Good food. And it was darned cheap too...especially this one dish that my friend showed me. Ate a lot. And as she said...the chocolate cake was reallly yummy. Too bad I was too stuffed to eat more than a bite. Bah.

Went to the lafayette brewing company for dinner with HKN (The Purdue EE honor society) (some friends in it actually...I never joined the society...it wasn't worth the effort) Decent food.

went bowling in the evening. I scored the lowest...BUT
My ruby ring (which is normally a dark opaquish maroonish red) glowed blood red under blacklight (UV ehh).
Wicked!!

Saw Napolean Dynamite. so so movie.
up till too late...now. 6:40 am...and I just had a shower as my hair felt icky. Bah.. have to wait till it dries out completely....

Dil Kehta hain...chal unse mil..uthte hi kadam...rukh jaate hain...
hum dil ko kabhi samjhaate hain...dil humko kabhi samjhaati hain
(hindi song lyrics... translated as... My heart tells me..go visit her..but my foot halts even before I get up.
Sometimes...it is the heart that consoles us... at other times, we have to console our hearts)

ri-rick..di-rick

2005-04-20T09:40:00.000-05:00

Trains... that go ri-rick..di-rick... ri-rick di-rick. Swaying gently ... lulling it's passengers in a cocoon of steel. I have always loved trains. The disorganized organization in the stations.. the vendors selling books, food items, toys, chains and locks.. (all this in India of course...). And the 'coolies' The men in red shirts that carry luggage.. arguing with people. The train announcements in three languages.... In the midst of all that excitement, the train waits serenely.. arriving and leaving at it's appointed moment (usually) with no consideration for the shouts and screams of others. One sees people waving through the windows, peering through some searching for their loved ones... running to buy a last minute snack or reading material.

And once we are travelling.. it is another kind of life. Sitting down or sleeping... walking up and down a bit. making friends... or staring at the person sitting next to you or across from you. But most of the time, I would look outside the window. The second class coaches in india have open windows with grilled bars to prevent people from falling out. So, a brisk warm wind blows in most of the time. Of course, if it is raining or too cold, we get to close the window with a glass shutter or a steel shutter with vents.

And we fly past cities and towns... little villages consisting of a few houses, a cow or two grazing in the backyard. Fields after fields...brown, green or black depending on the time of the year. Sometimes, all one sees are rocky plains surrounded by rocky hilld. Some people wave to you. Sometimes, they are busy using the area as an open air bathroom and they rather you were not there to stare at them. But all the time, the train keeps flying past. Not waiting to give me a second glance of something... but like a film at a theatre... moving on all the time.

I spent a lot of time in trains yesterday. I caught a train to Purdue. The soft swaying of the train, the clicking of the wheels as they bounced from one rail to another.. all of it took me far away. And then there was the view from the window. villages and towns....a few lights in the distance...marking the presence of humanity. Trees swept by, dark and morose. Canals and shiny snaking rivers...

The beauty of it all kept me awake.

And then there was the book. 'The Namesake' by Jhumpa Lahiri. A very wonderful book. There were times when I looked up from the book, and away, to stop the onslaught of tears that seemed to be perched at the edge of my eyes. It spoke of love and confusion. Of family and responsibilities. I wanted to call my parents, tell them how much they meant to me, and always have. I have stayed aloof..and yet, I feel so close. Today, I realized that I know nothing of their childhood. Nothing of their actual dreams and desires. Their goals as children. Their lives. I have always assumed that they lived to take care of me and that I was their responsibility and that was that.

I feel awakened and caught in a cage. But I am confident and happy too. It is the knowledge that is important. I am young and flexible..and I do hope that I do not make the mistakes that I have learnt through other people. After all, in a sense, reading a good book means living the life of the characters.

the Godfather

2005-04-19T03:30:00.000-05:00

Hmm.. I have ebooks on a website... the bandwidth limit is 50 gigs.. and in less than 15 days.. with no advertisement AT ALL...(just google indexing it)... 40 gigs have been used up.. so I had to cut it off...

what else...

been applying all over the place for a job. I know I am good, I have the skills and I am motivated. So.. I do hope to get a job soon.

I also want to travel.. see someplace new. Chicago is a great place.. but someplace different.. would be nice:-)

Well.. allergies are catching up. But it's lovely outside. So what if I sneeze a bit..sniffle a wee bit. It's amazing weather:-)

Started on Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake...

I don't know why.. but nowadays.. somethings seem to be affecting me more than normal. I always led a pretty distant life from others. I kept them at a distance.. even my parents and sis. I had great respect for them but I somehow felt that I kept them at a distance. I think it was my way of remaining unaffected by other people. My way of leading life with no distractions... But nowadays... reading about the affection for the child by parents... and other such mushy things are making my eyes moist. I mean.. it's like this pang of affection that brings a little bit of moisture to my eyes, a small contriction in my heart .. and it's gone.

"He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat." - Napolean Bonaparte
anyways... with eternal hope
I sign off

I'm lovin' it

2005-04-17T02:06:00.000-05:00

It's a beautiful day
I love spring showers...
I love rain in general.. especially when the weather is nice and warm.. and you hear the pitter patter of raindrops. It takes me back to days gone by... and also brings me into a relaxed mood.
And I love the colours around me. Bright flowers.. entire trees in bloom!!! It really is beautiful.

I am a crazy guy eh. Wishful thinking... dreamy...and absolutely nuts in some respects...but I'm lovin' it (As the latest McDonald's ad goes...) I see some folks and I start putting myself in that position 2.. maybe 5 years from now. I see myself doing stuff...I see someone's face a lot too. As I said...I have become dreamy. But I am happy. And reading is nice.
But..I am becoming a bit too complacent.. getting used to my lifestyle.. NOT GOOD. So.. started working towards changing things:-)

God Bless ya folks... lets all enjoy the beauty that surrounds us and that God has given us (for you women.. that includes guys around you... and of course...I don't need to tell the guys anything;) )
Enjoy!!!

random tests

2005-04-14T22:36:00.000-05:00

Ok... so.. I saw these tests/ surveys on a friend's website and decided to take them
The first one...
What age do you act

it says I am 18 years old :-p
(P.S. I am 22 years old... going on 23)

Then.. is this dating quiz.. lemme see how I rate on that one. I don't think that they will ever say anything negative about you.. but oh well.. here goes..
it's a dating profile test at Dating Diversions

Here is the entire thingie... pretty much what I already knew...

Your dating personality profile:

Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile:

Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.
Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Big-Hearted
2. Liberal
3. Practical
4. Wealthy/Ambitious
5. Intellectual
6. Traditional
7. Romantic
8. Adventurous
9. Sensual
10. Outgoing

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Intellectual
2. Traditional
3. Practical
4. Funny
5. Adventurous
6. Conservative
7. Stylish
8. Athletic
9. Sensual
10. Outgoing

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

listening to Yanni.. and going to get back to Naipaul's A Bend in The River.
Next is.. Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake:-)
Books are awesome :-)

plop...plop.....plopp

2005-04-12T00:38:00.000-05:00

well.. not much updates.

I am at my aunt's place...so only on dialup. Spent some time downloading updates for this computer.....painnnful.
Also.. helped my aunt around the house.. fixed two toilet flushes (surprising myself...) and a leaky tap (again surprising myself)
well..I AM capable of some good work;)

Hmmm...
was theorizing ... I was soo busy in my teenage years.. what with studies and all that.. that I didn't have time to go through all that teenage angst stage and all. So.. now is the time for that to hit me. Or something like that

Also been getting plenty of sleep. 8 hours on average... compared to the ~~5-6~~ 4-5 hours that I got at college. So.. have been dreaming a lot too. Of course...I don't recollect any dream after I wake up.. but they seem so real. In fact, I remember a dream in which I was so surprised about something that I hoped that it wasn't a dream.. and I convinced myself that it wasn't.. till I woke up.. when I realized that it was a dream. Sheesh. Confusing.

btw, I am concentrating on my job hunt. You can help me out by passing my resume to those that might be interested in hiring an electrical engineer. Thanks.:-)
resume

Any tips on improving my resume will also be appreciated. Just email me at mrokkam@rokkam.com

Have a wonderful day:-)

Gandhi

2005-04-09T07:09:00.000-05:00

I saw Gandhi today. A truly inspirational movie. A movie of a man who stood for truth, love and principles. Today, I make a promise unto myself. I shall strive to stick to my principles. I shall remember that truth, and truth alone will be the victor, even if I lay as a minority of one. And I shall remember to love each and every person, no matter what they might have done. For love is the all encompassing and all overcoming power.

I truly admire the movie too. It is excellent. Watch it if you haven't already. Ask me.. and I will try to get you the movie.

handyman

2005-04-08T04:20:00.000-05:00

well.. life is slow... more or less.
So...I was helping my cousin by doing some work for their basement... some wiring work .. that some firm was charging an arm and a leg for!!! So.. we were like.. uhmm..it's ok.. we'll do it:-). So.. that was a nice thing for the weekend. (and a little beyond). Errors were corrected.. workarounds used.. and with some help from my nieces.. the work got done :-D

I also came across some nice lyrics...
Beauty by Dru Hill
"Sorry, didn't notice you there
But then again you didn't notice me
So we'll remain passers by
Until the next time we speak
I hope that I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart ...

Also.. need to finish up my taxes... yay. I'm supposed to get back 20$ !!!

I try to sleep early.. but it doesn't work....
for example...I wanted to sleep since 2 am (ok fine.. 3).. and people came online.. and I chatted.. and then had some file transfer stuff.. and Addy wanted me to find some lyrics...(I couldn't believe my ears that this dude from Delhi couldn't understand the hindi lyrics!!!)(bleh.. he probably was exaggerating) and .. see.. it's 4:30.

Ok.. sleeping now. Up by 10:30 :-)
adios

Update

2005-04-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

update
I got rejected by Purdue for grad school
Just one school left.
so..going to be concentrating on getting a job now.

April already?

2005-04-03T02:09:00.000-05:00

Time's moving fast. It's already April. It seems like I graduated just yesterday...
well... things haven't really changed much for me. But the past week has been a bit busier.

my nieces have had spring break. so.. been out of the house a bit. Went to a Children's museum where I played with soap bubbles and water fountains.. and air jets.. and flourescent materials...and black lights (Hey.. it's Funn and educational too!!).
Then... the field museum beckoned and I had a gala time taking the kids through it...though we hardly managed to see a quarter of the museum.
And today.. went for a movie.. Sin City.
In between were laced days without internet that I managed to face with no difficulty. I did not even feel a pang of withdrawal. A ~~day~~ night of watching Cleopatra with Liz Taylor...a four+ hour long epic ... which wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Just a footnote.
The past few months (actually .. more than just a few months) have been a bit new and exciting for me. You know why? Because I lost interest in techie stuff. it still was interesting and all. But now, I am more focussed on a different kind of learning. I am trying to learn more soft skills, people skills. I am trying to .. maybe .. look better, understand people better, use things other than just technical skills to take over the world. i.e. I am trying to become a bit more well rounded. There was a time when I thought that my brains alone should talk for me... but now I am working towards a more well rounded feel.

P.P.S. Sin City was so so. Not too great a plot. Acting was good to mediocre. Effects were decent. But Jessica Alba still looked soo good:-)

Something New

2005-03-26T00:26:00.000-05:00

Well,

Reading War and Peace, arranging e-books, coding a wee li'l bit, sleeping forever. these have been some of my pastimes over the past few days. I now have a book to read... that I am looking forward to.. 'Treasury of Short stories'. It includes authors from around five centuries from all over the British Commonwealth (yes folks.. the Commonwealth... that once upon a time British Empire.. upon which, it was said, that the sun never set (i.e. "The sun never sets on the British Empire"). It starts off with a prose version of a poem by Chaucer .. and continues on with other magnificent works till recent times. 65 stories in all!! yet, as the intro says, to make an anthology is to place the attention on a few roses while ignoring all the other beautiful flowers of spring that are just as beautiful. But time is short.. and one has to make choices.
Speaking of spring.. is it here yet? It was snowing outside here when I last checked;). However various reports insist that the weather will warm up realll soon. Lets see.
I've been playing a bit with my nieces. And my rusty joints are beginning to creak;). And oh.. been listening to old songs galore. Yesterday, my uncle went down memory lane with www.raaga.com, listening to old songs from his time in India. This uncle was brought up in the US of A .. but he did his medical degree in India. And boy oh boy... he knows his Amitabh Bachchan. Some songs... my cousin hadn't listened to in like 20 years... songs from her teenage years..
songs from Disco Dancer... Silsila, ... Vijay,... etc :-) A bottle of wine ... and nostalgic music. Good Stuff.
And today was movie night along with shopping day. So a day of shopping at the mall for the kids (Outfits for a dance show that they are performing at the temple) followed by "Dude, where's the party" (hilarious movie) and followed by a bit of Cleopatra with Elizabeth Taylor. But then... the old folks and the young ones started falling asleep by midnight.. and the movie was paused.

Ohh totally forgot. I helped my cousin prepare the fish for her "Fish Fry". It came out great (hehehe... all credit to my cousin.. I only helped cut the fish) One niece made this awesome guacamole and another put the rice. And my poor cousin had to supervise us all. hehehe.

A few days ago, I had a dream. It seemed so realistic. 23rd morning... I dreamt a dream.. with my grandfather in it. He passed away in 2001, a few months after I came here. But he seemed so alive. His birthday's on the 20th of May. But somehow... in my dream, we ran up to him and wished him a happy belated birthday (we = my cousins and I). And we celebrated it. As we used to in days past. with a cake.. and balloons.. and all. It was a nice happy dream.. with a sad twist. Don't really remember it that well now.

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." and now I am tired of thinking...

Back

2005-03-24T14:58:00.000-05:00

So....I finally finished the book last night. :-p. yeah. I just couldn't keep reading. The last few dozen pages was a lot of philosophizing... and Tolstoy just could not keep it as interesting as the rest of the book. I got an impression of someone forcing his views down my gullet which I didn't like. Anyways... considering that I finished the book, I should give a review. But I won't. War and Peace... go read it yourself:-p

I also found a page of one liners and added some of the ones I liked at the top of this page. The box refreshes every 30 seconds. So, u see a new thingie every 30 seconds. Quite a few over there....enjoy them. I had to figure out some coding to put the box there... but so kool!!!
:-)

that's where I was 'wasting' time instead of reading war and peace;)
the link for that page with one liners is under the related link

Page Count

2005-03-21T02:24:00.000-05:00

Well,
I shall not post any more till I finish this book (famous last words??)

I mean... this is one book where I am actually using a book mark .. instead of just remembering where I left off...

ok.. I will edit this post as and when I read more

Latest count
1400/1444(44 pages left)(5am? ...too sleepy)

1353/1444(91 pages left)(8:45 pm)
1273/1444(171 pages left) (4:55am)
1220/1444 (224 pages left)
1168/1444 (276 pages left)

Slow Poke

2005-03-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

I am totally, completely, absolutely disgusted with myself. I am reading War and Peace SO slowly.... barely a few dozen pages a day. And it isn't because the book isn't interesting. It's a nice plot line. Not quick paced.... but nice. And I don't completely agree with Tolstoy's way of putting his arguments.... but oh well, that's what makes the book more interesting. What I do instead... is arrrange.. and rearrange.. the ebook collection that I got now (though I doubt that I would be able to read all those books in my lifetime). And then... I go chat for a bit. And play with nieces... and woah... by the end of it... I barely get to read much. Darned I am slow. I need to make more time for it.
So.. I have set a goal. another 300 or so pages. I should finish it by ... say.. tomorrow. How does that sound? Good. That's my aim then.

Also saw Dodgeball yesterday. Lost a few braincells but I have to admire Ben Stiller's genius. I mean, it really takes genius to figure out how to give off an impression of being dumb. Yeah... (I know I know.. blondes have been doing it forever).
Well... it's a pretty good movie. Supposed to be PG13 but it's not really that clean a movie:-p.

Back to lunch and my book:)

Defining intelligence

2005-03-15T14:20:00.000-05:00

yesterday...I started this post ... and then the computer hung. At that time, I was especially in the mood to write it. However, I will try to recreate it to some extent.

Well, I always wonder whether I am intelligent, or if it is just a thing of my ego. I was always a pretty good performer. School... intermediate (grades 11 and 12) and college. I did seem to have deteriorated throughout .. but it may have also been because I kept coming across better competition.
Now, I do believe that I give off this aura of being smart. People think I am smart. but am I really as smart as I behave? That I do not know. I do know that I need some kind of motivation to work. The last one year, I feel as if I have not done much brain work. My brain feels as if it is degenerating. Mainly because my classes last sem were pretty simple.. nothing compared to the earlier semesters. Reading is not really that much brain work.... so I am kinda bored. But then again, I do need motivation to work.
There was this time in a psych class that I felt that I perfectly fit a particular case. This was of people who wantedly sabotage their chances....so that they have an excuse for their bad performance. Maybe not study enough for a test. So, if I perform well, it is because I am smart...and if I didn't, well, I didn't work hard enough.
And then came the rejection letter from Stanford. Now, Stanford has been a dream college for me. I always wanted to go there. Even before my undergrad. So, it was a small jolt, though an expected jolt. However, rejection from Stanford may have been a blessing in disguise. I had applied for a PhD at Stanford .. but i am not sure if I could handle a PhD. So, yeah. At least, now I can plan for other things, now that Stanford has said no.

So.. I wondered if I could be considered intelligent. So very often, I feel like a fraud. And I took a few IQ tests. haha.. yeah.. one of Those!! www.iqtest.com , www.tickle.com, and even a test on mensa.org

iqtest.com: IQ of 156 (genius... less than 1% of test takers). I had taken this test a few months ago.. and I got a score of 149... (they then said it was equivalent to some profs / researchers or something.)
HAH!!

tickle.com: score of 133 on both the the IQ and the super IQ test. On top of that, they tell me
"The way you think about things makes you a Complex Intellectual. This means you are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others you are a highly conceptual and complex thinker and are able to understand information in an abstract form. You also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something you're not good at. Hahahahahahaahahaha

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Complex Intellectual? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Complex Intellectual. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities."

I feel Special

Ok... so... these made me feel better. But I was like... what's the use.
so I went to a mensa test. I managed to get 23 correct out of 30. That IS pretty good they told me!!
So.. well.. maybe I am decently smart. Hmmm. I do feel better..in a sense.
but how do I become better? I do think I need better goals. and I need to work harder. But laziness and lack of motivation slow me down. But not enough I do believe:)

Short Stories

2005-03-11T18:01:00.000-05:00

When I was in school, I loved reading. The day before school started, when we went and bought our text books, my mom, my sister and I would each grab hold of one of the many english and non-detailed books that we bought for our classes, and finish them up one by one. Ahh the fights for who gets to read what first.
So Much Fun.
That was when I fell in love with short stories.
Reading Jeffrey Archer's short stories is taking me back to those days. And of course, there are so many touching short stories
Old Love
Colonel Bullfrog
The Hungarian Professor
Christina Rosenthal
Clean Sweep Ignatius
The Century
A La Carte
... are some of my favourites from this book.
of course.. there are many more.
One of my fav short stories of all times...
is "After Twenty Years" by O'Henry (William Sidney Porter)
Another is "God sees the truth but waits" by Leo Tolstoy

well... do read them if you can. I am off to finish up this book. (The Collected Short Stories - Jeffrey Archer)

Edited to add links to stories

Read a bye baby

2005-03-10T23:00:00.000-05:00

Well,
As I don't really have anything much to do except wait, and since the weather does not really encourage much outdoor exploration, I have set myself onto something that I really enjoy. reading.

So, I have been reading for the past few days. Not that I ever really stopped reading. But now, I read almost all day. I have finished half of "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy....
read The Great Gatsby
reading short stories by Jeffrey Archer, short stories that won the O'henry prize. I also have a bunch of e-books that I intend to read soon. I found a lot of them on www.manybooks.net where you can find a lot of books that were published in the 1920's or earlier as they don't really have much of a copyright problem. I also found a website called www.fictionlib.ru that has some nice books.

I was discussing books with this other friend, who happens to be an English Literature major, and I realized that there were a lot of books that I had read as a child. But I hadn't read read the books. I had read a lot of them without really appreciating them. And the more he analyzed some books, the more I felt I should read those again. in fact, any book that I haven't read in at least the past 3 years should be fair game.

so, right now, I am into the classics. Lets see how much I can read:)

Slap me stupid

2005-03-08T03:38:00.000-05:00

yeah.. slap me stupid if I dawdle around and end up at the same subject every time

my nieces sold me 6 boxes of girl scout cookies (Though my cousin just ended up paying for them herself).
I ate half a box of thin mints. And the rest stare at me accusingly ... as I haven't tasted them yet.
Taste me... each box says.
I have managed to hold out for a day and a half now.
How much longer?

God give me the strength to deny myself such delicious and tasty and sweet (I see some resolutions crumbling again)
Ahhh... soft cookies that crumble in your mouth....
darn.
God Give me strength to exercise so that I can afford to eat these cookies

yeah
amen

Explaining myself

2005-03-06T14:46:00.000-05:00

People say that one does not need to explain oneself. But I have often felt this urge to explain myself. Atleast some parts of me.
Power Corrupts
Some of the most profound lessons I have learnt are from my servant maid's son. This dude was my play buddy when I was in my lower grades since I didn't really have many friends in the area. My friends never came over, and I never sought friends outside of school. However, since he was the servant maid's son, I often bossed over him. Or tried to. This led to resentment in the dude... which I can never forget. I called him proud and arrogant, and yet I admired him for his spunk. And we had fun. He probably liked my company too coz I was a rich guy (relatively) playing with him. Over time, I grew up... got busy with my education and other friends. He was around and came to meet me once in a while, but now, the relationship was much more formal. The important thing for me, that I learnt how power corrupts. I would often demand that he do something and I would get mad if he didn't do it. Today, I can look back and laugh at my behaviour. But, at the same time, I see such acts in real life. Many people, powerful people, NATIONS.. all behave in the same way. But forcing someone to do something never works. Just give them what they need and they will do anything for you. In the case of the servants, force didn't work, not really. It took me a while to realize it, but when I did realize it, I understood that what they needed was respect. And I understood that they deserved it. (Of course.. there are limitations on everything, and one has to be careful not to be fooled and one has to maintain some amount of reserve to be able to command respect back.. blah blah blah)

Love is a need
You know, before I wrote this next set down, I wondered whether I should write it down like this. This scientific kind of analysis of love is not really nice. It removes the magic and the fireworks that surround love. But it's the only way I can explain my behaviour. So, here it is...
Yes I am in love. But love is also a need. Just like friendship. I need company, I need a soulmate. Hence, the need for love is especially high now. I have time on my hands, and little company. Hence love will be higher in my mind than normal. But, thats not why I am in love. I am in love because I find something in her that I really like. I have time on my hands, so I tried to analyze what I liked about her. Some things are apparent. some aren't.
So, the facts are
1) I like her very much
2) I know some of the things that make me like her

now, I also know that she may or may not like me. I cannot force her to do something. All I can do is love her. But I also believe in not destroying myself. So, I am also always looking for those characteristics that I like in a person.
See, in a perfect world (for me), things would be just that... perfect. But this world is not perfect. So, what can I expect from it? Nothing .. right? So, I love her... and I leave it at that. If I ever find someone else, so be it.. I will still love her, simply because of what she is.

Some people think that I am becoming depressed. News comes back to me that people say "He was a good guy. What is happening to him now?". It's interesting to me. I know I go through kind of mood swings. there are times when I get a bit down. But in the long run, I am happy:). That's my goal in life right? ;)

Ok. My nieces are around and I don't think I can write much more...gotta play with them. maybe next time:)

blood donation and more

2005-03-02T08:00:00.000-05:00

Well, yesterday, as I was walking through PMU, I saw that they were accepting blood donations. Now, I have always wanted to donate blood. But EACH and every time there was a blood drive nearby, I had an exam the very next day. So, I thought..ok I am going to donate blood. I walk in, fill up a bunch of paperwork and approach the nurse. She goes through it and says... when did you get back from India. I say.. March 20th, 2004. She's like.. uhmmm I think you have to come back after that date as you have to be in the US for 1 year.
I was like... whaaa?? I mean. 1 year... it's been 11 months and 1 week. Oh well. I didn't say all that. I quietly said ok, took the EXTRA LARGE T-shirt she offered me and walked out. (P.S. Why do I always get free T-shirts that are too large for me??).

I mean, I mustered up courage.. and they turned me down. Nothing I could do

In other news, my faith in people just went up. My friend lost his phone and since we are on a family plan, I called att to find out if I could suspend his line till he got a replacement.
1st rep: puts me on hold all of a sudden, and just hands it to a different rep
2nd rep: nice.. but tells me that the other line was the main line (Though I added it later...some goof up someplace), and so both phones would be suspended. Any question I asked got the standard response: "Unfortunately, no sir, we cannot do anything about that"
I asked for her to call her supervisor. She puts me on hold for 10 mins, and comes back saying her supervisor says I should take another plan temporarily without free nights and weekends and a whole bunch of other crap
Then, I call her super.
3rd rep: Just as bad. No interest in solving my problem.
I say, ok, will discuss with friend and call back regarding new sim etc.

4th rep: Nice and sweeeeet!!! She said she could give me free nights and weekends without extending my contract!! Something the 2nd and 3rd reps refused to do. I mean, she was soo sweet. Even told me that posting the sim would cost me 10 bucks .. which I could save by going to the store.

so.. all said and done... there are good people in this world:)

-Mohan.

Fear

2005-03-02T06:31:00.000-05:00

I am afraid of the past
Will it decide to haunt me?
I am afraid of the thought
for it dances out of my reach
I am afraid of my heart
because it never was mine

Wet Moustache

2005-02-28T19:04:00.000-05:00

I have a moustache. I didn't used to have one for a wee bit since when I started getting facial hair and now... but, otherwise, I have had a moustache almost all the time since 10th grade or so.
I took it off a few months ago, just to see if I looked better, but my dear fashion conscious niece told me that I looked better with a moustache AND a small goatee right under my lower lip, sorta like the one that Aamir Khan sported in Dil Chahta Hain. So, that's my facial hair for now.

Today, I was walking back, across campus, with two plastic bags in my hands (cookies, yogurt, and frozen parathas). The distance was over a mile. And it was flurrying... or watevering. small flakes of snow were falling all the time... but it wasn't really accumulating as it was warm enough for most of the snow to melt.
But the problem was... some flakes kept LANDING ON MY MOUSTACHE!!!. Then, they would melt.. and the water just sat there between my hairs. Some darned surface tension explanation I bet. Now, each time I took a breath, the presence of the water made my nose feel that something was dripping out, and I began to see images of a kid with a runny nose. Eagh!!
So... the moment I came home, I dumped my bags, took out my handkerchief, and wiped my nose and moustache CLEAN!!

whew.

though I do wonder why I did not think to carry both bags with one hand and wipe the moustache with the other. Maybe the belief that no matter what, as long as I was outside in the snowfall, my moustache would keep getting wet. And I am no spider to keep repeating my actions every time!!!

Change

2005-02-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

For a few days, I have tried to look at my behaviour from an external point of view. So, rather than think of me and mine, I was trying to see how people would see my behaviour. And all of a sudden, it struck me that I was becoming someone that I myself would disdain. So, I am trying to change back to what I was.

Now, I was also wondering if food was the cause of my behaviour. I think I have become more pensive, serious (atleast compared to my earlier self). I am not as active as I used to be. I have also cut down my sugar intake (drinking water instead of cool-drinks/soft-drinks/soda/pop basically). Though I remember reading that sugar intake does NOT make a person hyperactive, I am not sure. So, I used to be hyperactive... and I am not THAT hyperactive. So, should I go back to drinking soda-pop and all so I become hyperactive again??;)

There is this one guy. A freaky looking guy. He never opens his mouth. Only stares. A friend believed that she was stalked by him all of last semester. Now, that she is away, I am seeing this guy all over the place. My only question is... is he stalking ME now?? that's a scary thought...

btw, my roommate/host is playing tragic old hindi songs right now making me cringe.... so, I have to cut this post short while I go strangle him.
Cya

Dreams

2005-02-26T05:05:00.000-05:00

I have dreams
I was sitting yesterday and thought... what are my dreams? What do I want out of life? What do I want to see in my future?
and then I thought I would put them down in my blog.

maybe my dreams are kinda typical. Everyone wants the same things...

well, in my dreams, I am happy. And I see myself as happy, not with money, but with life. I am doing something I enjoy (atleast to some amount). I make enough money to support myself, as well as my hobby of travelling. I have a soulmate who understands me, and I will spend time and effort making her happy too. I will have enough time leftover from my job to spend time doing things that I enjoy (i.e. it does not take up all my life).

wow.That's all the dreams I have for the future. I always thought they were bigger and more detailed.

people have often asked me where I would like to settle down. I have always claimed to like India. And I do. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really care. I like India for the excellent family support, the whole homely feel, and other small things that one enjoys there. The US is just... comforts, that I think I can make do without. In the end, it boils down to where life takes me. As Sean Connery says in "The Untouchables", (or something to this effect): ~Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even hope for it to happen. It will happen anyways. Just handle it when it happens.~

I have always put women on a certain pedestal. At least, women that I respect. But yesterday, that pedestal slipped down a few notches. Just a sad situation at a party.

Oh yes, I really need to work on poetry:-). Got so much encouragement from all you people.... maybe I should let loose some of the masterpieces from my childhood;)

"Twinkleless twinkleless little moon.
How I wonder what you croon
down below the galaxy so low
like an aeroplane going so slow
twinkleless twinkleless little moon
how I wonder what you croon"

Mwuahahahahaha

Moments of thought

2005-02-24T01:08:00.000-05:00

~rant~

I have a sinking feeling at the bottom of my heart. Somewhere right above my stomach and just below my sternum. It feels like I am drowning in a sea of endless waiting and that weight in my heart is pushing me lower and lower...towards some remote distant doom.
My horoscope today morning, told me, "You may want a speedy resolution. But uncertainty is what keeps things interesting."

Interesting eh? At this stage of life, I feel like I just need to keep going with the flow.. but the flow seems to have stopped. My brain feels like mud... and my heart feels like pulp. You know, it is times like this that bring out the worst in men. I have always believed that the United States has such a high incidence of wierd crimes because of loneliness. People do wierd things when they have nothing else to do. Here at Purdue, I have spent the past few days meeting up with people. From my freshman year till my graduation. I have met most of the people that have made a difference (and many that really didn't) that are still at Purdue. Now, I have once again reached the stage where I don't know what to do. The activity around me spurs me on to doing something, but what?? People are busy. They have classes to attend, homeworks to do, papers and projects... and here I sit, without a joule of work. I don't like to disturb those that are busy, and maybe that is my problem. And of course, crazy thoughts.... enter my brain. My heart begins to throb with pain and my soul begins to wail a sad song of anger and deceit

It is at times like this that I begin to dream of a soulmate. A friend that I can talk to without worrying about what their impression of me is or wondering what they think of me. Till today, I am yet to find someone like that. And I don't think I ever can. After all, I seek someone so perfect that it can only be god. And I don't believe that I can talk to god. I still remember my first "best" friend. I called him my best friend and he said that someone else was his best friend. My next "best" friend was the same too. After that, I no longer said that someone was my best friend. They were good friends. Maybe I was selfish because I wanted ONE friend, all for myself. At times, I felt that the only reason that anyone was friendly with me was because I was good at studies. But I think I lack something. So, I am not "best" friend material. I may just lack social skills, or that intuition that so many people seem to have.

I do sound pathetic right? Yeah... this is a self centred rant. I almost always talk about myself because I know I cannot offend myself. But that makes me self centred. And so, I try to ask people about their lives... but I just feel nosey. What do I do?

Well, I was feeling really low just a wee bit ago. I was going to blog a sad blog. But that was before I came online. But V's message on the previous blog kinda spiced up my thoughts.. and I just could not go on being depressed. So, I was actually able to analyze my behaviour. I Think. Bleh. Writing this blog makes me think of things other than depressing things...

BTW, yesterday, I decided I should try my hand at poetry.
The outcome was this miserable stanza

My eyes fly over letters...
pages fly by
but nothing I remember
coz she is in my eye

I leave you with that.

bored

2005-02-23T03:44:00.000-05:00

All play and no work makes Mohan a dull boy

Desires

2005-02-21T01:15:00.000-05:00

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

This always makes me question myself as to what I desire, and what I need.

Today, I hope to affect a change in my behaviour. Very often, it happens that I know my mistakes, and yet am unable to change my actions to correct myself. Maybe because it is mostly just a passing thought that I should do something or I should not do something. But now, I have decided exactly what I am going to do and what I will avoid. Hopefully, setting those boundaries will help me improve myself.

Realization

2005-02-20T05:10:00.000-05:00

Realization is slowly sinking in.... with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and a stabbing pain at the bottom of my heart. But then, there is a kind of hope that fights the realization and absolutely refuses to agree. It's an internal strife that will kill me I say, if I don't get something to do. But one thing, every day teaches me more about myself and about others.

It's Gone Again

2005-02-19T15:35:00.000-05:00

The toilet paper. It's gone holidaying again!! aaaaaargh

EDIT:
P.S. Yeah... So I was searching in some cupboards for the tp when the door bursts open and two women walk in (my friends' friends). So, feeling shy, I decided to go for my shower. As I left the house to go meet some other friends.. I saw it. It was lying on the couch!!! IN the drawing room!!! STARING at me and laughing!! What Cheek!! I mean.. since when was toilet paper left on the couch in the drawing room??

Friends!!

2005-02-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

It is definitely a lot of fun staying with friends.. especially when they are nice to you. I am right now crashing at a friend's place... and oh man... I almost feel like I am back at college. It's sooo untidy( feels soooo homely!! aah!!)... the doors stay open... people walking in and out... I got an air matress in the floor all to myself, with a sleeping bag to cover myself:-D. They have wireless internet that works intermittently... one of the guys' girlfriend bought him a foosball table for V-day.. so we play foosball at 3am, go out for grub at 3:30am:-D. There's company at meals coz someone is almost always as hungry as you.

Now. If only we could solve the mystery of the disappearing toilet paper. These guys are too lazy to go buy anything. ANYTHING. (Other than booze of course;) ). So... they have one roll of toilet paper between the two bathrooms (I ~~think~~ hope they ran out....) So.. this roll of toilet paper is my only hope of salvation when nature calls. Bleh. And this very roll decided to hide at that very moment!!! Like.. I see it one day... in one of the bathrooms... and the next day... it goes into hiding. Aaargh!! I search the cupboards, the sinks, the racks... I mean... where can a single roll of toilet paper run off to???
Sometimes.... desperate times call for desperate measures. One has to anticipate the appearence of the tp and act accordingly.. and oh yes, take advantage of any other friend that you visit, if they have a clean restroom:-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to the Neon Cactus yesterday night with a bunch of friends. I was happy to see a lot of familiar faces. I guess engineers like to party too;). I also dropped in at my home away from home (once upon a time)... the computer lab at MSEE. Met a bunch of people there too...
basically... met a lot of people yesterday:-)
yay:)

Words...

2005-02-17T02:30:00.000-05:00

I often believe that I Iack the ability to express my feelings or thoughts very well.
However, I often come across words in books that seem to echo my innermost beliefs.
Today, I came across another such extract in 'Mother' by Gorky:

Mother: "What a way you have of talking Andruysha!"
Andruysha: "What kind of way?"
"As if nobody ever hurt you."
"Is there a soul unhurt anywhere on earth?" he said with a smile, getting up and shaking his head. "They've hurt me so much I don't notice it anymore. What can you do about it , since people are like that? It just interferes with your work if you notice it, and it's a waste of time to brood over your hurts. That's the way life is! I used to get angry with people, but then I saw it wasn't worth while. Everybody's afraid his neighbour's going to wallop him, so he tries to catch him on the nose first."

That's the way I often feel and behave... but I wonder if such apathy is good in life. But I cannot behave otherwise.

"The dogs may bark, but the elephant continues on it way, unaffected, undisturbed, and with focus on it's mission" - Approximate translation of a proverb my mom always told me.

Updates

2005-02-15T19:35:00.000-05:00

Well, life is going on. I am at Purdue now... Was able to make it down for valentine's day (as Ali was coming down.. and he gave me a ride down).. and also to get prepped for a job fair that's taking place here on Monday. so.. crashed at Addy's place. Life is awright.. meeting up with friends:) Went to a bar with Ali yesterday (us graduated folks got nothing else to do ehh;) ). The main thing I hate about bars and clubs is that clothes stink of cigarette smoke!!! And since I gave up soft drinks and don't drink alcohol, I was wondering what I would do there. So...got myself a coke and took a few sips. Met the two Jorges I know (pronounced as Horhay) at 'Where Else" .. and some other kool guys too. Stayed for an hour or so but my eyes started burning due to all that smoke.. and since Ali wasn't alone, I walked back.

Also went to triple XXX at like 3am for some grub. It's supposed to be Indiana's first drive in restaurant. had their famous root beer float and some eggs. Anyway.. this girl working there.. was stacking some tabasco bottles in the counter. Her boss told her that there should be 5 tabasco bottles at each counter. And how many did she put there? Four. Right after her boss told her fiiiive!!! hahaha.. that was our entertainment for the night... other than Ali's corny jokes...

"What did the fish say when it hit the wall?......Dam"
"What did the Indian Electrical engineer turned astrologer say? ..... Ohm"
bleh.

Also... finally got an interview.. after like sophomore year!! Wish me luck people:) I need it!!
As for college admissions... went to the Purdue folks.. and they said.. you should know by this month end.. *keeping fingers crossed*.

"If you're doing it right, every day is Valentine's Day." -Chad

today

2005-02-14T04:27:00.000-05:00

is valentine's day
:)
Happy Valentines Day

Did you ever...

2005-02-13T03:25:00.000-05:00

Did you ever....stop what you were doing coz that song playing in the background suddenly hit home... ?

Someday

2005-02-11T06:01:00.000-05:00

A few mins of "Meet Joe Black" as I channel surfed, was all I caught. And all I could think of.. was how much anthony hopkins reminded me of my grandfather. A distinguished old man, with strong principles. I began to dream of a day.. that I too would be that distinguished.. develop that ability.. that look. After all, life is all about learning... and growing as a person. And I can see the goal. As my grandfather told me... just once... but once was enough..."Aim for the stars and you will at least reach the moon". I AM going to aim for those stars.

Earthly Wisdom

2005-02-10T04:37:00.000-05:00

Just finished "The Good Earth" by Pearl S Buck. A very nice book...I could not put it down. Not because it is a mystery or a thriller... but because of the very nature of the writings. Pearl S Buck writes with such great descriptions.. and with such a clear insight... that I could not help but keep reading. The book just follows the life of a chinese farmer...from the day he marries...till he becomes an old man. It takes him from his days as a poor hard working farmer to becoming a wealthy landowner.

The book has moved me so, I hardly know how and why. Maybe it was because she describes how one's thinking changes with time and one's current position. Maybe because she describes things so realistically that one just lives the life of the man in question. I felt happy and lusty when he took a concubine and I felt his love for her. I felt that very love fade when he saw through the veneer of her false love. I felt his sadness and regret when his wife fell sick and died. And I felt his disinterest when his sons and daughters-in-law squabbled over minor issues. And the book also reminded me of Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, in that, one needs to experience something, and then get done with it, to understand it's nature. Having lived the life of Wang Lung through this book, I almost feel as if I have learnt something new. Something that I cannot express... but something that will make me understand a lot more in life.

Read it if you can:)

Heaven

2005-02-09T05:51:00.000-05:00

"Is there a Heaven"
"Oh Yeah. It's the place where dreams come true"

from 'Field of Dreams', on TBS last night.

Lyrics that I noticed of late...

2005-02-09T02:11:00.000-05:00

Words (Beegees)
"Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.
Don't ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear
to me.
This world has lost its glory, let's start a brand new story
now, my love.
Right now, there'll be no other time and I can show you how, my
love.

Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me.
And I will give you all my life, I'm here if you should call to
me.
You think that I don't even mean a single word I say.
It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart
away.

She's a Rainbow (Rolling Stones)
"I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
I'm so hot for her, I'm on fire for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold

I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold

Yeah, I tried re-wiring her, tried re-firing her
I think her engine is permanently stalled
She's so cold she's so cold
She's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
She's so cold, she's so cold
she's so cold cold cold like an ice cream cone
She's so cold she's so cold
I dare not touch her my hand just froze ... Click here for the complete lyrics"

Chauvinistic?

2005-02-08T08:04:00.000-05:00

I finished a book today. "The Trumpet Major" by Thomas Hardy. The book, though just decent, got me thinking. It's set at the time of Napolean's plans for the invasion of England, and it highlights a fair lady, and her three suitors. The book meanders quite randomly, with 2 of the 3 suitors (brothers at that) .. alternatingly courting her and giving her up for their brother. More interestingly... the woman does manage to be changed by words... and falls in and out of love with either one. The 3rd suitor only serves the purpose of being a Hindi Movie like villain. He runs after the maiden, attempts devious schemes.. and ends up being conned into marrying a woman of low character. As for the heroine, she ends up marrying the younger, more fickly minded fella, while the older, steadier guy leaves them and goes away to war.. where he dies. He loves her much more than his brother ever could... but he sacrifices all of it for his brother... for the brother he helped bring up... and the brother he loved.

an interesting portrayal of people... and...the way they think, though liberally smeared with chauvinistic thoughts.

Never Stop Learning

2005-02-07T06:02:00.000-05:00

Every day, one can learn something new:). Isn't it? I went to a superbowl party today.. and met some really nice ppl.. who showed me how to make a new guest feel completely at ease. Yepp... Each day brings us such opportunities. I hope that I never forget to keep on learning..

I'll be there for you??

2005-02-05T07:55:00.000-05:00

Friendship.... I have often wondered how deep or close a friendship should be. Or is. Is there an assumed level of closeness? There are some friends that I feel are close.. and yet..if hard pressed...would feel very far from. There are friends I was very close to... but when I meet them, I have nothing to say. I wonder if I am really that close. Or do I trust people enough? Especially in the 3.5 years I spent away from my friends in India....I made new friends for sure... but somehow... a distance crept between me and my old friends that made me feel cynical about friendships in general.

One person... that I barely knew....even when I was in India.....once asked me about the girl I loved.. and said.. 'Arent we all here for you Mohan. You should have told us about it". It made me feel flattered.. and yet I wondered... did she really mean it? I mean... she never did tell me when she was in love.

I remember another saying which went something like this "Do we ask our friends to just 'talk it out' to help them, or are we just titillated by the details". I sometimes think it is because we are titillated by the details.. I mean.. who doesnt like to hear the sordid tales of a friend's escapades... their weaknesses?

All this was triggered by a simple sentence in the movie "sideways". A brief outline of the plot: 2 middle aged friends (roommates in freshman year of college) go on a trip upto california's vineyards to enjoy the last week before one of them gets married. The guy getting married is an actor and the other guy is a middle school english teacher and a failed writer. The actor wants to "freak out" this last week before marriage and hits on a girl (girl 1) he meets. He arranges a double date for his friend with another girl (girl2) who happens to actually like the writer, who is a common visitor to the vineyards. Sounds complicated.. but that's just me explaining. Anywayz... he doesnt tell the girls that he is getting married next week and professes love to girl1. He even tells failed writer that he loves girl1 and that he plans to put his marriage on hold. In the end, failed writer slips up and tells girl2 that his friend is getting married. In the car .. while discussing... girl2 asks failed writer if actor really means it when he says that he loves girl1, failed writer says "He is an actor. This is what he does". I mean, this is one of his closest buddies.. and the guy is saying that he doesnt trust him. That he knows that his friend lied TO HIM!!

This got me thinking. Does one lie to friends? I mean, I normally cannot lie. I may conceal the truth at most, or avoid it..if it is truly unpleasant. But lying? Saying something without meaning it? I mean... one reason I cannot give a nice compliment is because I cannot make one up without thinking that I may be lying or exaggerating!!!! I find it very disconcerting that people can lie. I mean... serious deep lies. Not the frivolous jokes that people play all the time with no harmful intention. I trust people, especially my friends. Thats why I get conned easily...

Is that why I am wary of friends even when they are apparently close?

Edited
Just thought I'd add some more from a comment...
"I believe that friendship is a way for humans to just have company. I no longer believe that friends are forever... and I am happy with that. I know that I will always be willing to do a lot for my friends... but I have stopped expecting anything much from them in return. :). You say that old friends from India will always be soulmates... I say that it's better to move on if need be and not expect anything from them. Make the most of friendships as long as you are close (What is friendship after all... if not to just have someone to spend time with.. have fun with...share joys and sorrows). So what if you are not that close? How does one become close? Rather than be depressed about not having close friends, I have decided to just make the most of what I have:)."
I believe that friendships take time and effort to maintain, and that time and effort needs to be expended on both sides to maintain it. So... if a friendship grows distant, I will not expect anything close from them... but I'll be more than willing to start fresh with them again when the opportunity arises.

music: There she goes....There she goes again...

It's broken

2005-02-05T06:04:00.000-05:00

It was waiting in a corner of the refrigerator... beckoning...reminding me of those days that it had graced my meals... and the times in between too. I reminded myself that I had given it up. I had given up all caffeine... but ONE PEPSI?? "Just one... c'mon...u can stop again." said that teeny cute devil on my shoulder. It's been.. what..like 5-6 months now since I gave up soft drinks?? I had ONE sip in between during winter break.
It's there...
It's lying unopened....
cha-fizzz.....and the deed's done
glug glug glug....aaaah...
siiigh...it tastes sooo good.
And Borna tells me.. "sinful things often do", she being my listening post as I debate drinking it or not.
Well.. the deed's done.. and tomorrow is a brand new day.
Mohan... No More Caffeine for you. AND NO MORE SUGAR. You get tooooo hyper.
glug glug glug .. mhhhffmmmfmfft
------burp------

My Dad

2005-02-03T01:32:00.000-05:00

Fathers are funny. Mine is no exception. Or.. maybe mine is exceptionally funny. A man with a strong sense of humor, he has never ceased to make fun of people. I remember writing an essay in one of my lower classes.."My father is short and stout. He is strong". And a few other such unflattering statements. He was so proud that he took it to his workplace and showed off my skills.
He is a strong man... physically as well as mentally...but also a bit headstrong. He has been calm at times when others were worried. His only weakness, if you can call it that, is his affectionate nature and his love of family. The only times I have ever seen him cry (like any strong man... he has cried...yes), has been when he left India, saying goodbye to his family and friends, to start a new life.. and again.. when he said goodbye to me.. as I left for the United states to further my education.
He has been a good guide in my life. A person who has given more thought to my future than I myself.Yet, he has always placed an immense amount of trust in me. He always let me do things as I saw fit. In fact, he gave me the independence to take my life into my own hands and decide what I wanted to do. Independence and trust ... that has shaped me to make me what I am now. Today... he embarks on a new journey. A new job, new people and new friends. In preparation... he has sought the blessing of all the gods, meeting, personally, as many as possible at various temples. As my grandma told me today... it did not seem as if he was visiting them as he spent all his time visiting various temples.
Well, my blog has scared him. He is considering marrying me off for a fat dowry. Even before I settle down with a job. He wants to spend the money on himself... to travel around the country..to buy himself a 4 wheel drive (his desire for a long time now...is to own an SUV....).. to take my mom on a tour of europe.
Wish I could fulfil his desires as he has fulfilled mine.
Someday...I hope to.

Wish You All the Very Best of Luck Dad:)

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
-Mark Twain

Chillax

2005-01-31T01:50:00.000-05:00

Hmm
I need to hit the chillax button
(meant to chill me down and prevent me from reading too deep into things or worrying too much unnecessarily)

10.9..8...7....6.....5......4.......3........2.........x

Engineer? Or technician?

2005-01-30T01:43:00.000-05:00

just some unnecessary updates
~ repaired my phone!! Makes me feel like an engineer....or maybe a technician..I dont know.. but I opened it up (found the special screwdriver for it at Home Depot) , found a bent contact, straightened it, cleaned it up.. and it works now. No more debilitating, conversation ending static. YAY

~ my friend sent me this video of Russel Peters. A Canadian comedian of Indian origin. Hilarious (though a bit offensive.. uses some vulgar language..et al).
Link

~My vocabulary has become horrible. I mistook clique for cliche and made a fool of myself while chatting with a friend. Hence, have decided to use dictionary.com every time I see a word I dont understand, or ask the person for the meaning. I mean, a little embarrassment can avoid bigger goof-ups!!!

~As for all those people worrying about my utter lack of concern for my own happiness , of the utter lack of direction in my life, or even the utter lack of stability in my life, it flatters, yet bothers me that you worry so much. I mean, I must be important to you for you to worry about me. But at the same time, you must be thinking I am a useless fellow, incapable of determining what is good for me and what is not. Well.. this point was just a rant that developed out of too many arguments and conversations. Kindly try to ignore it. :-p.

from my friend's email sig:
"If u always do wat u always did then u will always get wat u always got... do something different today "

bloglicious - fat = lean mean mohan

2005-01-27T11:33:00.000-05:00

**WARNING EXPLICIT CONTENT**

isnt life meant to be self explanatory?
Does one need to explain oneself to the entire world?
So..I was... and blogs were getting boring and long.
Welcome to a new Mo. (with a 'green is for go' look rather than the 'stop at red' look)

Random things I did in the last few days
~•~scour the web (unsuccesfully) for a larger version of this picture(thanks gemmak for this pic) (discovering, in the process, that yahoo image search stops
after 1019 images) - 5 hours

~•~read Kim - 15 hours (estimated)
~•~read Jonathan Livingston Seagull - <30 mins
~•~Help nieces build snowman(my first) smoking a carrot and wearing just one glove on my hand- 1.5 hours

~•~Scour the web for jobs and apply- 20hours (estimated)
~•~Help nieces with Math homework - 3 hours
~•~Browse randomly (thefacebook.com, rediff.com, news.google.com, blogs, statcounter.com, gmail.com, apple.com, mail.yahoo.com, MSN, Yahoo, AIM chat) - endless
~•~Sleep all day and up all night (every friggin day)

random quote I saw on facebook:
"Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels really good untill you realize you are just f***ing yourself"

It Happened one night

2005-01-25T06:14:00.001-05:00

One night...in a study lounge, while studying with a friend, I pointed out a girl to my friend and said, "isn't she cute?".
Later that evening, she came up to me with a question...
It started like that.
And then... days spent in that lounge.. waiting... people used...details sought. And then came contact.
She became a friend. I thought I was over the crush. After all, love was a forbidden fruit. Or was I?
Was it something in her face? her voice? Her eyes? Or was it her shy self-conscious laugh? Maybe it was her attitude. I had to get to know her better. Abandoned by reason, aided by friendship and pushed on by a sense of vanity, I convinced myself that we were just friends. Yet, the heart raced and my legs took me to her doorstep. Time after time.... day after day.
But what is love, my brain cried? How does one know love, if one hasn't ever experienced it. Crushes I have had... but none so early...none so long lasting and none made me feel like this each time I caught sight of her. Is this love I still questioned. After all, friendship must not be threatened by such outrageous claims. And friendship would be a strong thread to cling to. And I graduate, going far off. How will time affect the feeling? No matter that time hasnt had any affect all these days. And neither has distance. Questions.... without absolute answers.

And then realization struck a home run. I, who never believed in love at first sight, was actually experiencing it. Love, after all, hasn't been defined. Doubts evaporated under the flame of introspection. I had to let her know.
I was like a shy bride to be. Nervous....with downcast eyes. Was I ashamed..maybe...for having betrayed trust...for having done something that might hurt. But it had to be done. Two sentences I said.. and two I received in response. Should I demand for more? Should I explain myself? Verbosity may clear things up. But I walked out that day.

Edited.

Some of my favourite things

2005-01-25T04:21:00.000-05:00

I was browsing through this blog (that I have been frequenting after reading a few articles that seemed like pure genius, especially this one on kissing frogs. Anywayz...... I saw a recent post where she said that she was making a list of things she liked to lift up her spirits. And I thought... well..I should also come up with a list of favourite things. But to also follow the song....from the Sound of Music...
So.. here is a list of things.. that bring a smile to my lips...and things I like

Somehow... my mind seems stuck on the first thing as being Jade. yes..the stone Jade. There is some deep desire in me to own a piece of jade. Maybe something like this piece shown here. I remember reading in Reader's digest, a long long time ago.. that jade is one stone that stays warm.. and that translucent nature ... beckoning... demanding
Beauty in nature.... lying unobserved... playing itself for no audience... but for the sake of itself
Smiles
A good deed
Grandparents
Friends

Kids.. naughty kids....their impish personalities... quick retorts... and irrefutable logic
The smell of rain after a dry spell
Honesty
Consideration for another's thoughts and feelings
Talking...
Women in long skirts...and frilly blouses (delicate...lace...satin...)
Unexpected compliments....
My favourite dishes
Dogs
Crisp money
Jokes (even PJ's)
Understanding someone's hidden thoughts
Driving ...
more later

A visual treat

2005-01-24T02:14:00.000-05:00

I took pictures that come nowhere close to describing the serenity and beauty of the whole
but here are a few
(click to enlarge)

The best picture .. or so I thought. The snow... the trees....

There's a little birdhouse in my uncle's backyard. No birds ever use it... but it seemed so nice.

This is just a picture of the porch at the back.. with a foot of snow. It still lies like that... undisturbed except by a few animals walking through the snow. The snow will melt slowly...

This last picture.... though not very clear.. was taken at night...from my room... The view was simply amazing then.. and this picture is but a short and very limited glimpse. A 6 second exposure .. and it hardly does any justice... but here it is...

It's So Beautiful

2005-01-23T01:59:00.000-05:00

It's beautiful outside. The snow fell all night... into late afternoon. My Uncle and Aunt went out for some party that they were invited to. Luckily, they only got stuck after coming back.... it had snowed too much.

Long footprints lie in the backyard. Could it be some kind of deer? Or maybe some kind of winter snake that came out after the snow stopped.

I took photographs at night..through my window.. and again in the morning. I didn't want to step outside for fear of spoiling the serenity with my footprints.
The backyard is still very clear... with only the footsteps of some passing animal looking so beautiful. No rough plasticky soles creating manmade monster footprints.

I had a dream yesterday night that made me happy. It seemed so real...so positive. It only drives my heart wild. Dreams....Dreams....

They show in films.... those awkward moments (in Indian films, the hero(ine)'s imagination takes him(her) to a song and dance sequence)... that love blooms in. When time seems to stand still... and all you can see is that face...oh so close. I don't dare breathe for fear of it just collapsing into nothingness. And yet I want to breath in that faint scent... that familiar perfume which evokes pleasant memories. I can close my eyes and relive those moments... for they are etched in some hidden part of my mind... faint but true... old yet new

Snow!!!!

2005-01-22T01:34:00.000-05:00

It's snowing....
yes it's snowing
a foot of snow expected...
and it's beautiful:)
Absolutely totally BEAUTIFUL outside.
(or as Enid Blyton put it in one of her books, it's Bee - Yoo-Ti-Ful)

Roads are hazardous....people are freezing... winds are ablowing....
but all I saw in the morning yesterday (after a relatively small snowfall) were the footprints of tiny animals in the snow walking along my uncle's fence (next to an arboretum). I saw snow lying like a white blanket.... as far as the eye could see... with a little bit on the branches.
more of that

I feel like singing...but I'll prolly wake up my uncle who's snoring away on the couch ;)
back I go upstairs reading kim under my comforter warm and cozy. My aunt made me a few spicy snacks too:)..so eating and reading...I'll spend my time... (though I prolly wont get to go to my cuzins place with the high speed internet coz of the snow)

I'll sing anywayz
babye

Tring Tring

2005-01-19T23:19:00.000-05:00

Its 9:40pm. I have this sudden urge to call her... but I say no
9:50pm.... no boy... no no.
10:02...
10:06...
10:08...
10:10... I pick up the phone
I last called her three days ago.
My hearts starts beating a bit faster... what will I say.... how will I begin...
now my heart's going at 200 beats a sec... and I just hit call to get it done with

Tring Tring
(I cant hear my heart anymore....)
Tring Tring
(she usually picks up on the second ring)
Tring Tring
(should I hang up? She may be sleeping...)
Tring tring
(She's definitely sleeping or not in...or does she have caller ID now??)

click....I hang up.
Heart slowly comes down to normal.
music..........robert miles...

Sense out of nonsense

2005-01-18T02:05:00.000-05:00

I am feeling very random today.

And I always think I should write about something other than myself. I read blogs that deal with things desi (sepia mutiny) or with things that seem to matter in this world. Blogs on death, tsunamis, landslides, and other such profound, beautiful or sad things. And then I just do not write about anything like that because I know best about my own insignificant self (modesty filter is on as you can see). So...I write about the things that I feel in life, the experiences that are shaping me.. and the life that I lead in general.

Rant Begin
A few days ago, I reached Chicago. My cousin comes to my aunt's place(where I was staying), hands me an FHM magazine and says "Dude Mohan, this is not exactly the kind of book I expect to come to my house, please do something about it". You see, I had a free subscription to FHM (FHM website) that I had expected, would just wither away and die. usually, magazine mail is NOT forwarded. So..I was a bit surprised and taken aback. But sorry that it had happened that way. Now, FHM is a magazine that does have women wearing bikinis.. and it uses some words that parents of young kids might now want to have lying around the house. So...I said that I would take care of it. And I did. But something else hurt me a bit. I know I am overreacting and I understand the logic. Anywayz... apparently, my aunt's comp got infected by some spyware that would open up indian pornography websites as popups. And she suspected that I may have visited some website that did that. Now, hey... I know I am a guy in the prime of my youth ... but c'mon.... just coz I get FHM and I use their computer late at night (hey I am a night guy and cannot really help it) cannot mean I am an automatic suspect number 1. And as a geek, wouldnt I just KNOW not to open any spyware. But I also guess that she was just trying to make sure. Now, I wont say I have never viewed porn online... but I believe that I have outgrown that phase. quite a while ago. Oh well. cannot help it.

Rant End

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, I am in this surreal state of mind. The fact that I have graduated and need to do something about it is taking it's own sweet time to sink in. I have a few months to kill and I want to get a job. I have been speaking with a few ppl. And I have been planning to work on my resume. I havent done much about it till now. But I believe that I am more or less ready to begin work on it now. But I wonder how I will pass the days. Reading? Online? applying? What should I do? Even if I do apply, it will take a few months for things to be decided. And what do I do with all that time. Thats what overwhelms me. When it was 3 months of vacation in India, I spent a few days at each place... and hardly felt it. Now...I will be staying with relatives... for how many months? As Benjamin Franklin said, "Fish and visitors stink after three days". I feel like a fishy visitor. Despite my relatives being so nice to me. In fact, my aunt told me, "Dont worry at all and dont feel any kind of shyness in staying with us. You are always welcome to come and stay with us for however long you want." I am indeed deeply indebted to them for so much.

I spent an hour writing some heartfelt lines here.. and I erased them as I realized that ...for the first time.. I did not want to put them here. I was beginning to wonder how ppl would react to them... and that was making me change what I was writing... making it not quite true. So..it's gone.
Well I need to be up early.. and the time's much later than I expected it to be. So.. babye ppl. Take care and have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious day.

Happy Sankranthi / Pongal Ppl

2005-01-13T03:17:00.000-05:00

Okies...so today is Pongal.. also known as Sankranthi in Andhra Pradesh, my home state. Sooo.. just wanted to wish everyone a Verry Happy Sankranthi.

Sankranthi ... brings back so many memories. We always had school holidays till the day after Sankranthi (which was usually the 14th of Jan). Sankranthi / Pongal as it is known is the harvest Festival in India. This consists of three days of celebrations in my family.
The first day is known as boghi. This was MY FAVOURITE day. For days before this, we would collect twigs, leaves and other flammable items. Sometimes my aunt would get a few branches cut down and let them dry for a few weeks. The day before bhogi, we would arrange all of this into a big pile in front of the house. Then...on THE day... we would wake up earrrly in the morning.. ( as early as 5:30 am) and have a head bath (basically wash our hair too)... put on new clothes if possible, and go out and start a bonfire. We would throw dried dung patties into the fire and apply their ashes on the forehead. Dried cow dung patties are used in many places as fuel!!! Especially as cow dung does not technically stink (atleast not like human poop) Anywayz.. It was a lott of fun. India does not get too cold (atleast where I stayed)... but january mornings can get quite chilly.. and with the sea breeze.. and the warm fire... and cousins all around we would have fun. Then... onto a nice breakfast (vegetarian). Ahhh.....

The next day.. was Makara Sankranthi. On this day, we would wear our best dresses, again wake up early, and have a head bath. On this day, earrrly in the morning, the the courtyard would be washed and colourful designs (called rangoli... in Hindi or muggulu in telugu) would be drawn with chalk and coloured powder. It was a day to celebrate... I dont remember too well but I dont know if we had any major puja (basically special religious worship). I do know that there are many traditions that are followed. Like wearing new clothes or buying new clothes. Then some intra family gifts are given.. etc. Winter time.. waking up early... is simply wonderful. I remember the clean air...the smell of water on mud, the birds chirping in the morning.. The soft crashing of waves in the background, the sharp winter sun. And my cousins chit chatting. My Uncles and aunts... the dog... my mom and dad.. and above all my grandmother. It was a time of love and happiness I tell you. She would pluck flowers from the garden in the morning for her worship.. and there were often many flowering plants in our house. My aunts liked flowers. So... roses.. Hibiscus... Orange flowers... red flowers.. yellow flowers.. white flowers... :):):). If you were up early enough, you would see the parrots come to drink the nectar of these orangish yellow flower that grew in a corner of the garden. There would be hundreds of sparrows taking dust baths in the mud near the bougenvilea... and I would go running around showing off my new clothes as my uncles and aunts and cousins all complimented me on my "smart" attire!!!

And then... there was the third day called Kanumu. On this day.. we would stop our vegetarian diet and celebrate the harvest (theoretical in our case... as my parents did not really own fields).. by eating vada with chicken curry cooked South Indian style with a lot of gravy. We alwayyyys ate this at one particular uncle's place. The entiiire family would gather at his place and dig in. Yummmm.

My mom would recite this verse that my grandfather supposedly used to sing at the time of this festival.
"Sankranthi panduga nadu, Chanka kindha pettukuni, Sampekonti patteno kodiyoo kodi" (On this festival of Sankranthi, with you in my armpit, I take you to the slaughterhouse.... oh big fat hen). A bit gruesome.. but when you are thinking of feasting on chicken, it isnt that bad a verse;)

Now.. Chicken curry in our family... requires the usage of poppy seeds to remove the "meaty raw" taste. But the poppy seeds result in us alll feeling sleeeeeeepy right after breakfast. Hmmm... and then lunch was again chicken curry...

After a day of lazing around after a heavy meal... we would go and get prepared for school to start. And then.. all too soon.... back to school... back to the hubbaboo of day to day life. Just like life here is now. I barely know when a festival comes...and goes.

Well, I leave Purdue tomorrow. Finally. I do not know when I will be back.. and I do not think I will be back anytime soon. I think I have finally prepared myself mentally that I have graduated and that I need to leave this place. I did meet a lot of my old friends, classmates... other ppl today. So, it was a nice farewell.
Goodbye Purdue..... my alma mater... I'll miss you:)

lazing around or???

2005-01-10T01:24:00.000-05:00

I was about to go for a walk... when inspiration struck for the second time today and I had to blog(Of course...inspiration struck me in the loo just before I left) So I rushed out to write this.

I took a class in history last year. On the history of Science and technology. My prof mentioned a few things.. that were very interesting. Co-incidence? I dont know... but they made sense.

He told us... Newton did his best work during the plague years. In fact, he himself claimed that he had never been able to do that kind of work ever again in his life. Do you know what Newton was doing in the years that the black death invaded europe?? he went home... to sit around doing nothing. The university had closed to prevent possible mass infection.. and everyone went home to the small villages hoping not to get affected. And this was when he did his best thinking. When he did not want to do it.. but he had nothing to do.

Einstein... too... quit his college in germany or someplace and went to Italy where his father had moved. For an entire year... he lay around doing nothing. Or.... apparently doing nothing. it was at this time, while helping his dad build clocks and engineering devices that he began thinking on the concepts of relativity.

So... I sometimes wonder. Will the next 6 months of my life prove really fruitful if all I do is think? if I just sit back... and think. I hope sometimes.. that thats what is going to happen. Call it a dream... or whatever. But.. after wasting my brain for the past few months, I now think I need to put it to work. Now.. back to that walk...

random post from Purdue

2005-01-09T17:08:00.000-05:00

I am now at Purdue. It had snowed here before I got here.. but now the weather is pretty good. it was soooo beautiful yesterday night...with the snow hanging off the trees... and some of the snow had melted and refrozen as icicles. I realized that if California was beautiful... this too was a kind of raw beauty.

I have a friend here. He is a good guy... but a tad unreliable. So.. he said he would pick me up from the bus stop. I wait and wait.. and wait.. and no sign of the good guy. So...I carry my 50 lbs suitcase and walk to his room (10 min walk away) and knock on his door. I call the number he has given me... but it goes to the person's voicemail. I call up another friend, waking him up from his sleep, and discuss my poor plight for 20 minutes that ends up almost draining my battery!! After 1.5 hours outside...it started getting a wee bit cold.. (I was reading my book for a bit)... so I decided to give up. I called another friend who lived across the street from there and went to his place before my cell phone battery died on me. In the end, it turned out my first friend was taking a nap at his friends' place as he was too scared to sleep alone after watching the Mothman Prophecies!!! Jeez!! Excuses!! Oh well. that was my incident for the day.

You know... my mom and sis were telling me that some relatives read my blog regularly and pass comments on me and my family behind my back. They say mean things that sometimes upset my family members. And you know what...I tell my family.. why do you worry? You know the truth and I know the truth. I have no reason to keep anything secret... and thats why I put it up as it is. I am after all a human being going through life ... normally. If someone passes a comment on my life, it is their problem.. and there is no reason to worry or feel upset about it. But there is one thing that makes me mad. That someone will behave in a manner that is mean or will say something to someone. However, they do not realize that they do not follow their own words / suggestions. They pass a comment but do not realize that that same comment applies to them too!! I know that I am guilty of that occasionally but everytime I say something... the first thing I ask myself is... how would I have behaved in that person's shoes. The only thing I expect is that other ppl show atleast that amount of consideration for other ppl's feelings.

moving on....I would like to tell you ppl about a discussion that I had with a friend earlier today. This is just a discussion showing my extreme apathy... and maybe it will offend some ppl. Hopefully though, you will see my point of view.
My friend was telling me how India had not banned the harmful chemical DDT till very late... resulting in large traces of chemicals being present in even breast milk. (upto 23 units in India compared to 2 in the US). And that too when DDT was a useless chemical. I took the argument a level above it all and said... When we humans are taking over the world in such an unnatural form... living in such unnatural population densities... it is ok if a few ppl die here and there. And such a thing will in fact weed out the unfit. I believe that survival of the fittest comes into play each and every time. However, my friend debated that survival of the fittest is only for brutes.. and that humans were capable of rising above that. Her position was that birth control would be the best method of reducing population. However, my argument remained. In today's world... we are making great progress. We are developing better and better technology. We have great technology. But in doing that... we are addling the human mind. Fewer and fewer ppl are writing instead of typing. Fewer and fewer ppl are actually doing simple math in their head. Leave such things aside.... with better medical technology.. people are surviving that would have lived earlier. i.e. Survival of the fittest will break. But will it? With more people surviving.. the unfit will remain... the longer they live... the more the chance that they will suffer from some other disease... or will cause a breakdown of some system because these people are unfit. Somehow or the other... people will die because they are simply not physically or mentally the top of the pack. I have seen arguments stating that in such cases Beethoven would not have lived... or so many other ppl. But my point is not of individuals. Mine is of the world as a whole. As long as we use up a larger piece of the pie than we should, we will have to suffer the punishment.
Does this mean that I will support homicide or mass killings of any sort? Nopes.. absolutely now. I still believe in the sanctity of life. But I do not believe that life is everything... and I do not believe that improving medical technology is the best thing in the world. But would I say the same thing when it came to my own family and friends?? I have thought about that long and hard. Often...I have thought... how would I react if my close relative or friend had cancer or some life threatening disease... would I encourage the best medical technology? I think I would. But would I be mad if my family got hurt or was affected by a natural calamity. I have decided that I would not.... as thats what mankind deserves. Thats why....I do not feel that bad about the people dying in the tsunami. I feel bad for those affected and those suffering as a result. But I am not affected by the deaths. It was something that had to happen. If humans were in smaller numbers... far fewer numbers would have died. Just another way for nature to keep things in check. It's like an invisible hand guiding our actions I feel. The more people get better medical facilities.. the more unfit people survive.. and the more the chances that these people will do something wrong. It's just my belief. However, I do not let this effect my views towards the handicapped. I do not say that they should be killed. NO. In fact, many times.. the handicapped are more fit than some apparently healthy humans. I am only talking on a macro scale... and on that scale... I am on the side of nature. I will not do anything to further my cause as I am too lazy and I know it is not worth it. There is always that invisible hand ... guiding our lives.. and deaths... and working to ensure that earth maintains some sort of balance.

I see that hand

Graduation and beyond

2005-01-07T03:09:00.000-05:00

heyya all.
I am back:). Kinda. I got to San Francisco on the 26th and today is the 6th...sorry...7th(12:10pm) in california. I am now at my uncle's place, leaving for Indianapolis in less than 24 hours. Then...onto Purdue for a week. And then... Chicago. Well, anywayz... This post will be an update of the past week or so... and some thoughts that have been troubling me for the past few days. Meanwhile...I just looked at the stats and overwhelmed at the ppl who still check my blog regularly. Thank You. I will add the radio blog and the tagboard sooon...

first...the update..

The 26th ...I landed in SF where a friend's cousin picked me up. This was a high school reunion. 6 classmates....and good friends meeting up in warm weather to enjoy. Well...it rained most of the time...but we got some excellent photographs that I will put up soon. And we had fun times.....
So... we stayed at my friend's cousin's friend's house. These ppl had gone to india for a vacation.. and so we had the house to ourselves. However, our base of operations was my friend's cousin's place. She made some awesome food for us... and her husband was DA man. He showed us around san francisco... planned our trips.. and basically made sure we all had a lottt of fun. Ramesh Bavagarandi and Neelu akka... three cheers to you!!!
26th.. we rented a car and went to a mall. 27th, we went to roaring camp and the mystery spot and came back. I had to return the rented car while we booked a minivan. 28th, we picked up the minivan... and then the reall fun began. Thanks to Chris Welch at Enterprise, Newark, we got a really good deal. 8 of us packed into the minivan meant for 7 (and no lightweights I tell you)... and we basically went all over San Francisco.. and nearby areas.
some of the best places: Monterey bay, Oakland/berkeley downtown, 17 mile drive, Spanish bay inn, half Moon Bay, San Francisco Downtown, Napa Valley (famous for it's wineries), Old Faithful geyser, Fisherman's wharf, world's most crooked street..etc. We even tried a guys night out and went to a nightclub..... but 2 of my friends didnt have the right ID's even though they were 21. So...no entry...and we came right back.

The first day I was there, I got so excited that I lifted up a chair...smashing the chandelier that was hanging pretty low :(. Saaaad:(:(:(. But they were sooo sweet about it. Then.... there was the snoring. 2 of my friends were snoring 70% of the time at night. One guy would be watching a movie with us...fall asleep halfway through...and then jussst SNOOOOOORE!!! GAH!!!
And then...the incident where I got pissed off as one friend was too self centred (as is my conviction)... but ....as I said....I decided to have my fun and I did. Then... One day..was my frenz cousin's husband's b'day. So... we got a cake and chocos and wine (from a local Napa Valley Winery) for him. And had a party.....(not really surprise... but still). And then....I decided to go meet my mom at my uncle's place. Unfortunately, we got delayed as we went to the temple... and had to drop off a friend halfway there... and then got lost as we were given the wrong directions. TWICE!! (both times...we were told to go South when we had to go North). Anywayz... we ended up reaching my uncles place pretty late. And the return was supposed to be on a treacherous road (State road 17 from Santa Cruz region)....so we had to leave within half an hour. .... and the anecdotes can go on forever and ever.
My friends all left on the 5th. One to LA... another to Illinois, another to Kentucky, another to Pennsylvania and the last one to Idaho. It was great meeting all of them... and we had an especially great time because of 2 very special ppl in SF. Thank You once again:)

Well.... then...I met my sis for a few hours and then came to my uncle's place where I have been relaxing. Tomm, my mom leaves for india .. and I leave for Indy. Interesting ehh? My uncle also gave me a few books to read...
The Seven Daughters of Eve by Bryan Sykes
Illiberal Education by Dinesh D'Souza
Relatively Speaking by Eric Chaisson
The God partice by leon Lederman
and Catastrophe by David Keys. He is more of a science buff (Not sci-fi... but science)...so these books should be interesting reads. I started on the first one...

I have also been catching up on blogs....slowly.. as I have my ibook with me. I have also begun a bit of chatting. mailing.... getting work done. And now...as I delay sleeping and I upload some 250 of the 1000 odd pics that we took, I feel like pouring out some feelings to this blog that I so love and yet hate.

I have been thinking as to what to do after my graduation. I want to try for a job... but another part of me just wants to go to india.. meet relatives and travel. A friend who graduated with me is making plans of trekking in the himalayas and also going to some nature resorts (tiger reserves, rhino reserves...). All of that seems like fun. But I have spent soooo much money these past 2 months. On car rental... flights... just food.... and treats... and on myself. The money just disappeared. :(. What more can I say:(. Maybe I can get a part time job. I dont want to get an internship as I want to go to india in feb/March. Life......is so full of decisions:(. Meanwhile...I want to get down to work on getting an internship. or maybe a job. As for graduate school...I am just not sure. I am just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best:) I have been sooo lazy in my applications...I should be shot. But what could I do... so many things to do....so little time...

Well.... after all that buildup... my feelings came down to only one or two points. But these points are big for me... as they make my life seem sooo unpredictable and so .... I dont know.... immature maybe? or so... unsure. Well... anywayz.. thats my life. it's 1 am now and I better sleep now if I intend to wake up early....

P.S. Pics from my trip are up. 250 or so that I liked...
Linkie for pics

Take care ppl and have an Awesome day:)

Happpy New Year!!

2005-01-01T17:58:00.000-05:00

Heyyaaa Ppl. Here's wishing you a Spectacular and Very Special New Year. May the new year bring you all the happiness in the world:)

Hello?

2004-12-30T16:31:00.000-05:00

Heyyyya ppl!!! Thank you so very much for the wishes. I will definitely try to live up to the expectations;).

well.. for a long time... I have had no or very little access to the internet. So.. no updates... no thanks.. nothing. Well.. here I am now. I am in San Francisco relaxing with some friends. Actually... I am not relaxing... just jumping around having fun. or trying to atleast.

In the meanwhile, my website is currently down for a bit. (www.rokkam.com). So.. as a result, the tagboard and the music server are down. Hopefully, it will be up soon.

I spent a week in Chicago before getting here. Good Food... relatives..... relaxation. I began to wonder how I ever survived on only 5 hours of sleep at Purdue. I have been sleeping by 11pm and waking up only after 8-9 hours. By chance, I was on the same flight to Chicago as my mom and grandmom (as I bought my ticket separately..with no knowledge of their plans). So.. we went to O'hare on the 24th for the flight at 5pm. They said the flight was delayed till 8:30pm. So.. we go out, get back by 6:30.. and wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, we board at 10:30 ... some technical problems. The emergency lights were messed up. At 11pm, they offload us saying the flight has been cancelled and that we would be put on the first flight the next day morning (at 8am) (other flights to SF at 6:15pm and 7:50pm had already left). They gave us coupons for a local hotel and ask us to report back by 5:30am. All this while, my mom and grandmom were waiting. Poor old ppl... had to walk through the terminal... out into the cold, catch the bus, and go to the hotel. Next day..we get back.... and head to the gate again.... looong walk. At the gate... there is a huge line. My uncle got my grandma a first class ticket.. and so she was able to get a seat. But darned United Airlines had just changed aeroplane and replaced a 767 with a 747. However.. that 747 was just not enough..... and 36 ppl...including my mom and I... were left behind. we got some compensation... and then headed back home. Finally, we got first class seats on the 26th at 8am.... and got here safe and sound.

Am now..kinda sulking with my friends. I was so energetic....trying to motivate ppl to do things.. and all I get is ppl not even accomodating a single wish of mine. I mean...I try to accomodate them... and I just feel as if noone appreciates it. So...I decided to just live life normally...not give a damn.. and have fun my own way.

Anywayz..gotta go now. Take care and have a Greatt time. I'll be back:)

2004-12-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

Graduation!!!!! We have done it!!!! I look distracted... but this was one of the better pics;)

The gang.. (standing)Neetika, Raghu, Clive, Jinesh, Konstantin, Borna, Borna's friend, Zhang (sitting) Vishnu Jaju, Jason Lim and Mohan

Mohan , Sathakka, amma, akka, Anje and Siri

More of ze gang.... (I am feeling sad)

Now I am beginning to get reallly scenti.....

gah .. network error

Daily Update

2004-12-18T06:31:00.000-05:00

Ok....today....well yesterday...actually day before...I thought I should go see this new film Swades. So..I asked a friend..and she said I shld get more ppl to go along. Which was my plan anywayz...to get more ppl to come if she came along. Coz....somehow..a part of me wanted to spend time wth her. Well.. anywayz.....so..I got together some friends... and...today..I mean yesterday....(Friday)... went around setting things up....but in the end...she was too tired. Oh Well:). What could I say. Anywayz...went to Indy with my friends ...determined not to be a damp squid. I think I went overboard on that...becoming hyperactive. In any case... went to an awesome Indian restaurant...and then....onto the movie. We ended up getting first row seats.....at an IMAX theatre. Huge screen + first row = not knowing which part of the screen to concentrate on. Hehehe. I think some of my friends got headaches. It was one LOOOOOOOOOOONG movie. A musical like all Indian movies, it ended up going from 9:50pm to 1:40am (with a 20-30 min intermission in between). But I liked the film. Only thing..that kept bugging me was that I may have been able to spend some time with her. Doubtful....but it's my damn heart. Practicality...vs Mohan's heart. Well... Then...we got out at 2AM...and decided to head to the Steak and Shake at the Indianapolis downtown...that I had been to earlier. So....we went there and ate dessert. 3...3:30ish..we are heading back...when I decide I need a drink to keep me awake. Some gatorade....or water. So...I take an exit....looking for a gas station. and I get lost. Anywayz.....after a bit of looping around...and driving parallel to the highway...we find a gas station.

At this time..another friend calls me and asks me when I'll get back...and if I could pick up a friend from her dorm. my roommate..and this close friend of mine..had been out drinking along with her and other friends...celebrating graduation. one of the guys, rarely drinks as such...and this time..he hadnt even eaten properly before heading out. So... the drinks got to him pretty badly. He had reached my friends dorm..that was close to the bars...and was throwing up....and as such..was in no state to walk home. Since I was around 30-40 mins away...I drove down quickly. The poor guy had been throwing up every few mins. Anyway...after making sure he was better...I drove home....and here I am blogging. Now..my other roommate and neighbour just woke up..getting ready for an exam. One told me he was hungry. So...I'll drive down to the McDonald's with them.

Also got to pack up..and write some SOP stuff for applications...and...and.....and...waah......soo much work.
Oh well.
God be with me this next 2 days:)

Take care ppl and have a Greattt time

I am DONE

2004-12-15T22:10:00.000-05:00

I am done. 3 simple words that mean so much. I have written the last examination of my undergraduate career. Now... applications... and sleep beckon me into their waiting arms. I need their solace...to drive away the melancholy of change...to drive away that gloom that pervades my inner being at the thought of saying goodbye to my home for the last three and a half years... and that depression associated with parting from your close friends...maybe forever.

Goodbye for a while people as I cheer myself up.. and prepare myself to face the world stronger....and better.. and with a degree in Engineering in my hands.

Randomm site of the day

2004-12-14T21:06:00.000-05:00

Random site of the day

Random site of the day... www.red.com
it's soo random.. that it is a 1 page site.
I like the picture though:)

I'm back

2004-12-12T21:36:00.000-05:00

Just got back from Chicago....
Met my sis... and mom... and relatives galore:-D

And I am happy too.
And I got this song in my mind...
It just seems soo appropriate;)

Artist: Smash Mouth Lyrics
Song: I'm a Believer Lyrics

I thought love was Only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else But not for me
Love was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted All my dreams

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her If I tried

I thought love was More or less a given thing
The more I gave the less I got, oh yeah
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine, I got rain

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her If I tried

What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine, I got rain

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her
If I tried

Then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
Now I'm a believer
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm a believer
Then I saw her face
I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm a believer

Anywayz...I graduate in 1 week. Exactly. On 19th December, I graduate with a degree in BSEE from Purdue. 3.5 years down the road. It has been a long road... but it seems like just yesterday that I landed in this strange country. The first thing that came to my mind at that time .. was the smell. I smelt cakes and pastries. Now... 3.5 years later...I dont smell that anymore... but life has changed so much. I have changed so much. It amazes me. I have met so many wonderful ppl!!! And had such fun experiences.

Anywayz... my mom. sis, Uncle, cousin and their kids are all coming down for my graduation. Maybe some more too. After that, I stay in Chicago for a few days and then head to San Francisco to spend 10 days with my high school friends. And then... stay with my uncle and spend time with my mom and grandma. After that.... back to Chicago..to look for an internship.. and look forward to graduate school. Maybe a trip to India... but dont know as yet. Lets see how life goes...:):):).

Mother of mine....

2004-12-11T03:27:00.000-05:00

You gave to me all of my life to do as I please.
I owe everything I have to you.
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

Mother of mine when I was young
You showed me the right way things should be done.
Without your love, where would I be?
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

Mother, you gave me happiness much more than words can say.
I pray the Lord that He may bless you every night and every day.

Mother of mine Now I am grown.
And I can walk straight all on my own.
I'd like to give you what you gave to me.
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

My mom is in Chicago. She came here for my graduation. :). So..I am going there this weekend. My sister will also be there:). And... I am thrilled:-D.

The thing that scares me is that someday...I will be mean to my parents and make them very sad. I mean.. they have made me what I am. And I am a happy man. So... I just hope that it never comes to a situation where my parents are pitted firmly against my personal wishes. And I am almost sure it will never come to that. My parents have always known what is in my mind. I have a feeling that they trust me in my decisions... as I trust theirs...and till date, I have always managed to resolve differences by talking them out. My dad is still a bit harder to talk to as he only hears what he wants to hear. But my mom is so very open to discussion.

it is times like this that I realize how boundless the human heart is when it comes to love. :)

so true...so true...

2004-12-10T03:50:00.000-05:00

I’ve got you under my skin
I’ve got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me
I’ve got you under my skin

I’ve tried so not to give in
I’ve said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That I’ve got you under my skin

I’d sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin

-Frank Sinatra

-------------------------------------------------------------------

totally unrelated update:
ok....

so... since I decided that it was prolly just a prank email sent by a friend, I decided to go ahead and ask him. And yeah...it was the guy I thought it was.... playing a prank on me. Something that got a bit too serious.....

but taught me a lot:)
:-)

Now I am TRULY depressed

2004-12-09T13:19:00.000-05:00

Seriously... what kind of person would actually copy paste an insult???? Looks like that's what happened here. The person sending me the hate mail actually got it off the internet!!! And to think I almost thought I was special for the person to have looked up all those words and worked hard to send me that mail. :(. As I said...now...I am TRULY depressed;).

now... I just have 2 finals.. both in relatively easy classes. So... just need to work on finishing up my applications. Hope that goes off well:)..:)

Hate mail update

2004-12-08T19:54:00.000-05:00

Today...I think I know who sent me the hate mail. The PC that the mail was sent from was being used by a person that I thought was a good friend. Now...I am sad... coz this was something I never expected. Oh well.... guess life still has it's lessons to teach me. I know I should go and ask that person about it... but I'd rather not. Coz.. it just isnt worth it.

*sigh*

random saying

2004-12-08T05:16:00.000-05:00

www.raaga.com was an Indian music channel.. where a LOT of ppl would stream the latest Indian music from. However... now... that channel has been taken over by some cybersquatters. Anywayz... I just clicked on an old link to the site... which should open up a "404 Page Not Found" error page. However.. the 404 page on this site.. had an ad for the hosting site... and this little tooltip popup popped up with the following in it.. I just thought it funny / interesting...:)

"Have you practice a litle love today? To your loved ones perhaps? Your parrents, your spouse, your children, your neighbours, or even your enemy? Here is a short tip on how to love them - Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So these three remain ... faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love."

Another thing I forgot to mention was the reason for using bats in my old post. Our cart uses Ultrasonic (High frequency sound that bats use to navigate) to navigate. So... when our cart refused to work, we decided to use 3 bats to power our little cart. So... thats the reason for saying bats.

it's 5:20 am and I am again in lab.... and I have a homework in my c++/java class that is due at 1:30... and I dont know if I can finish it. Also have to prepare for this presentation. Well.. there is a god.... so... I have hope.

Shopping carts and bats

2004-12-07T06:32:00.000-05:00

Well... the last 2 days have been pretty hectic. We have our senior year final design project due on wednesday. So... we have been working on it all this time..as things begin to fail in the last minute...and we begin to get desperate. Anywayz... our project is a shopping cart that will follow a person wearing a beacon. As of 4am today, it did follow the beacon...though not perfectly. We do not hope to be able to make it perfect...but maybe beautify it a bit:-D.

Since Sunday, I have literally lived in lab. coming home at 6-7 am. Waking up... and heading to lab. I didnt have a shower yesterday, the first time all semester!!!! I felt sooo weird. Anywayz... I just got home at 6am...and decided to shower as I wouldnt get another opportunity till much later (As I have to be at work at 9am. so...now for 2 hrs of sleep...or nap...or watever. 2 more days...and my semester will be more or less done. Still have some work.. (and 2 finals) but it wont be that bad I hope.

Thanks ppl. Dont worry abt the hate mail. I really dont care much abt it. As I said...I actually found it pretty funny actually. (I did find out that gombeen means usury (that is involved with lending money at a high rate of interest) and it really isnt a noun. So...that was pretty funny too!!)

Well...the best way to be worry free is to keep doing something..so I am..and so I will be. Take care and have a Greatt time ppl.

hate mail?

2004-12-05T05:34:00.000-05:00

WARNING... CONTAINS CUSS WORDS AND OFFENSIVE MATERIAL

Yesterday...I got a piece of Hate mail. Someone had visited my website (I know that that person is at Purdue)... and sent me an email from my website. More than anything else, the mail made me laugh. It was pretty well written too... with a lot of big words:|. It is reproduced below...for all those who may be interested in it:

"
Hello Mohan Rokkam,

You've received a new feedback from Mr/Ms Admirer.

The following data was submitted:

First name : Secret
Last name : Admirer
E-mail : secretAdmirer@nonexistentserver.com
Comments :

You're stretching credibility beyond it's breaking point by referring to yourself as a man, you pitiful pimple-popping putrid pile of prepubescent puke! You couldn't get a date if you bought them dried in a tin, you under-medicated, rump-ruptured chronic self-abuser. You're the kind of greasy, giggling, girly gombeen who buys STDs from a viral lab just to make it look like you get laid. Who the hell told you that you are attractive? Mr. Magoo? You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a politically vacillating phony liberal fuck; too damn broadminded to take your own side in a debate. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. Like your height, everything about you is average; except your stench - which is overwhelming. Your weight may well be proportional, but you've got cellulite that makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic. You couldn't get a job cleaning shit off a toilet, you utterly useless wrinkled balloon in a muddy puddle of goat's piss. That's a sexy outfit you're wearing. Who shot the couch? I'm not really good with fools, but a friend who is wrote something down for me; Oh, yeah, "Fuck off." May you live a long life and be the butt of many jokes to come."

I need some time off

2004-12-04T18:12:00.000-05:00

Just feeling a bit low. Spoke with a friend from India (it's his birthday)... and my sister... and somehow... despite all the ppl who have been talking to me... been so nice to me.. suddenly..I feel all alone. I think I need some time to myself. I will go hit that book I got (Crime and Punishment).. stay away from it all for a while....

I so feel like going for a loooong drive now. I saw the sunset today... it was beautiful....I took a few pics from my window.. but the glass in between kinda messed it up. That and ambient light...

Awrighty ppl. Take care... and enjoy:)

Mohan.

Dont you dare close your eyes.....

2004-12-03T05:30:00.000-05:00

at the risk of copying this song from a friend's blog...I'll go ahead and mention it...
a song from Aladdin...(I saw this movie just now)

A Whole new world.... Lyrics

My favourite part is when the carpet is hurtling towards the river.. and Aladdin says: "Dont you dare close your eyes..."
I spoke with the girl....spoke out my feelings...(I do tell you...the fear of sounding foolish almost stopped me). But I managed to speak..... and the answer was not something I totally agreed with. But that's life...
At the risk of sounding like a stalker...I somehow feel that I still love her...and more than ever. Do you think that I have love enough for the both of us?

More songs added...and some removed. The one by whigfield...brings back memory of school.. where some girls danced to this song... and somehow..the song got burnt into my memory. This one..and "Sexy Eyes" (first time I heard that song..I didnt believe my ears...someone actually using the word Sexy in school!!!Scandalous)

I am not much of a band or genre person....but I like the following bands / ppl's music best:
Robert Miles
The Corrs
Robbie Williams
you shld try listening to them:)

Confused

2004-12-02T15:20:00.000-05:00

Just was reading my horoscopes (I am a leo cancer cusp...so I read both)..... (I read them for the fun of it). Each horoscope I read is sooo mixed. One says "a risk backfires big time...." but also says "Think about hanging up some mistletoe tonight"(cancer). Leo..says... "The lion may road today and expect others to respond, but clearly someone is not impressed" but then continues to say... "A partner, friend or loved one invites you out. He or she wants to indulge you.".
Another horoscope I read (cancer) states.. "Your mind is playing tricks on you. It can't be trusted. Go with your heart."

Ultimately...of course...I am gonna go with my decision. :). Just thought it interesting as to how we see what we want to see .. or what we fear.. in horoscopes. And suddenly.. that general purpose paragraph...is aimed right at you...

so..I am confused... oh well..:D

As personal as it gets

2004-12-02T01:08:00.000-05:00

I remember... when I started this blog... it was mostly a log of my life. Nothing important. Then... there was a time.. when I used my blog.. as a healer. To write out my innermost thoughts ... so that I would feel better. For the past few weeks, however, I suddenly did not want to write out my thoughts. After all... some of them did not involve me... and I didnt want to write something that I would regret. Today... I realized that I had been unfaithful to my blog. I had vowed to be open...to never have anything to hide... and I was hiding things. So... today...I will write it out in my blog... maybe .. the pain will go away.

I believe I am in love. I have liked this girl since I have known her...(over a year). I have suppressed the feeling.. because...
a) My parents dont approve of love marriages... and I dont like to cause them pain
b)I dont know if the girl would ever like me.
c)She has always only treated me as a friend...

So.. I push this thought to the back of my mind.. and continue with my work. After all, as my dad always tells me.. "your duty is to study. Dont think of anything else". I wonder if he ever followed that... but I do try. Every once in a while.. this thought comes up front.

I go gaga over her everytime... do stupid things around her...and I bet that she thinks I must be nuts. But... thats the way of a lovefool right?
Now.... as I come closer to graduation.... (2.5 weeks away).. I wonder...should I tell her? But I graduate and leave... is it right to trouble her now? what if I come back to Purdue for my masters??

More importantly... how much in love am I? I know I like her a lot. I cannot explain it...in words. I think I may even bug her very often.. but thats only because I like to talk to her. I think that annoys her... but I just cannot control myself.

There is this whole concept... of ignoring the person you like. because.. when you pursue someone.. they tend to not like you as much. It is psychological. When someone pursues us, we naturally think that we are better than them... And yet... I "pursue" this girl. Try to chat with her... talk to her all the time. I dont know why...I really dont.

I think I will tell the girl I love her. And let the world take whatever course it wants to. I think I will be prepared for rejection. And I should also be prepared for questions from my parents and relatives.. who read this blog from time to time. But... love is something that one cannot stop. It's natural..isnt it? So.. how can they even question me? but they will. And now...I think I am prepared.

I can picture my dad telling me at this stage "You should not think of such things now. It is not the age for it. Dont let anything distract you from your studies". To him, my education is more important than anything else in my life. It was like that for me too. My education was more important than living life. It "was". The last few years have changed me. It is not that education is not important any more. It is just that there are other things that I need to learn in life that are equally important...if not more. People skills.... some dress sense...some knowledge in arts... some knowledge outside the world of books and computers and circuits. I think I have been able to make a good start in learning those... and I fully intend to go all the way:)

somehow.. my heart still feels heavy after writing this blog. I know it can and probably will hurt some people. I have spoken badly about my dad. But he loves me.. and only wishes the best for me. It's just that I dont always agree with him:).

on the 19th of December, I hope to obtain my degree in Electrical Engineering... and that day..will ..most probably.. be my last at Purdue. I have made many good friends here... and many many acquaintances. I wonder if I will ever see them again. so.. the heart is a bit heavy because of that too. But ... there is a "Whole new world" out there.. as Aladdin told princess Jasmine... and let me see where my 'magic carpet' takes me...

My Damn Day

2004-11-30T01:20:00.000-05:00

Today I am mad at myself. I have been so distracted all day!! Did not do anything that I intended to do. And I didnt even help my teammate much while we were working on our final project. And the damn project. Circuits that worked when we initially designed and tested them... DO NOT WORK NOW!!! AAAAAAAARGH!!! What is it with these damned circuits. Well.. maybe a little bit of screaming will help me relax a bit.

Anywayz... today.. I think I have made some important decisions. Have to see if I stick to them. Putting this in writing may hopefully make me stick to them. God Bless me and give me the courage to do what I think is right. Thank You:)

Some pics from my thanksgiving trip

2004-11-26T03:08:00.000-05:00

My Cousin's Backyard.... after the snowstorm

My Neices.. making a snowman

Chicago skyline at sunset.. a meagre 4:23pm even after Daylight Saving Time was implemented

Yours truly......at the museum campus

ChooseChicago.com: Chicago Events, Hotel and Restaurant Information and More

2004-11-26T02:53:00.000-05:00

ChooseChicago.com: Chicago Events, Hotel and Restaurant Information and More

I spent the gobble gobble day showing a friend around Chicago. Actually... 2 friends.

it started on Wednesday. I was planning to rent a car and go to Chicago. my neighbour wanted to see Chicago.. as he hadnt ever seen the touristy side of Chicago. Some other friends were supposed to come... but they couldnt make it. However... we had a last minute addition in this freshman guy who had contacted us before he came to Purdue.. and who we had helped out... by way of advice.. but never actually met. Anywayz... the car was booked.. and Wednesday came up nice and decent. It was raining a bit all day... but hey.. a li'l bit of rain never hurt anyone. right?? So.. we left at 3:30pm... so that we could be in Chicago by evening... go to downtown.. get some Indian food at the famous Devon street there (it's the "Little India" of Chicago). Well... mother nature had other plans. I ended up driving through the season's first snowstorm (my very first time driving in snow... and the other 2 guys dont have licenses here... just my luck!!) Well.. 6 hours later... the three of us trudged into my cousin's place in Chicago.. having eaten at a taco bell on the way... as Devon Street seemed unachievable at the rate we were moving at.

The snow was beautiful. We had a quick breakfast... played a bit in the snow... and headed out to downtown.. to see some stuff. So.. Sears tower.... the museum campus.. buckingham fountain... and navy pier were all explored... with lunch at a subway on the way...We got lost a bunch of times...no thanks to a hopeless set of navigators;). The free street parking on public holidays was a great boon. The weather was nice and clear.. and we got some great shots. Then... off to Devon street to grab a quick bite... and then... back to Purdue. This time.. the lack of snow on the roads let me get back in 3 hours....(though we did get lost... and roam around Chicago due to misreading some signs.. and some terrible navigation again...) Now... am reading a nice book in my warm room munching on some danish cookies that we picked up on the way...(The fourth K by Mario Puzo... seems an interesting read)
Some pics will be up in the next blog:)
hope you all had a great time. Happy Thanksgiving. And Thank You... for being what you have always been.. a nice visitor to my blog... and a great person. I know you may have your faults.. but you definitely have a great bit of good in you... so Thanks for being that special person:)

Updates

2004-11-18T16:45:00.000-05:00

Ok... it's been a while since I have posted anything about my life. So.. maybe some updates are in order...even at the risk of posting twice in one day.

Life has become sort of monotonous...sleep..eat... do homework... go to classes (or atleast some of them)...sit on the computer... play games...yeah.. you get the point. Nothing exciting as such.

Well, I did go for a show last weekend... a Diwali show. Diwali (short for deepavali), the Indian festival of lights... celebrating.. as always... the victory of good over evil... and also...to welcome the goddess of wealth. In India, people, much to the chagrin of environmental activists, burst a whole bunch of firecrackers. This causes all kinds of pollution. Birds are burnt to death.. and other animals cringe at the high decibal 'bombs' used. One is supposed to light up the house so as to show the path for the goddess of wealth. Diwali was one of my favourite festivals.. not least because of the firecrackers I burst. That's one thing I miss.

However... at Purdue, the Indian Student Association put up a very fine show with Dances and skits. So...I went for it. I decided to dress up and wear my 'sherwani' (a long flowing Indian dress). I do have a few pics....but my dad says that pics of me posing with girls is harmful for my marriage prospects. So... that picture shall not be posted on my blog. And that was the most exciting part of my week. err month.

Thanksgiving break is coming up... and I am planning to go to Chicago... watch the parade. Just for a few days... and head back to get other work done.
Well... thats the update.

Mo Solo (The lonely goatherd)

blogsense

to blog or not.......

Skirts

I loved you for a while

of tomatoes and more

blogging away without passion

Abu Dhabi Ahoy

moments... that's what life is made up of... moments and experiences

I am a DOG

Travelling and trekking

more random posts

Embarrassed?

Mo Solo (The lonely goatherd)

nothing

noses and more

more personality tests

A series of unfortunate events

Kal Ho Na Ho

Demands

Finding Neverland

Crazy or what?

Food's good

ri-rick..di-rick

the Godfather

I'm lovin' it

random tests

plop...plop.....plopp

Gandhi

handyman

Update

April already?

Something New

Back

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Slow Poke

Defining intelligence

Short Stories

Read a bye baby

Slap me stupid

Explaining myself

blood donation and more

Fear

Wet Moustache

Change

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bored

Desires

Realization

It's Gone Again

Friends!!

Words...

Updates

today

Did you ever...

Someday

Earthly Wisdom

Heaven

Lyrics that I noticed of late...

Chauvinistic?

Never Stop Learning

I'll be there for you??

It's broken

My Dad

Chillax

Engineer? Or technician?

bloglicious - fat = lean mean mohan

It Happened one night

Some of my favourite things

A visual treat

It's So Beautiful

Snow!!!!

Tring Tring

Sense out of nonsense

Happy Sankranthi / Pongal Ppl

lazing around or???

random post from Purdue

Graduation and beyond

Happpy New Year!!