I have a moustache. I didn't used to have one for a wee bit since when I started getting facial hair and now... but, otherwise, I have had a moustache almost all the time since 10th grade or so.
I took it off a few months ago, just to see if I looked better, but my dear fashion conscious niece told me that I looked better with a moustache AND a small goatee right under my lower lip, sorta like the one that Aamir Khan sported in Dil Chahta Hain. So, that's my facial hair for now.
Today, I was walking back, across campus, with two plastic bags in my hands (cookies, yogurt, and frozen parathas). The distance was over a mile. And it was flurrying... or watevering. small flakes of snow were falling all the time... but it wasn't really accumulating as it was warm enough for most of the snow to melt.
But the problem was... some flakes kept LANDING ON MY MOUSTACHE!!!. Then, they would melt.. and the water just sat there between my hairs. Some darned surface tension explanation I bet. Now, each time I took a breath, the presence of the water made my nose feel that something was dripping out, and I began to see images of a kid with a runny nose. Eagh!!
So... the moment I came home, I dumped my bags, took out my handkerchief, and wiped my nose and moustache CLEAN!!
whew.
though I do wonder why I did not think to carry both bags with one hand and wipe the moustache with the other. Maybe the belief that no matter what, as long as I was outside in the snowfall, my moustache would keep getting wet. And I am no spider to keep repeating my actions every time!!!
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Change
For a few days, I have tried to look at my behaviour from an external point of view. So, rather than think of me and mine, I was trying to see how people would see my behaviour. And all of a sudden, it struck me that I was becoming someone that I myself would disdain. So, I am trying to change back to what I was.
Now, I was also wondering if food was the cause of my behaviour. I think I have become more pensive, serious (atleast compared to my earlier self). I am not as active as I used to be. I have also cut down my sugar intake (drinking water instead of cool-drinks/soft-drinks/soda/pop basically). Though I remember reading that sugar intake does NOT make a person hyperactive, I am not sure. So, I used to be hyperactive... and I am not THAT hyperactive. So, should I go back to drinking soda-pop and all so I become hyperactive again??;)
There is this one guy. A freaky looking guy. He never opens his mouth. Only stares. A friend believed that she was stalked by him all of last semester. Now, that she is away, I am seeing this guy all over the place. My only question is... is he stalking ME now?? that's a scary thought...
btw, my roommate/host is playing tragic old hindi songs right now making me cringe.... so, I have to cut this post short while I go strangle him.
Cya
Now, I was also wondering if food was the cause of my behaviour. I think I have become more pensive, serious (atleast compared to my earlier self). I am not as active as I used to be. I have also cut down my sugar intake (drinking water instead of cool-drinks/soft-drinks/soda/pop basically). Though I remember reading that sugar intake does NOT make a person hyperactive, I am not sure. So, I used to be hyperactive... and I am not THAT hyperactive. So, should I go back to drinking soda-pop and all so I become hyperactive again??;)
There is this one guy. A freaky looking guy. He never opens his mouth. Only stares. A friend believed that she was stalked by him all of last semester. Now, that she is away, I am seeing this guy all over the place. My only question is... is he stalking ME now?? that's a scary thought...
btw, my roommate/host is playing tragic old hindi songs right now making me cringe.... so, I have to cut this post short while I go strangle him.
Cya
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Dreams
I have dreams
I was sitting yesterday and thought... what are my dreams? What do I want out of life? What do I want to see in my future?
and then I thought I would put them down in my blog.
maybe my dreams are kinda typical. Everyone wants the same things...
well, in my dreams, I am happy. And I see myself as happy, not with money, but with life. I am doing something I enjoy (atleast to some amount). I make enough money to support myself, as well as my hobby of travelling. I have a soulmate who understands me, and I will spend time and effort making her happy too. I will have enough time leftover from my job to spend time doing things that I enjoy (i.e. it does not take up all my life).
wow.That's all the dreams I have for the future. I always thought they were bigger and more detailed.
people have often asked me where I would like to settle down. I have always claimed to like India. And I do. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really care. I like India for the excellent family support, the whole homely feel, and other small things that one enjoys there. The US is just... comforts, that I think I can make do without. In the end, it boils down to where life takes me. As Sean Connery says in "The Untouchables", (or something to this effect): ~Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even hope for it to happen. It will happen anyways. Just handle it when it happens.~
I have always put women on a certain pedestal. At least, women that I respect. But yesterday, that pedestal slipped down a few notches. Just a sad situation at a party.
Oh yes, I really need to work on poetry:-). Got so much encouragement from all you people.... maybe I should let loose some of the masterpieces from my childhood;)
"Twinkleless twinkleless little moon.
How I wonder what you croon
down below the galaxy so low
like an aeroplane going so slow
twinkleless twinkleless little moon
how I wonder what you croon"
Mwuahahahahaha
I was sitting yesterday and thought... what are my dreams? What do I want out of life? What do I want to see in my future?
and then I thought I would put them down in my blog.
maybe my dreams are kinda typical. Everyone wants the same things...
well, in my dreams, I am happy. And I see myself as happy, not with money, but with life. I am doing something I enjoy (atleast to some amount). I make enough money to support myself, as well as my hobby of travelling. I have a soulmate who understands me, and I will spend time and effort making her happy too. I will have enough time leftover from my job to spend time doing things that I enjoy (i.e. it does not take up all my life).
wow.That's all the dreams I have for the future. I always thought they were bigger and more detailed.
people have often asked me where I would like to settle down. I have always claimed to like India. And I do. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really care. I like India for the excellent family support, the whole homely feel, and other small things that one enjoys there. The US is just... comforts, that I think I can make do without. In the end, it boils down to where life takes me. As Sean Connery says in "The Untouchables", (or something to this effect): ~Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even hope for it to happen. It will happen anyways. Just handle it when it happens.~
I have always put women on a certain pedestal. At least, women that I respect. But yesterday, that pedestal slipped down a few notches. Just a sad situation at a party.
Oh yes, I really need to work on poetry:-). Got so much encouragement from all you people.... maybe I should let loose some of the masterpieces from my childhood;)
"Twinkleless twinkleless little moon.
How I wonder what you croon
down below the galaxy so low
like an aeroplane going so slow
twinkleless twinkleless little moon
how I wonder what you croon"
Mwuahahahahaha
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Moments of thought
~rant~
I have a sinking feeling at the bottom of my heart. Somewhere right above my stomach and just below my sternum. It feels like I am drowning in a sea of endless waiting and that weight in my heart is pushing me lower and lower...towards some remote distant doom.
My horoscope today morning, told me, "You may want a speedy resolution. But uncertainty is what keeps things interesting."
Interesting eh? At this stage of life, I feel like I just need to keep going with the flow.. but the flow seems to have stopped. My brain feels like mud... and my heart feels like pulp. You know, it is times like this that bring out the worst in men. I have always believed that the United States has such a high incidence of wierd crimes because of loneliness. People do wierd things when they have nothing else to do. Here at Purdue, I have spent the past few days meeting up with people. From my freshman year till my graduation. I have met most of the people that have made a difference (and many that really didn't) that are still at Purdue. Now, I have once again reached the stage where I don't know what to do. The activity around me spurs me on to doing something, but what?? People are busy. They have classes to attend, homeworks to do, papers and projects... and here I sit, without a joule of work. I don't like to disturb those that are busy, and maybe that is my problem. And of course, crazy thoughts.... enter my brain. My heart begins to throb with pain and my soul begins to wail a sad song of anger and deceit
It is at times like this that I begin to dream of a soulmate. A friend that I can talk to without worrying about what their impression of me is or wondering what they think of me. Till today, I am yet to find someone like that. And I don't think I ever can. After all, I seek someone so perfect that it can only be god. And I don't believe that I can talk to god. I still remember my first "best" friend. I called him my best friend and he said that someone else was his best friend. My next "best" friend was the same too. After that, I no longer said that someone was my best friend. They were good friends. Maybe I was selfish because I wanted ONE friend, all for myself. At times, I felt that the only reason that anyone was friendly with me was because I was good at studies. But I think I lack something. So, I am not "best" friend material. I may just lack social skills, or that intuition that so many people seem to have.
I do sound pathetic right? Yeah... this is a self centred rant. I almost always talk about myself because I know I cannot offend myself. But that makes me self centred. And so, I try to ask people about their lives... but I just feel nosey. What do I do?
Well, I was feeling really low just a wee bit ago. I was going to blog a sad blog. But that was before I came online. But V's message on the previous blog kinda spiced up my thoughts.. and I just could not go on being depressed. So, I was actually able to analyze my behaviour. I Think. Bleh. Writing this blog makes me think of things other than depressing things...
BTW, yesterday, I decided I should try my hand at poetry.
The outcome was this miserable stanza
My eyes fly over letters...
pages fly by
but nothing I remember
coz she is in my eye
I leave you with that.
I have a sinking feeling at the bottom of my heart. Somewhere right above my stomach and just below my sternum. It feels like I am drowning in a sea of endless waiting and that weight in my heart is pushing me lower and lower...towards some remote distant doom.
My horoscope today morning, told me, "You may want a speedy resolution. But uncertainty is what keeps things interesting."
Interesting eh? At this stage of life, I feel like I just need to keep going with the flow.. but the flow seems to have stopped. My brain feels like mud... and my heart feels like pulp. You know, it is times like this that bring out the worst in men. I have always believed that the United States has such a high incidence of wierd crimes because of loneliness. People do wierd things when they have nothing else to do. Here at Purdue, I have spent the past few days meeting up with people. From my freshman year till my graduation. I have met most of the people that have made a difference (and many that really didn't) that are still at Purdue. Now, I have once again reached the stage where I don't know what to do. The activity around me spurs me on to doing something, but what?? People are busy. They have classes to attend, homeworks to do, papers and projects... and here I sit, without a joule of work. I don't like to disturb those that are busy, and maybe that is my problem. And of course, crazy thoughts.... enter my brain. My heart begins to throb with pain and my soul begins to wail a sad song of anger and deceit
It is at times like this that I begin to dream of a soulmate. A friend that I can talk to without worrying about what their impression of me is or wondering what they think of me. Till today, I am yet to find someone like that. And I don't think I ever can. After all, I seek someone so perfect that it can only be god. And I don't believe that I can talk to god. I still remember my first "best" friend. I called him my best friend and he said that someone else was his best friend. My next "best" friend was the same too. After that, I no longer said that someone was my best friend. They were good friends. Maybe I was selfish because I wanted ONE friend, all for myself. At times, I felt that the only reason that anyone was friendly with me was because I was good at studies. But I think I lack something. So, I am not "best" friend material. I may just lack social skills, or that intuition that so many people seem to have.
I do sound pathetic right? Yeah... this is a self centred rant. I almost always talk about myself because I know I cannot offend myself. But that makes me self centred. And so, I try to ask people about their lives... but I just feel nosey. What do I do?
Well, I was feeling really low just a wee bit ago. I was going to blog a sad blog. But that was before I came online. But V's message on the previous blog kinda spiced up my thoughts.. and I just could not go on being depressed. So, I was actually able to analyze my behaviour. I Think. Bleh. Writing this blog makes me think of things other than depressing things...
BTW, yesterday, I decided I should try my hand at poetry.
The outcome was this miserable stanza
My eyes fly over letters...
pages fly by
but nothing I remember
coz she is in my eye
I leave you with that.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Desires
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
This always makes me question myself as to what I desire, and what I need.
Today, I hope to affect a change in my behaviour. Very often, it happens that I know my mistakes, and yet am unable to change my actions to correct myself. Maybe because it is mostly just a passing thought that I should do something or I should not do something. But now, I have decided exactly what I am going to do and what I will avoid. Hopefully, setting those boundaries will help me improve myself.
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?"
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
This always makes me question myself as to what I desire, and what I need.
Today, I hope to affect a change in my behaviour. Very often, it happens that I know my mistakes, and yet am unable to change my actions to correct myself. Maybe because it is mostly just a passing thought that I should do something or I should not do something. But now, I have decided exactly what I am going to do and what I will avoid. Hopefully, setting those boundaries will help me improve myself.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Realization
Realization is slowly sinking in.... with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and a stabbing pain at the bottom of my heart. But then, there is a kind of hope that fights the realization and absolutely refuses to agree. It's an internal strife that will kill me I say, if I don't get something to do. But one thing, every day teaches me more about myself and about others.
Saturday, February 19, 2005
It's Gone Again
The toilet paper. It's gone holidaying again!! aaaaaargh
EDIT:
P.S. Yeah... So I was searching in some cupboards for the tp when the door bursts open and two women walk in (my friends' friends). So, feeling shy, I decided to go for my shower. As I left the house to go meet some other friends.. I saw it. It was lying on the couch!!! IN the drawing room!!! STARING at me and laughing!! What Cheek!! I mean.. since when was toilet paper left on the couch in the drawing room??
EDIT:
P.S. Yeah... So I was searching in some cupboards for the tp when the door bursts open and two women walk in (my friends' friends). So, feeling shy, I decided to go for my shower. As I left the house to go meet some other friends.. I saw it. It was lying on the couch!!! IN the drawing room!!! STARING at me and laughing!! What Cheek!! I mean.. since when was toilet paper left on the couch in the drawing room??
Friday, February 18, 2005
Friends!!
It is definitely a lot of fun staying with friends.. especially when they are nice to you. I am right now crashing at a friend's place... and oh man... I almost feel like I am back at college. It's sooo untidy( feels soooo homely!! aah!!)... the doors stay open... people walking in and out... I got an air matress in the floor all to myself, with a sleeping bag to cover myself:-D. They have wireless internet that works intermittently... one of the guys' girlfriend bought him a foosball table for V-day.. so we play foosball at 3am, go out for grub at 3:30am:-D. There's company at meals coz someone is almost always as hungry as you.
Now. If only we could solve the mystery of the disappearing toilet paper. These guys are too lazy to go buy anything. ANYTHING. (Other than booze of course;) ). So... they have one roll of toilet paper between the two bathrooms (Ithink hope they ran out....) So.. this roll of toilet paper is my only hope of salvation when nature calls. Bleh. And this very roll decided to hide at that very moment!!! Like.. I see it one day... in one of the bathrooms... and the next day... it goes into hiding. Aaargh!! I search the cupboards, the sinks, the racks... I mean... where can a single roll of toilet paper run off to???
Sometimes.... desperate times call for desperate measures. One has to anticipate the appearence of the tp and act accordingly.. and oh yes, take advantage of any other friend that you visit, if they have a clean restroom:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Went to the Neon Cactus yesterday night with a bunch of friends. I was happy to see a lot of familiar faces. I guess engineers like to party too;). I also dropped in at my home away from home (once upon a time)... the computer lab at MSEE. Met a bunch of people there too...
basically... met a lot of people yesterday:-)
yay:)
Now. If only we could solve the mystery of the disappearing toilet paper. These guys are too lazy to go buy anything. ANYTHING. (Other than booze of course;) ). So... they have one roll of toilet paper between the two bathrooms (I
Sometimes.... desperate times call for desperate measures. One has to anticipate the appearence of the tp and act accordingly.. and oh yes, take advantage of any other friend that you visit, if they have a clean restroom:-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Went to the Neon Cactus yesterday night with a bunch of friends. I was happy to see a lot of familiar faces. I guess engineers like to party too;). I also dropped in at my home away from home (once upon a time)... the computer lab at MSEE. Met a bunch of people there too...
basically... met a lot of people yesterday:-)
yay:)
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Words...
I often believe that I Iack the ability to express my feelings or thoughts very well.
However, I often come across words in books that seem to echo my innermost beliefs.
Today, I came across another such extract in 'Mother' by Gorky:
Mother: "What a way you have of talking Andruysha!"
Andruysha: "What kind of way?"
"As if nobody ever hurt you."
"Is there a soul unhurt anywhere on earth?" he said with a smile, getting up and shaking his head. "They've hurt me so much I don't notice it anymore. What can you do about it , since people are like that? It just interferes with your work if you notice it, and it's a waste of time to brood over your hurts. That's the way life is! I used to get angry with people, but then I saw it wasn't worth while. Everybody's afraid his neighbour's going to wallop him, so he tries to catch him on the nose first."
That's the way I often feel and behave... but I wonder if such apathy is good in life. But I cannot behave otherwise.
"The dogs may bark, but the elephant continues on it way, unaffected, undisturbed, and with focus on it's mission" - Approximate translation of a proverb my mom always told me.
However, I often come across words in books that seem to echo my innermost beliefs.
Today, I came across another such extract in 'Mother' by Gorky:
Mother: "What a way you have of talking Andruysha!"
Andruysha: "What kind of way?"
"As if nobody ever hurt you."
"Is there a soul unhurt anywhere on earth?" he said with a smile, getting up and shaking his head. "They've hurt me so much I don't notice it anymore. What can you do about it , since people are like that? It just interferes with your work if you notice it, and it's a waste of time to brood over your hurts. That's the way life is! I used to get angry with people, but then I saw it wasn't worth while. Everybody's afraid his neighbour's going to wallop him, so he tries to catch him on the nose first."
That's the way I often feel and behave... but I wonder if such apathy is good in life. But I cannot behave otherwise.
"The dogs may bark, but the elephant continues on it way, unaffected, undisturbed, and with focus on it's mission" - Approximate translation of a proverb my mom always told me.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Updates
Well, life is going on. I am at Purdue now... Was able to make it down for valentine's day (as Ali was coming down.. and he gave me a ride down).. and also to get prepped for a job fair that's taking place here on Monday. so.. crashed at Addy's place. Life is awright.. meeting up with friends:) Went to a bar with Ali yesterday (us graduated folks got nothing else to do ehh;) ). The main thing I hate about bars and clubs is that clothes stink of cigarette smoke!!! And since I gave up soft drinks and don't drink alcohol, I was wondering what I would do there. So...got myself a coke and took a few sips. Met the two Jorges I know (pronounced as Horhay) at 'Where Else" .. and some other kool guys too. Stayed for an hour or so but my eyes started burning due to all that smoke.. and since Ali wasn't alone, I walked back.
Also went to triple XXX at like 3am for some grub. It's supposed to be Indiana's first drive in restaurant. had their famous root beer float and some eggs. Anyway.. this girl working there.. was stacking some tabasco bottles in the counter. Her boss told her that there should be 5 tabasco bottles at each counter. And how many did she put there? Four. Right after her boss told her fiiiive!!! hahaha.. that was our entertainment for the night... other than Ali's corny jokes...
"What did the fish say when it hit the wall?......Dam"
"What did the Indian Electrical engineer turned astrologer say? ..... Ohm"
bleh.
Also... finally got an interview.. after like sophomore year!! Wish me luck people:) I need it!!
As for college admissions... went to the Purdue folks.. and they said.. you should know by this month end.. *keeping fingers crossed*.
"If you're doing it right, every day is Valentine's Day." -Chad
Also went to triple XXX at like 3am for some grub. It's supposed to be Indiana's first drive in restaurant. had their famous root beer float and some eggs. Anyway.. this girl working there.. was stacking some tabasco bottles in the counter. Her boss told her that there should be 5 tabasco bottles at each counter. And how many did she put there? Four. Right after her boss told her fiiiive!!! hahaha.. that was our entertainment for the night... other than Ali's corny jokes...
"What did the fish say when it hit the wall?......Dam"
"What did the Indian Electrical engineer turned astrologer say? ..... Ohm"
bleh.
Also... finally got an interview.. after like sophomore year!! Wish me luck people:) I need it!!
As for college admissions... went to the Purdue folks.. and they said.. you should know by this month end.. *keeping fingers crossed*.
"If you're doing it right, every day is Valentine's Day." -Chad
Monday, February 14, 2005
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Did you ever...
Did you ever....stop what you were doing coz that song playing in the background suddenly hit home... ?
Friday, February 11, 2005
Someday
A few mins of "Meet Joe Black" as I channel surfed, was all I caught. And all I could think of.. was how much anthony hopkins reminded me of my grandfather. A distinguished old man, with strong principles. I began to dream of a day.. that I too would be that distinguished.. develop that ability.. that look. After all, life is all about learning... and growing as a person. And I can see the goal. As my grandfather told me... just once... but once was enough..."Aim for the stars and you will at least reach the moon". I AM going to aim for those stars.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Earthly Wisdom
Just finished "The Good Earth" by Pearl S Buck. A very nice book...I could not put it down. Not because it is a mystery or a thriller... but because of the very nature of the writings. Pearl S Buck writes with such great descriptions.. and with such a clear insight... that I could not help but keep reading. The book just follows the life of a chinese farmer...from the day he marries...till he becomes an old man. It takes him from his days as a poor hard working farmer to becoming a wealthy landowner.
The book has moved me so, I hardly know how and why. Maybe it was because she describes how one's thinking changes with time and one's current position. Maybe because she describes things so realistically that one just lives the life of the man in question. I felt happy and lusty when he took a concubine and I felt his love for her. I felt that very love fade when he saw through the veneer of her false love. I felt his sadness and regret when his wife fell sick and died. And I felt his disinterest when his sons and daughters-in-law squabbled over minor issues. And the book also reminded me of Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, in that, one needs to experience something, and then get done with it, to understand it's nature. Having lived the life of Wang Lung through this book, I almost feel as if I have learnt something new. Something that I cannot express... but something that will make me understand a lot more in life.
Read it if you can:)
The book has moved me so, I hardly know how and why. Maybe it was because she describes how one's thinking changes with time and one's current position. Maybe because she describes things so realistically that one just lives the life of the man in question. I felt happy and lusty when he took a concubine and I felt his love for her. I felt that very love fade when he saw through the veneer of her false love. I felt his sadness and regret when his wife fell sick and died. And I felt his disinterest when his sons and daughters-in-law squabbled over minor issues. And the book also reminded me of Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse, in that, one needs to experience something, and then get done with it, to understand it's nature. Having lived the life of Wang Lung through this book, I almost feel as if I have learnt something new. Something that I cannot express... but something that will make me understand a lot more in life.
Read it if you can:)
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Heaven
"Is there a Heaven"
"Oh Yeah. It's the place where dreams come true"
from 'Field of Dreams', on TBS last night.
"Oh Yeah. It's the place where dreams come true"
from 'Field of Dreams', on TBS last night.
Lyrics that I noticed of late...
Words (Beegees)
"Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.
Don't ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear
to me.
This world has lost its glory, let's start a brand new story
now, my love.
Right now, there'll be no other time and I can show you how, my
love.
Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me.
And I will give you all my life, I'm here if you should call to
me.
You think that I don't even mean a single word I say.
It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart
away.
She's a Rainbow (Rolling Stones)
"I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
I'm so hot for her, I'm on fire for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
Yeah, I tried re-wiring her, tried re-firing her
I think her engine is permanently stalled
She's so cold she's so cold
She's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
She's so cold, she's so cold
she's so cold cold cold like an ice cream cone
She's so cold she's so cold
I dare not touch her my hand just froze ... Click here for the complete lyrics"
"Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me.
Don't ever let me find you down, cause that would bring a tear
to me.
This world has lost its glory, let's start a brand new story
now, my love.
Right now, there'll be no other time and I can show you how, my
love.
Talk in everlasting words, and dedicate them all to me.
And I will give you all my life, I'm here if you should call to
me.
You think that I don't even mean a single word I say.
It's only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart
away.
She's a Rainbow (Rolling Stones)
"I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
I'm so hot for her, I'm on fire for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
I'm the burning bush, I'm the burning fire
I'm the bleeding volcano
I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her
I'm so hot for her and she's so cold
Yeah, I tried re-wiring her, tried re-firing her
I think her engine is permanently stalled
She's so cold she's so cold
She's so cold cold cold
Like a tombstone
She's so cold, she's so cold
she's so cold cold cold like an ice cream cone
She's so cold she's so cold
I dare not touch her my hand just froze ... Click here for the complete lyrics"
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Chauvinistic?
I finished a book today. "The Trumpet Major" by Thomas Hardy. The book, though just decent, got me thinking. It's set at the time of Napolean's plans for the invasion of England, and it highlights a fair lady, and her three suitors. The book meanders quite randomly, with 2 of the 3 suitors (brothers at that) .. alternatingly courting her and giving her up for their brother. More interestingly... the woman does manage to be changed by words... and falls in and out of love with either one. The 3rd suitor only serves the purpose of being a Hindi Movie like villain. He runs after the maiden, attempts devious schemes.. and ends up being conned into marrying a woman of low character. As for the heroine, she ends up marrying the younger, more fickly minded fella, while the older, steadier guy leaves them and goes away to war.. where he dies. He loves her much more than his brother ever could... but he sacrifices all of it for his brother... for the brother he helped bring up... and the brother he loved.
an interesting portrayal of people... and...the way they think, though liberally smeared with chauvinistic thoughts.
an interesting portrayal of people... and...the way they think, though liberally smeared with chauvinistic thoughts.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Never Stop Learning
Every day, one can learn something new:). Isn't it? I went to a superbowl party today.. and met some really nice ppl.. who showed me how to make a new guest feel completely at ease. Yepp... Each day brings us such opportunities. I hope that I never forget to keep on learning..
Saturday, February 05, 2005
I'll be there for you??
Friendship.... I have often wondered how deep or close a friendship should be. Or is. Is there an assumed level of closeness? There are some friends that I feel are close.. and yet..if hard pressed...would feel very far from. There are friends I was very close to... but when I meet them, I have nothing to say. I wonder if I am really that close. Or do I trust people enough? Especially in the 3.5 years I spent away from my friends in India....I made new friends for sure... but somehow... a distance crept between me and my old friends that made me feel cynical about friendships in general.
One person... that I barely knew....even when I was in India.....once asked me about the girl I loved.. and said.. 'Arent we all here for you Mohan. You should have told us about it". It made me feel flattered.. and yet I wondered... did she really mean it? I mean... she never did tell me when she was in love.
I remember another saying which went something like this "Do we ask our friends to just 'talk it out' to help them, or are we just titillated by the details". I sometimes think it is because we are titillated by the details.. I mean.. who doesnt like to hear the sordid tales of a friend's escapades... their weaknesses?
All this was triggered by a simple sentence in the movie "sideways". A brief outline of the plot: 2 middle aged friends (roommates in freshman year of college) go on a trip upto california's vineyards to enjoy the last week before one of them gets married. The guy getting married is an actor and the other guy is a middle school english teacher and a failed writer. The actor wants to "freak out" this last week before marriage and hits on a girl (girl 1) he meets. He arranges a double date for his friend with another girl (girl2) who happens to actually like the writer, who is a common visitor to the vineyards. Sounds complicated.. but that's just me explaining. Anywayz... he doesnt tell the girls that he is getting married next week and professes love to girl1. He even tells failed writer that he loves girl1 and that he plans to put his marriage on hold. In the end, failed writer slips up and tells girl2 that his friend is getting married. In the car .. while discussing... girl2 asks failed writer if actor really means it when he says that he loves girl1, failed writer says "He is an actor. This is what he does". I mean, this is one of his closest buddies.. and the guy is saying that he doesnt trust him. That he knows that his friend lied TO HIM!!
This got me thinking. Does one lie to friends? I mean, I normally cannot lie. I may conceal the truth at most, or avoid it..if it is truly unpleasant. But lying? Saying something without meaning it? I mean... one reason I cannot give a nice compliment is because I cannot make one up without thinking that I may be lying or exaggerating!!!! I find it very disconcerting that people can lie. I mean... serious deep lies. Not the frivolous jokes that people play all the time with no harmful intention. I trust people, especially my friends. Thats why I get conned easily...
Is that why I am wary of friends even when they are apparently close?
Edited
Just thought I'd add some more from a comment...
"I believe that friendship is a way for humans to just have company. I no longer believe that friends are forever... and I am happy with that. I know that I will always be willing to do a lot for my friends... but I have stopped expecting anything much from them in return. :). You say that old friends from India will always be soulmates... I say that it's better to move on if need be and not expect anything from them. Make the most of friendships as long as you are close (What is friendship after all... if not to just have someone to spend time with.. have fun with...share joys and sorrows). So what if you are not that close? How does one become close? Rather than be depressed about not having close friends, I have decided to just make the most of what I have:)."
I believe that friendships take time and effort to maintain, and that time and effort needs to be expended on both sides to maintain it. So... if a friendship grows distant, I will not expect anything close from them... but I'll be more than willing to start fresh with them again when the opportunity arises.
music: There she goes....There she goes again...
One person... that I barely knew....even when I was in India.....once asked me about the girl I loved.. and said.. 'Arent we all here for you Mohan. You should have told us about it". It made me feel flattered.. and yet I wondered... did she really mean it? I mean... she never did tell me when she was in love.
I remember another saying which went something like this "Do we ask our friends to just 'talk it out' to help them, or are we just titillated by the details". I sometimes think it is because we are titillated by the details.. I mean.. who doesnt like to hear the sordid tales of a friend's escapades... their weaknesses?
All this was triggered by a simple sentence in the movie "sideways". A brief outline of the plot: 2 middle aged friends (roommates in freshman year of college) go on a trip upto california's vineyards to enjoy the last week before one of them gets married. The guy getting married is an actor and the other guy is a middle school english teacher and a failed writer. The actor wants to "freak out" this last week before marriage and hits on a girl (girl 1) he meets. He arranges a double date for his friend with another girl (girl2) who happens to actually like the writer, who is a common visitor to the vineyards. Sounds complicated.. but that's just me explaining. Anywayz... he doesnt tell the girls that he is getting married next week and professes love to girl1. He even tells failed writer that he loves girl1 and that he plans to put his marriage on hold. In the end, failed writer slips up and tells girl2 that his friend is getting married. In the car .. while discussing... girl2 asks failed writer if actor really means it when he says that he loves girl1, failed writer says "He is an actor. This is what he does". I mean, this is one of his closest buddies.. and the guy is saying that he doesnt trust him. That he knows that his friend lied TO HIM!!
This got me thinking. Does one lie to friends? I mean, I normally cannot lie. I may conceal the truth at most, or avoid it..if it is truly unpleasant. But lying? Saying something without meaning it? I mean... one reason I cannot give a nice compliment is because I cannot make one up without thinking that I may be lying or exaggerating!!!! I find it very disconcerting that people can lie. I mean... serious deep lies. Not the frivolous jokes that people play all the time with no harmful intention. I trust people, especially my friends. Thats why I get conned easily...
Is that why I am wary of friends even when they are apparently close?
Edited
Just thought I'd add some more from a comment...
"I believe that friendship is a way for humans to just have company. I no longer believe that friends are forever... and I am happy with that. I know that I will always be willing to do a lot for my friends... but I have stopped expecting anything much from them in return. :). You say that old friends from India will always be soulmates... I say that it's better to move on if need be and not expect anything from them. Make the most of friendships as long as you are close (What is friendship after all... if not to just have someone to spend time with.. have fun with...share joys and sorrows). So what if you are not that close? How does one become close? Rather than be depressed about not having close friends, I have decided to just make the most of what I have:)."
I believe that friendships take time and effort to maintain, and that time and effort needs to be expended on both sides to maintain it. So... if a friendship grows distant, I will not expect anything close from them... but I'll be more than willing to start fresh with them again when the opportunity arises.
music: There she goes....There she goes again...
It's broken
It was waiting in a corner of the refrigerator... beckoning...reminding me of those days that it had graced my meals... and the times in between too. I reminded myself that I had given it up. I had given up all caffeine... but ONE PEPSI?? "Just one... c'mon...u can stop again." said that teeny cute devil on my shoulder. It's been.. what..like 5-6 months now since I gave up soft drinks?? I had ONE sip in between during winter break.
It's there...
It's lying unopened....
cha-fizzz.....and the deed's done
glug glug glug....aaaah...
siiigh...it tastes sooo good.
And Borna tells me.. "sinful things often do", she being my listening post as I debate drinking it or not.
Well.. the deed's done.. and tomorrow is a brand new day.
Mohan... No More Caffeine for you. AND NO MORE SUGAR. You get tooooo hyper.
glug glug glug .. mhhhffmmmfmfft
------burp------
It's there...
It's lying unopened....
cha-fizzz.....and the deed's done
glug glug glug....aaaah...
siiigh...it tastes sooo good.
And Borna tells me.. "sinful things often do", she being my listening post as I debate drinking it or not.
Well.. the deed's done.. and tomorrow is a brand new day.
Mohan... No More Caffeine for you. AND NO MORE SUGAR. You get tooooo hyper.
glug glug glug .. mhhhffmmmfmfft
------burp------
Thursday, February 03, 2005
My Dad
Fathers are funny. Mine is no exception. Or.. maybe mine is exceptionally funny. A man with a strong sense of humor, he has never ceased to make fun of people. I remember writing an essay in one of my lower classes.."My father is short and stout. He is strong". And a few other such unflattering statements. He was so proud that he took it to his workplace and showed off my skills.
He is a strong man... physically as well as mentally...but also a bit headstrong. He has been calm at times when others were worried. His only weakness, if you can call it that, is his affectionate nature and his love of family. The only times I have ever seen him cry (like any strong man... he has cried...yes), has been when he left India, saying goodbye to his family and friends, to start a new life.. and again.. when he said goodbye to me.. as I left for the United states to further my education.
He has been a good guide in my life. A person who has given more thought to my future than I myself.Yet, he has always placed an immense amount of trust in me. He always let me do things as I saw fit. In fact, he gave me the independence to take my life into my own hands and decide what I wanted to do. Independence and trust ... that has shaped me to make me what I am now. Today... he embarks on a new journey. A new job, new people and new friends. In preparation... he has sought the blessing of all the gods, meeting, personally, as many as possible at various temples. As my grandma told me today... it did not seem as if he was visiting them as he spent all his time visiting various temples.
Well, my blog has scared him. He is considering marrying me off for a fat dowry. Even before I settle down with a job. He wants to spend the money on himself... to travel around the country..to buy himself a 4 wheel drive (his desire for a long time now...is to own an SUV....).. to take my mom on a tour of europe.
Wish I could fulfil his desires as he has fulfilled mine.
Someday...I hope to.
Wish You All the Very Best of Luck Dad:)
"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant that I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
-Mark Twain
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