Demands

Ever get the feeling that you don't deserve someone because all you have ever done was demand something from them but never have anything to give back? And you feel that that is so because you just don't know what to give, and all that you CAN give, they already have?

Finding Neverland

If you believe in fairies, clap your hands

*clap clap*

After all, growing old is compulsory, growing up isn't.

Crazy or what?

Ok... back to Chicago. Caught a train back to Chicago Prettty early in the morning. Anyways... the trip was pretty uneventful... I finished reading "Interpreter of Maladies" by Jhumpa Lahiri and realized that she has a pretty standard theme to most of her stories. They tend to revolve around academics, many of whom end up studying at MIT or similar institutions.. and their kids. Darned brilliant folk eh!! And she is pretty darned cynical about love and marriage. So.. that's the negative part. But maybe she is too much or a realist.. unlike me. I like to believe in all things being good and nice and that everyone (or almost everyone) is a great person.

Which makes this kinda funny as I now go on to make fun of this guy I saw on the train down to Chicago. He was this guy with a small CUUUTE smiley baby sitting two rows in front of me.. and talking across the aisle with another lady... about STAR WARS!!! Yep... that's right. he was a Star Wars nut. I mean... the whole 'Planters nuts' deal. He had read the star wars books and the comics, collected various figures.. played many star wars games (on the computer and in real life...) and so on.. and so forth. Not that it is anything bad... but I just found it interesting that someone can be THAT interested in a movie or a book and that a simple story can cause people to get that deep into something. I mean.. it isn't even real.. and he is talking of jedi moves and people 'learning' Jedi moves...
But then again... I have friends that are big into role-playing games (no no.. not THAT kind of role playin... just dressing up as wizards and so on casting spells etc and running around with fake swords etc). I guess it is a kind of way to bring some meaning into your life... find something to do.

Food's good

Went for lunch to Fazoli's. MmMMmmmm. Good food. And it was darned cheap too...especially this one dish that my friend showed me. Ate a lot. And as she said...the chocolate cake was reallly yummy. Too bad I was too stuffed to eat more than a bite. Bah.

Went to the lafayette brewing company for dinner with HKN (The Purdue EE honor society) (some friends in it actually...I never joined the society...it wasn't worth the effort) Decent food.

went bowling in the evening. I scored the lowest...BUT
My ruby ring (which is normally a dark opaquish maroonish red) glowed blood red under blacklight (UV ehh).
Wicked!!

Saw Napolean Dynamite. so so movie.
up till too late...now. 6:40 am...and I just had a shower as my hair felt icky. Bah.. have to wait till it dries out completely....

Dil Kehta hain...chal unse mil..uthte hi kadam...rukh jaate hain...
hum dil ko kabhi samjhaate hain...dil humko kabhi samjhaati hain
(hindi song lyrics... translated as... My heart tells me..go visit her..but my foot halts even before I get up.
Sometimes...it is the heart that consoles us... at other times, we have to console our hearts)

ri-rick..di-rick

Trains... that go ri-rick..di-rick... ri-rick di-rick. Swaying gently ... lulling it's passengers in a cocoon of steel. I have always loved trains. The disorganized organization in the stations.. the vendors selling books, food items, toys, chains and locks.. (all this in India of course...). And the 'coolies' The men in red shirts that carry luggage.. arguing with people. The train announcements in three languages.... In the midst of all that excitement, the train waits serenely.. arriving and leaving at it's appointed moment (usually) with no consideration for the shouts and screams of others. One sees people waving through the windows, peering through some searching for their loved ones... running to buy a last minute snack or reading material.

And once we are travelling.. it is another kind of life. Sitting down or sleeping... walking up and down a bit. making friends... or staring at the person sitting next to you or across from you. But most of the time, I would look outside the window. The second class coaches in india have open windows with grilled bars to prevent people from falling out. So, a brisk warm wind blows in most of the time. Of course, if it is raining or too cold, we get to close the window with a glass shutter or a steel shutter with vents.

And we fly past cities and towns... little villages consisting of a few houses, a cow or two grazing in the backyard. Fields after fields...brown, green or black depending on the time of the year. Sometimes, all one sees are rocky plains surrounded by rocky hilld. Some people wave to you. Sometimes, they are busy using the area as an open air bathroom and they rather you were not there to stare at them. But all the time, the train keeps flying past. Not waiting to give me a second glance of something... but like a film at a theatre... moving on all the time.

I spent a lot of time in trains yesterday. I caught a train to Purdue. The soft swaying of the train, the clicking of the wheels as they bounced from one rail to another.. all of it took me far away. And then there was the view from the window. villages and towns....a few lights in the distance...marking the presence of humanity. Trees swept by, dark and morose. Canals and shiny snaking rivers...

The beauty of it all kept me awake.

And then there was the book. 'The Namesake' by Jhumpa Lahiri. A very wonderful book. There were times when I looked up from the book, and away, to stop the onslaught of tears that seemed to be perched at the edge of my eyes. It spoke of love and confusion. Of family and responsibilities. I wanted to call my parents, tell them how much they meant to me, and always have. I have stayed aloof..and yet, I feel so close. Today, I realized that I know nothing of their childhood. Nothing of their actual dreams and desires. Their goals as children. Their lives. I have always assumed that they lived to take care of me and that I was their responsibility and that was that.

I feel awakened and caught in a cage. But I am confident and happy too. It is the knowledge that is important. I am young and flexible..and I do hope that I do not make the mistakes that I have learnt through other people. After all, in a sense, reading a good book means living the life of the characters.

the Godfather

Hmm.. I have ebooks on a website... the bandwidth limit is 50 gigs.. and in less than 15 days.. with no advertisement AT ALL...(just google indexing it)... 40 gigs have been used up.. so I had to cut it off...

what else...

been applying all over the place for a job. I know I am good, I have the skills and I am motivated. So.. I do hope to get a job soon.

I also want to travel.. see someplace new. Chicago is a great place.. but someplace different.. would be nice:-)

Well.. allergies are catching up. But it's lovely outside. So what if I sneeze a bit..sniffle a wee bit. It's amazing weather:-)

Started on Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake...

I don't know why.. but nowadays.. somethings seem to be affecting me more than normal. I always led a pretty distant life from others. I kept them at a distance.. even my parents and sis. I had great respect for them but I somehow felt that I kept them at a distance. I think it was my way of remaining unaffected by other people. My way of leading life with no distractions... But nowadays... reading about the affection for the child by parents... and other such mushy things are making my eyes moist. I mean.. it's like this pang of affection that brings a little bit of moisture to my eyes, a small contriction in my heart .. and it's gone.

"He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat." - Napolean Bonaparte
anyways... with eternal hope
I sign off

I'm lovin' it

It's a beautiful day
I love spring showers...
I love rain in general.. especially when the weather is nice and warm.. and you hear the pitter patter of raindrops. It takes me back to days gone by... and also brings me into a relaxed mood.
And I love the colours around me. Bright flowers.. entire trees in bloom!!! It really is beautiful.

I am a crazy guy eh. Wishful thinking... dreamy...and absolutely nuts in some respects...but I'm lovin' it (As the latest McDonald's ad goes...) I see some folks and I start putting myself in that position 2.. maybe 5 years from now. I see myself doing stuff...I see someone's face a lot too. As I said...I have become dreamy. But I am happy. And reading is nice.
But..I am becoming a bit too complacent.. getting used to my lifestyle.. NOT GOOD. So.. started working towards changing things:-)

God Bless ya folks... lets all enjoy the beauty that surrounds us and that God has given us (for you women.. that includes guys around you... and of course...I don't need to tell the guys anything;) )
Enjoy!!!

random tests

Ok... so.. I saw these tests/ surveys on a friend's website and decided to take them
The first one...
What age do you act

it says I am 18 years old :-p
(P.S. I am 22 years old... going on 23)

Then.. is this dating quiz.. lemme see how I rate on that one. I don't think that they will ever say anything negative about you.. but oh well.. here goes..
it's a dating profile test at Dating Diversions

Here is the entire thingie... pretty much what I already knew...

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile: Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind. Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Liberal 3. Practical 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Intellectual 6. Traditional 7. Romantic 8. Adventurous 9. Sensual 10. Outgoing

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Intellectual 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Funny 5. Adventurous 6. Conservative 7. Stylish 8. Athletic 9. Sensual 10. Outgoing

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

listening to Yanni.. and going to get back to Naipaul's A Bend in The River.
Next is.. Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake:-)
Books are awesome :-)

plop...plop.....plopp

well.. not much updates.

I am at my aunt's place...so only on dialup. Spent some time downloading updates for this computer.....painnnful.
Also.. helped my aunt around the house.. fixed two toilet flushes (surprising myself...) and a leaky tap (again surprising myself)
well..I AM capable of some good work;)

Hmmm...
was theorizing ... I was soo busy in my teenage years.. what with studies and all that.. that I didn't have time to go through all that teenage angst stage and all. So.. now is the time for that to hit me. Or something like that

Also been getting plenty of sleep. 8 hours on average... compared to the 5-6 4-5 hours that I got at college. So.. have been dreaming a lot too. Of course...I don't recollect any dream after I wake up.. but they seem so real. In fact, I remember a dream in which I was so surprised about something that I hoped that it wasn't a dream.. and I convinced myself that it wasn't.. till I woke up.. when I realized that it was a dream. Sheesh. Confusing.

btw, I am concentrating on my job hunt. You can help me out by passing my resume to those that might be interested in hiring an electrical engineer. Thanks.:-)
resume

Any tips on improving my resume will also be appreciated. Just email me at mrokkam@rokkam.com

Have a wonderful day:-)

Gandhi

I saw Gandhi today. A truly inspirational movie. A movie of a man who stood for truth, love and principles. Today, I make a promise unto myself. I shall strive to stick to my principles. I shall remember that truth, and truth alone will be the victor, even if I lay as a minority of one. And I shall remember to love each and every person, no matter what they might have done. For love is the all encompassing and all overcoming power.

I truly admire the movie too. It is excellent. Watch it if you haven't already. Ask me.. and I will try to get you the movie.

handyman

well.. life is slow... more or less.
So...I was helping my cousin by doing some work for their basement... some wiring work .. that some firm was charging an arm and a leg for!!! So.. we were like.. uhmm..it's ok.. we'll do it:-). So.. that was a nice thing for the weekend. (and a little beyond). Errors were corrected.. workarounds used.. and with some help from my nieces.. the work got done :-D

I also came across some nice lyrics...
Beauty by Dru Hill
"Sorry, didn't notice you there
But then again you didn't notice me
So we'll remain passers by
Until the next time we speak
I hope that I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart ...

Also.. need to finish up my taxes... yay. I'm supposed to get back 20$ !!!

I try to sleep early.. but it doesn't work....
for example...I wanted to sleep since 2 am (ok fine.. 3).. and people came online.. and I chatted.. and then had some file transfer stuff.. and Addy wanted me to find some lyrics...(I couldn't believe my ears that this dude from Delhi couldn't understand the hindi lyrics!!!)(bleh.. he probably was exaggerating) and .. see.. it's 4:30.

Ok.. sleeping now. Up by 10:30 :-)
adios

Update

update
I got rejected by Purdue for grad school
Just one school left.
so..going to be concentrating on getting a job now.

April already?

Time's moving fast. It's already April. It seems like I graduated just yesterday...
well... things haven't really changed much for me. But the past week has been a bit busier.

my nieces have had spring break. so.. been out of the house a bit. Went to a Children's museum where I played with soap bubbles and water fountains.. and air jets.. and flourescent materials...and black lights (Hey.. it's Funn and educational too!!).
Then... the field museum beckoned and I had a gala time taking the kids through it...though we hardly managed to see a quarter of the museum.
And today.. went for a movie.. Sin City.
In between were laced days without internet that I managed to face with no difficulty. I did not even feel a pang of withdrawal. A day night of watching Cleopatra with Liz Taylor...a four+ hour long epic ... which wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Just a footnote.
The past few months (actually .. more than just a few months) have been a bit new and exciting for me. You know why? Because I lost interest in techie stuff. it still was interesting and all. But now, I am more focussed on a different kind of learning. I am trying to learn more soft skills, people skills. I am trying to .. maybe .. look better, understand people better, use things other than just technical skills to take over the world. i.e. I am trying to become a bit more well rounded. There was a time when I thought that my brains alone should talk for me... but now I am working towards a more well rounded feel.

P.P.S. Sin City was so so. Not too great a plot. Acting was good to mediocre. Effects were decent. But Jessica Alba still looked soo good:-)