Hello?

Heyyyya ppl!!! Thank you so very much for the wishes. I will definitely try to live up to the expectations;).

well.. for a long time... I have had no or very little access to the internet. So.. no updates... no thanks.. nothing. Well.. here I am now. I am in San Francisco relaxing with some friends. Actually... I am not relaxing... just jumping around having fun. or trying to atleast.

In the meanwhile, my website is currently down for a bit. (www.rokkam.com). So.. as a result, the tagboard and the music server are down. Hopefully, it will be up soon.

I spent a week in Chicago before getting here. Good Food... relatives..... relaxation. I began to wonder how I ever survived on only 5 hours of sleep at Purdue. I have been sleeping by 11pm and waking up only after 8-9 hours. By chance, I was on the same flight to Chicago as my mom and grandmom (as I bought my ticket separately..with no knowledge of their plans). So.. we went to O'hare on the 24th for the flight at 5pm. They said the flight was delayed till 8:30pm. So.. we go out, get back by 6:30.. and wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, we board at 10:30 ... some technical problems. The emergency lights were messed up. At 11pm, they offload us saying the flight has been cancelled and that we would be put on the first flight the next day morning (at 8am) (other flights to SF at 6:15pm and 7:50pm had already left). They gave us coupons for a local hotel and ask us to report back by 5:30am. All this while, my mom and grandmom were waiting. Poor old ppl... had to walk through the terminal... out into the cold, catch the bus, and go to the hotel. Next day..we get back.... and head to the gate again.... looong walk. At the gate... there is a huge line. My uncle got my grandma a first class ticket.. and so she was able to get a seat. But darned United Airlines had just changed aeroplane and replaced a 767 with a 747. However.. that 747 was just not enough..... and 36 ppl...including my mom and I... were left behind. we got some compensation... and then headed back home. Finally, we got first class seats on the 26th at 8am.... and got here safe and sound.

Am now..kinda sulking with my friends. I was so energetic....trying to motivate ppl to do things.. and all I get is ppl not even accomodating a single wish of mine. I mean...I try to accomodate them... and I just feel as if noone appreciates it. So...I decided to just live life normally...not give a damn.. and have fun my own way.

Anywayz..gotta go now. Take care and have a Greatt time. I'll be back:)

Graduation!!!!! We have done it!!!! I look distracted... but this was one of the better pics;)

The gang.. (standing)Neetika, Raghu, Clive, Jinesh, Konstantin, Borna, Borna's friend, Zhang (sitting) Vishnu Jaju, Jason Lim and Mohan

Mohan , Sathakka, amma, akka, Anje and Siri

More of ze gang.... (I am feeling sad)

Now I am beginning to get reallly scenti.....

gah .. network error

Daily Update

Ok....today....well yesterday...actually day before...I thought I should go see this new film Swades. So..I asked a friend..and she said I shld get more ppl to go along. Which was my plan anywayz...to get more ppl to come if she came along. Coz....somehow..a part of me wanted to spend time wth her. Well.. anywayz.....so..I got together some friends... and...today..I mean yesterday....(Friday)... went around setting things up....but in the end...she was too tired. Oh Well:). What could I say. Anywayz...went to Indy with my friends ...determined not to be a damp squid. I think I went overboard on that...becoming hyperactive. In any case... went to an awesome Indian restaurant...and then....onto the movie. We ended up getting first row seats.....at an IMAX theatre. Huge screen + first row = not knowing which part of the screen to concentrate on. Hehehe. I think some of my friends got headaches. It was one LOOOOOOOOOOONG movie. A musical like all Indian movies, it ended up going from 9:50pm to 1:40am (with a 20-30 min intermission in between). But I liked the film. Only thing..that kept bugging me was that I may have been able to spend some time with her. Doubtful....but it's my damn heart. Practicality...vs Mohan's heart. Well... Then...we got out at 2AM...and decided to head to the Steak and Shake at the Indianapolis downtown...that I had been to earlier. So....we went there and ate dessert. 3...3:30ish..we are heading back...when I decide I need a drink to keep me awake. Some gatorade....or water. So...I take an exit....looking for a gas station. and I get lost. Anywayz.....after a bit of looping around...and driving parallel to the highway...we find a gas station.

At this time..another friend calls me and asks me when I'll get back...and if I could pick up a friend from her dorm. my roommate..and this close friend of mine..had been out drinking along with her and other friends...celebrating graduation. one of the guys, rarely drinks as such...and this time..he hadnt even eaten properly before heading out. So... the drinks got to him pretty badly. He had reached my friends dorm..that was close to the bars...and was throwing up....and as such..was in no state to walk home. Since I was around 30-40 mins away...I drove down quickly. The poor guy had been throwing up every few mins. Anyway...after making sure he was better...I drove home....and here I am blogging. Now..my other roommate and neighbour just woke up..getting ready for an exam. One told me he was hungry. So...I'll drive down to the McDonald's with them.

Also got to pack up..and write some SOP stuff for applications...and...and.....and...waah......soo much work.
Oh well.
God be with me this next 2 days:)

Take care ppl and have a Greattt time

I am DONE

I am done. 3 simple words that mean so much. I have written the last examination of my undergraduate career. Now... applications... and sleep beckon me into their waiting arms. I need their solace...to drive away the melancholy of change...to drive away that gloom that pervades my inner being at the thought of saying goodbye to my home for the last three and a half years... and that depression associated with parting from your close friends...maybe forever.

Goodbye for a while people as I cheer myself up.. and prepare myself to face the world stronger....and better.. and with a degree in Engineering in my hands.

Randomm site of the day

Random site of the day

Random site of the day... www.red.com
it's soo random.. that it is a 1 page site.
I like the picture though:)

I'm back

Just got back from Chicago....
Met my sis... and mom... and relatives galore:-D

And I am happy too.
And I got this song in my mind...
It just seems soo appropriate;)

Artist: Smash Mouth Lyrics
Song: I'm a Believer Lyrics

I thought love was Only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else But not for me
Love was out to get to me
That's the way it seems
Disappointment haunted All my dreams

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her If I tried

I thought love was More or less a given thing
The more I gave the less I got, oh yeah
What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine, I got rain

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her If I tried

What's the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine, I got rain

And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her
If I tried

Then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
Now I'm a believer
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm a believer
Then I saw her face
I'm a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm a believer

Anywayz...I graduate in 1 week. Exactly. On 19th December, I graduate with a degree in BSEE from Purdue. 3.5 years down the road. It has been a long road... but it seems like just yesterday that I landed in this strange country. The first thing that came to my mind at that time .. was the smell. I smelt cakes and pastries. Now... 3.5 years later...I dont smell that anymore... but life has changed so much. I have changed so much. It amazes me. I have met so many wonderful ppl!!! And had such fun experiences.

Anywayz... my mom. sis, Uncle, cousin and their kids are all coming down for my graduation. Maybe some more too. After that, I stay in Chicago for a few days and then head to San Francisco to spend 10 days with my high school friends. And then... stay with my uncle and spend time with my mom and grandma. After that.... back to Chicago..to look for an internship.. and look forward to graduate school. Maybe a trip to India... but dont know as yet. Lets see how life goes...:):):).

Mother of mine....

You gave to me all of my life to do as I please.
I owe everything I have to you.
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

Mother of mine when I was young
You showed me the right way things should be done.
Without your love, where would I be?
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

Mother, you gave me happiness much more than words can say.
I pray the Lord that He may bless you every night and every day.

Mother of mine Now I am grown.
And I can walk straight all on my own.
I'd like to give you what you gave to me.
Mother, sweet mother of mine.

My mom is in Chicago. She came here for my graduation. :). So..I am going there this weekend. My sister will also be there:). And... I am thrilled:-D.

The thing that scares me is that someday...I will be mean to my parents and make them very sad. I mean.. they have made me what I am. And I am a happy man. So... I just hope that it never comes to a situation where my parents are pitted firmly against my personal wishes. And I am almost sure it will never come to that. My parents have always known what is in my mind. I have a feeling that they trust me in my decisions... as I trust theirs...and till date, I have always managed to resolve differences by talking them out. My dad is still a bit harder to talk to as he only hears what he wants to hear. But my mom is so very open to discussion.

it is times like this that I realize how boundless the human heart is when it comes to love. :)

so true...so true...

I’ve got you under my skin
I’ve got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me
I’ve got you under my skin

I’ve tried so not to give in
I’ve said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That I’ve got you under my skin

I’d sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin

-Frank Sinatra


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totally unrelated update:
ok....

so... since I decided that it was prolly just a prank email sent by a friend, I decided to go ahead and ask him. And yeah...it was the guy I thought it was.... playing a prank on me. Something that got a bit too serious.....

but taught me a lot:)
:-)

Now I am TRULY depressed

Seriously... what kind of person would actually copy paste an insult???? Looks like that's what happened here. The person sending me the hate mail actually got it off the internet!!! And to think I almost thought I was special for the person to have looked up all those words and worked hard to send me that mail. :(. As I said...now...I am TRULY depressed;).

now... I just have 2 finals.. both in relatively easy classes. So... just need to work on finishing up my applications. Hope that goes off well:)..:)

Hate mail update

Today...I think I know who sent me the hate mail. The PC that the mail was sent from was being used by a person that I thought was a good friend. Now...I am sad... coz this was something I never expected. Oh well.... guess life still has it's lessons to teach me. I know I should go and ask that person about it... but I'd rather not. Coz.. it just isnt worth it.

*sigh*

random saying

www.raaga.com was an Indian music channel.. where a LOT of ppl would stream the latest Indian music from. However... now... that channel has been taken over by some cybersquatters. Anywayz... I just clicked on an old link to the site... which should open up a "404 Page Not Found" error page. However.. the 404 page on this site.. had an ad for the hosting site... and this little tooltip popup popped up with the following in it.. I just thought it funny / interesting...:)

"Have you practice a litle love today? To your loved ones perhaps? Your parrents, your spouse, your children, your neighbours, or even your enemy? Here is a short tip on how to love them - Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. So these three remain ... faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these is love."

Another thing I forgot to mention was the reason for using bats in my old post. Our cart uses Ultrasonic (High frequency sound that bats use to navigate) to navigate. So... when our cart refused to work, we decided to use 3 bats to power our little cart. So... thats the reason for saying bats.

it's 5:20 am and I am again in lab.... and I have a homework in my c++/java class that is due at 1:30... and I dont know if I can finish it. Also have to prepare for this presentation. Well.. there is a god.... so... I have hope.

Shopping carts and bats

Well... the last 2 days have been pretty hectic. We have our senior year final design project due on wednesday. So... we have been working on it all this time..as things begin to fail in the last minute...and we begin to get desperate. Anywayz... our project is a shopping cart that will follow a person wearing a beacon. As of 4am today, it did follow the beacon...though not perfectly. We do not hope to be able to make it perfect...but maybe beautify it a bit:-D.

Since Sunday, I have literally lived in lab. coming home at 6-7 am. Waking up... and heading to lab. I didnt have a shower yesterday, the first time all semester!!!! I felt sooo weird. Anywayz... I just got home at 6am...and decided to shower as I wouldnt get another opportunity till much later (As I have to be at work at 9am. so...now for 2 hrs of sleep...or nap...or watever. 2 more days...and my semester will be more or less done. Still have some work.. (and 2 finals) but it wont be that bad I hope.

Thanks ppl. Dont worry abt the hate mail. I really dont care much abt it. As I said...I actually found it pretty funny actually. (I did find out that gombeen means usury (that is involved with lending money at a high rate of interest) and it really isnt a noun. So...that was pretty funny too!!)

Well...the best way to be worry free is to keep doing something..so I am..and so I will be. Take care and have a Greatt time ppl.

hate mail?

WARNING... CONTAINS CUSS WORDS AND OFFENSIVE MATERIAL

Yesterday...I got a piece of Hate mail. Someone had visited my website (I know that that person is at Purdue)... and sent me an email from my website. More than anything else, the mail made me laugh. It was pretty well written too... with a lot of big words:|. It is reproduced below...for all those who may be interested in it:

"
Hello Mohan Rokkam,

You've received a new feedback from Mr/Ms Admirer.

The following data was submitted:

First name : Secret
Last name : Admirer
E-mail : secretAdmirer@nonexistentserver.com
Comments :

You're stretching credibility beyond it's breaking point by referring to yourself as a man, you pitiful pimple-popping putrid pile of prepubescent puke! You couldn't get a date if you bought them dried in a tin, you under-medicated, rump-ruptured chronic self-abuser. You're the kind of greasy, giggling, girly gombeen who buys STDs from a viral lab just to make it look like you get laid. Who the hell told you that you are attractive? Mr. Magoo? You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a politically vacillating phony liberal fuck; too damn broadminded to take your own side in a debate. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. Like your height, everything about you is average; except your stench - which is overwhelming. Your weight may well be proportional, but you've got cellulite that makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic. You couldn't get a job cleaning shit off a toilet, you utterly useless wrinkled balloon in a muddy puddle of goat's piss. That's a sexy outfit you're wearing. Who shot the couch? I'm not really good with fools, but a friend who is wrote something down for me; Oh, yeah, "Fuck off." May you live a long life and be the butt of many jokes to come."

I need some time off

Just feeling a bit low. Spoke with a friend from India (it's his birthday)... and my sister... and somehow... despite all the ppl who have been talking to me... been so nice to me.. suddenly..I feel all alone. I think I need some time to myself. I will go hit that book I got (Crime and Punishment).. stay away from it all for a while....

I so feel like going for a loooong drive now. I saw the sunset today... it was beautiful....I took a few pics from my window.. but the glass in between kinda messed it up. That and ambient light...

Awrighty ppl. Take care... and enjoy:)

Mohan.

Dont you dare close your eyes.....

at the risk of copying this song from a friend's blog...I'll go ahead and mention it...
a song from Aladdin...(I saw this movie just now)

A Whole new world.... Lyrics

My favourite part is when the carpet is hurtling towards the river.. and Aladdin says: "Dont you dare close your eyes..."
I spoke with the girl....spoke out my feelings...(I do tell you...the fear of sounding foolish almost stopped me). But I managed to speak..... and the answer was not something I totally agreed with. But that's life...
At the risk of sounding like a stalker...I somehow feel that I still love her...and more than ever. Do you think that I have love enough for the both of us?

More songs added...and some removed. The one by whigfield...brings back memory of school.. where some girls danced to this song... and somehow..the song got burnt into my memory. This one..and "Sexy Eyes" (first time I heard that song..I didnt believe my ears...someone actually using the word Sexy in school!!!Scandalous)

I am not much of a band or genre person....but I like the following bands / ppl's music best:
Robert Miles
The Corrs
Robbie Williams
you shld try listening to them:)

Confused

Just was reading my horoscopes (I am a leo cancer cusp...so I read both)..... (I read them for the fun of it). Each horoscope I read is sooo mixed. One says "a risk backfires big time...." but also says "Think about hanging up some mistletoe tonight"(cancer). Leo..says... "The lion may road today and expect others to respond, but clearly someone is not impressed" but then continues to say... "A partner, friend or loved one invites you out. He or she wants to indulge you.".
Another horoscope I read (cancer) states.. "Your mind is playing tricks on you. It can't be trusted. Go with your heart."

Ultimately...of course...I am gonna go with my decision. :). Just thought it interesting as to how we see what we want to see .. or what we fear.. in horoscopes. And suddenly.. that general purpose paragraph...is aimed right at you...

so..I am confused... oh well..:D

As personal as it gets

I remember... when I started this blog... it was mostly a log of my life. Nothing important. Then... there was a time.. when I used my blog.. as a healer. To write out my innermost thoughts ... so that I would feel better. For the past few weeks, however, I suddenly did not want to write out my thoughts. After all... some of them did not involve me... and I didnt want to write something that I would regret. Today... I realized that I had been unfaithful to my blog. I had vowed to be open...to never have anything to hide... and I was hiding things. So... today...I will write it out in my blog... maybe .. the pain will go away.

I believe I am in love. I have liked this girl since I have known her...(over a year). I have suppressed the feeling.. because...
a) My parents dont approve of love marriages... and I dont like to cause them pain
b)I dont know if the girl would ever like me.
c)She has always only treated me as a friend...

So.. I push this thought to the back of my mind.. and continue with my work. After all, as my dad always tells me.. "your duty is to study. Dont think of anything else". I wonder if he ever followed that... but I do try. Every once in a while.. this thought comes up front.

I go gaga over her everytime... do stupid things around her...and I bet that she thinks I must be nuts. But... thats the way of a lovefool right?
Now.... as I come closer to graduation.... (2.5 weeks away).. I wonder...should I tell her? But I graduate and leave... is it right to trouble her now? what if I come back to Purdue for my masters??

More importantly... how much in love am I? I know I like her a lot. I cannot explain it...in words. I think I may even bug her very often.. but thats only because I like to talk to her. I think that annoys her... but I just cannot control myself.

There is this whole concept... of ignoring the person you like. because.. when you pursue someone.. they tend to not like you as much. It is psychological. When someone pursues us, we naturally think that we are better than them... And yet... I "pursue" this girl. Try to chat with her... talk to her all the time. I dont know why...I really dont.

I think I will tell the girl I love her. And let the world take whatever course it wants to. I think I will be prepared for rejection. And I should also be prepared for questions from my parents and relatives.. who read this blog from time to time. But... love is something that one cannot stop. It's natural..isnt it? So.. how can they even question me? but they will. And now...I think I am prepared.

I can picture my dad telling me at this stage "You should not think of such things now. It is not the age for it. Dont let anything distract you from your studies". To him, my education is more important than anything else in my life. It was like that for me too. My education was more important than living life. It "was". The last few years have changed me. It is not that education is not important any more. It is just that there are other things that I need to learn in life that are equally important...if not more. People skills.... some dress sense...some knowledge in arts... some knowledge outside the world of books and computers and circuits. I think I have been able to make a good start in learning those... and I fully intend to go all the way:)

somehow.. my heart still feels heavy after writing this blog. I know it can and probably will hurt some people. I have spoken badly about my dad. But he loves me.. and only wishes the best for me. It's just that I dont always agree with him:).

on the 19th of December, I hope to obtain my degree in Electrical Engineering... and that day..will ..most probably.. be my last at Purdue. I have made many good friends here... and many many acquaintances. I wonder if I will ever see them again. so.. the heart is a bit heavy because of that too. But ... there is a "Whole new world" out there.. as Aladdin told princess Jasmine... and let me see where my 'magic carpet' takes me...