Today...I think I know who sent me the hate mail. The PC that the mail was sent from was being used by a person that I thought was a good friend. Now...I am sad... coz this was something I never expected. Oh well.... guess life still has it's lessons to teach me. I know I should go and ask that person about it... but I'd rather not. Coz.. it just isnt worth it.
*sigh*
8 comments:
stuff like this makes me really really mad. I really admire your controlled response to this, but I don't think I could do the same. I think you should go talk to that person. You have to fight evil with good, otherwise evil will prevail. Okay, I sound like George Bush here.. but I'm kinda serious..
- Vanishing
but what is evil and what is good? What is the use of trying to find an answer when I know that that's how the person thinks about me?
I hate to cause anyone to change themselves because of me....so...if thats how this person feels, I would rather just move away and give them some space than impose myself on them.
:)
we have different philosophies on the matter, and who am I to change yours? ;) Why should we ever talk about anything, then, except what the weather's like and other things that don't matter?
some things DO matter. enough that you try to do something about them. There is good and bad in this world, and not recognizing that is evasion of the question.
Nothing is purely good nor purely evil, but a mix of both - and every action comes with a different ratio. What that person did was mostly wrong, with a glimmer of good. You should respond constructively to both, but no response at all is simply passive.
I think Indian culture is the most beautiful in the world, but I also think that this particular philosophy of not being able to make a value judgement is frustrating and perhaps bad for it. I almost prefer the clear-cut nature of Western religions and thought. Interesting, isn't it, how I managed to abstract away your personal situation into a global issue? Welcome to my crazy thoughts..
V
Hmmm V,
you do have some valid points there. But see, my issue is .. issues that I know something about, I can argue.. things that I have a position on...I can argue my case. But when it comes to myself... my view of myself will be skewed because I am myself. So naturally, I am allowed to deduce that what someone says about me is liable to be true. Especially as most friends do not point out my mistakes. So, I try to learn from what someone says about me... So.. if someone dislikes me for some reason, my first response is not to find fault with them... but with myself for causing them to dislike me. So.. by moving away from them and analyzing my behaviour with them.. and their general behavious, I can try to make myself better.
That does not mean Indian culture cannot make value based judgements. It just means some Indians cannot. For me, my values are important. I do make value judgements... but I am willing to change my values if my values are not as good as someone else's.
I personally think that my response is not openly active... but not passive either.
If not my above response, what would you suggest I do? Go and corner the dude and ask him why he did it? most probably, I will get a response saying "For Fun".
Now that I know that the person did not come up with the hate mail.. but just copy pasted it, I dont really care anything about it. It no longer has any personal significance nor does it reflect on my behaviour. So.. I really dont care who sent it or why anymore. Granted , it was a mean thing to do.. but hey... the world is not perfect and I cannot expect ppl to always be nice to me:).
I should say that my earlier response was pretty vague. My mistake. I think I was just trying to sound deep without analyzing myself;).In a sense.
What I meant was, the mail would not be evil if it served the purpose of teaching me my faults. It's just one's perspective that changes right? So.. what you think of as evil, I would be thankful for.
I dont like changing someone's attitude about me by telling them I am not like that. I would rather they know me through my actions. Thats why I said I hate ppl to change because of me. For example, I sometimes get the feeling that ppl go offline as soon as I come online. This makes me feel that I am a pain and cause them to do that cause they are annoyed by me. So, I try to not message them....so they can stay online without fearing that I would message them.I may be paranoid... but I may actually be making someone's day. So.. basically, I hate causing ppl annoyance.
Maybe that has explained things better.
:)
Mohan.
"Nothing is purely good nor purely evil, but a mix of both" - is that Demian's influence on V that I am picking up on here? =] Well, maybe I'm stretching that too far, as that is not exactly what is implied in the book - rather that one cannot live happily purely on one extreme. Anyway, enough on that tangent, that's a pretty common belief. I believe so, too.
I kind of have a mix of both of your arguments. I think there are times for passiveness and times of assertiveness. I don't believe one should waste energy on simple things that carry no meaning behind them... for example, that Email... It was so obviously artificial and immature. There was not one piece of intelligent criticism in the entire thing, and it could have been summed up as "Your stupid!! Stupid stupid STUPID!! *stomps foot*". My take? Someone's jealous of you. Like I said, you probably stole someone's girlfriend's heart or something. ;)
However... I understand that different people take certain things differently, or perhaps there is more to the story... or, maybe you do know the person who sent it, and that's what affected you. So, you posted it on your journal, and have since written two follow up posts about it. You want people to judge you by your actions, right? So, based on your actions and despite what you have said, it clearly bothers you - or at least it did. In cases like this, then yes, you should assert yourself, because it DOES affect you. If it really didn't bother you, then I would agree with your passive attitude, but based on your reaction I don't believe you when you say it doesn't. It doesn't make any sense to me to see your reaction and then hear you say "it doesn't matter, it isn't worth it" or something like that. I DO think that is passive in the derogatory manner.
Also, I sort of understand where you are coming from with wanting to know what you did to make that person dislike you... but you can't satisfy everyone. You are just letting others shape your personality... conforming to whatever group you want to be in. I don't really agree with your theory that all people conform to some group - I used to believe that, but I don't feel that way anymore. I think some people don't have a need to 'belong', but we can talk about all of that later if you like. Anyway, my point is that you obviously cannot satisfy everybody, and by trying you are only putting up a phony front to get people to like you. Can you put up the show forever? What about YOUR beliefs? What is that person doing to make YOU like THEM? You see, when I hear people say things like that, I start to think.. "Is he just putting on a show for me? Is he really himself with me?" Somehow, I trust that YOU don't... but that is a privilege I extend to few people - the benefit of the doubt. Just do the things that you enjoy doing... be the person that you enjoy being, and you will find friends that like you for who you are. (for the most part =] ... nobody will find you perfect, but there is more to being happy - like confiding in yourself)
Maybe I am full of contradictions... I've made mistakes before and I don't claim to be anything more than human, and my views do change as I age ... I think that is just a natural occurrence when one maintains an open mind.
Toti
I can only answer one of all those things u said above...and that is trying to please the most number of ppl.
My opinion is...
if someone finds fault with me, it is possible that I have something that I can change... that maybe others also find annoying...but are too nice to say anything. So..I dont blindly change...I analyze my behaviour.. and try to change accordingly.:)
...and what I'm saying, which may not be so clear, is that you shouldn't consider everyone's opinions with and equal amount of seriousness. Is there a difference between my opinion and some guy you just met? I would think mine would be more meaningful to you, since I have actually taken the time to get to know you. What are you going to do if I tell you that something I like about you is the exact thing that the other guy hates? For whom are you going to change yourself?
Just some food for thought.
Toti
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