Explaining myself

People say that one does not need to explain oneself. But I have often felt this urge to explain myself. Atleast some parts of me.
Power Corrupts
Some of the most profound lessons I have learnt are from my servant maid's son. This dude was my play buddy when I was in my lower grades since I didn't really have many friends in the area. My friends never came over, and I never sought friends outside of school. However, since he was the servant maid's son, I often bossed over him. Or tried to. This led to resentment in the dude... which I can never forget. I called him proud and arrogant, and yet I admired him for his spunk. And we had fun. He probably liked my company too coz I was a rich guy (relatively) playing with him. Over time, I grew up... got busy with my education and other friends. He was around and came to meet me once in a while, but now, the relationship was much more formal. The important thing for me, that I learnt how power corrupts. I would often demand that he do something and I would get mad if he didn't do it. Today, I can look back and laugh at my behaviour. But, at the same time, I see such acts in real life. Many people, powerful people, NATIONS.. all behave in the same way. But forcing someone to do something never works. Just give them what they need and they will do anything for you. In the case of the servants, force didn't work, not really. It took me a while to realize it, but when I did realize it, I understood that what they needed was respect. And I understood that they deserved it. (Of course.. there are limitations on everything, and one has to be careful not to be fooled and one has to maintain some amount of reserve to be able to command respect back.. blah blah blah)

Love is a need
You know, before I wrote this next set down, I wondered whether I should write it down like this. This scientific kind of analysis of love is not really nice. It removes the magic and the fireworks that surround love. But it's the only way I can explain my behaviour. So, here it is...
Yes I am in love. But love is also a need. Just like friendship. I need company, I need a soulmate. Hence, the need for love is especially high now. I have time on my hands, and little company. Hence love will be higher in my mind than normal. But, thats not why I am in love. I am in love because I find something in her that I really like. I have time on my hands, so I tried to analyze what I liked about her. Some things are apparent. some aren't.
So, the facts are
1) I like her very much
2) I know some of the things that make me like her

now, I also know that she may or may not like me. I cannot force her to do something. All I can do is love her. But I also believe in not destroying myself. So, I am also always looking for those characteristics that I like in a person.
See, in a perfect world (for me), things would be just that... perfect. But this world is not perfect. So, what can I expect from it? Nothing .. right? So, I love her... and I leave it at that. If I ever find someone else, so be it.. I will still love her, simply because of what she is.

Some people think that I am becoming depressed. News comes back to me that people say "He was a good guy. What is happening to him now?". It's interesting to me. I know I go through kind of mood swings. there are times when I get a bit down. But in the long run, I am happy:). That's my goal in life right? ;)

Ok. My nieces are around and I don't think I can write much more...gotta play with them. maybe next time:)