to blog or not.......

I feel disillusioned. I want to blog... but I am tired of doing the same old things. I repeat myself way too often...

So

this blog...is probably best explored by checking out my fav posts through the drop down list to the left. I don't think I can better those.
If I do feel inspired someday, I'll put them up too:)

:)

-Mohan.

Skirts

well... I never did get around to completing those posts that I was tagged for...one by Lisa.. another by Vidhur... sorry girls...I guess I don't like tags.

Now, I stopped blogging as I was sick and tired of my dad telling me that I was wasting time blogging. But today, I find myself in the enviable position of being incommunicado with my dad (if that's the right word for it). I simply find this a better way of loving him. Better to smile and stay silent than open your mouth and make things worse. True for so many things.

Well..I was just watching a movie. You've got Mail. Yep. This is such a lovely movie. It's got Meg Ryan in one of those sweet cute roles and she wears such wonderful outfits. I love her in those long skirts... that so seem to be out of fashion nowadays. I loove those long skirts. It's a pity that so few women seem to wear them around here. And then...Tom Hanks has Brinkley... that adorable Golden Retriever. The scene where Tom Hanks is pacing back and forth trying to decide if he should email Meg Ryan after she insults him in the cafe.....I love the dog following him around. You can hear the clicking of his feet on the wooden floor... makes me want to get a dog:(.

update:
I'm back at college for grad school now.

I loved you for a while

and now I'm moving on.

I don't think I will be posting here any more. I might ...just jot a couple of things once in a while... but not regularly...or even close to regularly.

though feel free to email me

m rokkam ate gmail doit com

(figure that out;) )

later folks
-Mohan.

of tomatoes and more

Okays....

if u have noticed..I have this wonderful background colour for my blog now. Can u believe it.. it's called 'tomato'!!! Yayy for tomatoes. Speaking of which, I experimented with my cooking skills on my poor unsuspecting dad. I made tomato dal (a kind of tomato-lentil ....errm... for lack of a better word... soup.) and fried potatoes. yeah baby... it came out decently good!!!

and this despite not sleeping all night.
which I have managed to do yet again... 2nd night in a row.
so.. landed here... slept for 12 hrs... up all night... nap for 4 hrs... up all night. My dad is kinda upset :-p
mwuahahahahahahahahaha

blogging away without passion

Ahh... to be passionate about something. I really sincerely doubt that I am passionate about something. I mean, I do things because I have to, or because I want to..or even because I need to. But I don't recollect doing something because I am passionate about it. Isn't that weird? Or is it sad?

Today, I was reading this article by Kumaramangalam Birla (The head of the Aditya Birla group, one of the larger business houses in India). It is an article on smart managing.. and he talks of two different kind of people in a company. The 70% that go through life following rules, meeting deadlines, and basically drudging through work without worrying. Then there is the other 30% that break the rules and are high flying. Am I in that boring 70%, so essential to a firm, but...oh so boring? I feel a certain lack of passion that makes me feel that it is so. Or is it just a temporary lack of interest that makes me feel no passion. I mean, I do my bit. I just don't feel the need to go above and beyond my normal life to do something just because I am passionate about it.

And then, there is my inherent fear of commitment. No folks, not when it comes to women.. I fear committing my time. I don't join clubs because I am afraid that sometime in the future, I will feel the need to do something else and the club will keep me away from it. I am talking about semester long commitments here. A day, or even a week, I can do things just fine. What is this fear?

random link as my mind deviates: Autoblogger (originally linked from Lisa's blog.

I finished "The Three Musketeers" today. It's a wonderful story of love, intrigue, passion, revenge and hatred that I have really enjoyed. It would probably come under the category of "bestseller" if written today (something that my dear friend Vanishing often says is just not worth reading). The book also had an interested foreward and a rough idea of the life of Alexander Dumas (the author), his methodology of writing this book, and a little bit of history too about 17th centure France in which period of time, the book is based. The reprint also points out some parts where Dumas referred to objects that only came into existence in the 18th or 19th centuries. This brings me to the movie Veer Zara, a long winded Hindi movie that is partially set in the 60's or 70's. I noticed that there were objects in the movie that were not in existence at that time. I mean, one simply did not have Deluxe Volvo buses in India in the 1960's or 70's. There were plenty of other such instances which kinda made the movie seem unrealistic. And then I remembered how directors had spent millions to recreate scenarios realistically. Maybe one calls it art...or passion... and others call it foolishness.

My heart throbs ever so often... in pain and in fear... but it shall hold out for life is something that is to be faced with a song on one's lips and a smile on one's face. Let my song be Dido's White Flag.

It's 6am and I promised my dad I would cook something for lunch. Maybe it will be good for me to cook it now.. and then go to sleep. For I can wake up and warm it up for him. After all I need to serve him, my father, my hero, my teacher and my enemy.
So, I leave you with this rhyme. I often hum this tune, without thought, when I am deeply engrossed...
"Row, row, row your boat,
Gently down the stream.
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dream."

Abu Dhabi Ahoy

awrighty folks!! It's paartee time.
yep.. 33 hours after I left my aunt's place in Chicago, here I am in the city of Abu Dhabi.. safe and sound.. and EVEN ONLINE!!! yayy for that. Not that it has been completely uneventful


first of all, when I went to the airport to return the car, I realized that the firm that I had rented the car from (enterprise) wasn't available at the standard airport location. Not knowing the location, I parked at a reasonable spot and called the 1-800 number to be given the local branch's number (This being Memorial day, not many people were up and working in the US :-S). But darn it.. calling the branch only sent me to this voice mail that said the branch was closed. DARN IT. My flight was in 2.5 hours!!! (I had started a bit early.. giving me plenty of time...) I called up enterprise 2-3 times. I guess that there were like 3 people working all the phone lines. One time, I got hung up on.. another time, I was told to just find the place as it was shown as 'open'. So, I parked the car at a hotel parking lot on the way and asked a cabbie. This guy, a sweet eastern european guy (I guess...from his accent), told me the way. So, off I went.. and his directions being so good, I managed to find it pretty quickly. The shuttle driver that dropped me off was also very nice. He actually refused a tip from some people (Now now now...I am still a college student!!! don't expect me to give tips like that!!) And he helped ppl with their luggage. All in all, a good experience.

now... came the fun part. Travel!!! Checking in took no time... the first flight went by pretty quickly too. This high school girl sat next to me.. she wasn't much of a talker...but she did chat a bit just before we landed. maybe she was scared of my moustache.
ooh... then came a 7 hour layover in Cincinnati. 7 hours!!! for a while, I sat in an empty corner of the terminal. I mean.. there was almost NOONE there... as there were no flights there for a few hours. All this time, I has some good company in Dumas' "The Three Musketeers". Then.. an 8 hr flight to London Gatwick. This was kinda painful..I did think that Delta had better aircraft but this one was slightly cramped. The guy next to me was this tallish Oriental guy who looked even more uncomfortable than me. A quick halt in London Gatwick where I decided to walk rather than use the moving sidewalks. It was a long walk but good exercise between sitting still for ages. Emirates was a nice flight from London to Dubai. The flight got a bit delayed.... but not by too much. I was bout 300 pages into the Three Musketeers now (out of around 700). And to top it off, sitting next to me was this really charming old British couple.. coming to Dubai to visit their son. Very friendly, jocular and helpful. It was nice. And really sweet to see them. The gentleman was telling me as to how emirates was one of the best airlines he had flown in, and considering his age and the places he mentioned that he travelled to, I am sure that he was well qualified to make that statement. And I agreed. There was plenty of leg space, even more than I remembered from earlier. I watched "In Good Company" for a while and then was sleeping on and off.. and eating food..and reading...and before too long, was in Abu Dhabi. was out of the airport in around half an hour!!! That WAS quick. Drove down to Abu Dhabi.. and here I am.

I love flying for one main reason. The views can be spectacular. I got a window seat on my flight from London to Dubai and it was so beeyootIful. We flew over green cities... quaint towns with plenty of houses... seas and rivers....small undulating hills...sand dunes stretching for miles... seas bordered by yellow strips of coastlines... rivers. Then there are the majestic clouds. But my best memory is that of another aeroplace.. zooming through the sky.. flying towards us. The speed is just so incredible. You can see the stream of water vapor that they leave behind them... and you get a good idea of the speed of aircraft from that angle. Oh My. Thank goodness that the aeroplane was flying at a different altitude. It was Lovely.

now, I better go freshen up...

moments... that's what life is made up of... moments and experiences

moments... that's what life is made up of... moments and experiences

well..today had it's share of moments .. and experiences. I spent some quality time with the tv. And then came a distant cousin...so out to dinner. Then on to meeting another friend. By the time I got home, it was pretty late. Well, anyways.. the moments were all in the meetings. The experience came later. I got home.. put the car in "park", started taking out the books that were in it (a road atlas and a book I bought for the journey... "The Three Musketeers". And I lock the car.. step out.. and close the door..realizing a few seconds later that the car was still running and that I was locked out. Luckily, I had the garage door opener out too..so I come in, call up enterprise (where I had rented the car from).. and they sent a guy over...to unlock it free of charge!! (or maybe it was free as I had taken out the insurance....something like that). Anyways.. it was really nice. And it was an experience. I now know how it's done. But the scary part was how easy it was to unlock the car. Just a wedge, and a little lever... and voila.. the car's open!!!(under 30 seconds....!!!)

and I leave tomm morning. Yay!!

I am a DOG

Yeah... I am a dog..or atleast I must have the tracking abilities of a dog. I mean..how else can u explain this. I wanted to eat Burger king for dinner (yummmmy onion rings). I was in Lisle and I had no clue where the nearest Burger king was. So...I head out... along a main road.. and take a random turn onto another main road.. (after crossing a few main roads in between).. and woah....I see a Burger King by the side. I am like... wooooow...groooovy. I mean.. I didn't even make one complete circle...
So..I went in and got the onion rings (Ohhh THEY ROCK!! especially with the zesty sauce). Then... bought some stuff to take back home, came back, packed.. and here I am online,... relating my experiences.

I am also such a fool. I drove down to Purdue.. expecting someone to be there. I call ppl once i reach the place... and noone answers..so..I hang around for an hour. Really get bored.. and head back before it gets too late and I am too tired to drive back. On the way...ppl call saying..OOoh..sorry...:-|. Oh well... am back in Chicago now. Did manage to get stuff done. and am now dead tired
must sleep early.. must not die.. must sleep early.
Awrighty ppl...gooniite

Travelling and trekking

I am heading out on Monday for India..my homeland.. and the land of my dreams.

I want to go trekking...travelling... seeing things.. smell the sweet stink of home sweet home.. and enjoyying myself with family, friends and others..

Well.. just wanted to post a quick post but my mind is too blank. As usual, I packed at the last minute (though I kept everything ready....beforehand). Now.. just a little more work.. and I can head back.

count up...count down...count up...count down....count sheep...count lizards...count bleh... enough. Babyeee. Gotta sleep early and be up earlyyy

more random posts

from Twisted View, I got a hold of this random book quiz..
yeah... it's random and tells me what book I am

You're Love in the Time of Cholera!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by
sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give
consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the
one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions
barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff
could get you killed.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Embarrassed?

Yeah... today was kinda embarrassing. I went with my nieces to this place where they were dancing. It was supposed to some Indian people's event.. and I was thinking it was like one of the other one's where my nieces had danced at. Plenty of Indians... dressed casual-semi-formal.. And since it's been a while since I had done my laundry...I was in a round-neck T shirt and jeans. Yeah. T-shirt and Jeans. And guess what I saw the moment I entered there. It was a "special" thingie.. with tickets (donation?) at around 35 bucks and most people wearing suits and all. And the secretary of state was the chief guest (A Mr. Jesse White:-S~). Ahh.. felt so overdressed;). Yeah. Oh well.. I very well could not go back and change. I should thank the family-friend for going out of his way to make me feel comfy. Yeah.....

but my nieces danced well and it was fun. They got so hyper that they continued dancing on the floor all through the food. Speaking of which.. the food was goooooood. And after a potluck lunch... Oh man..I'm growing a fattt!!! :-S. Gotta controlll ..keep those oreos away from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Mo Solo (The lonely goatherd)

Ok..

My last few posts have been pretty dry

but some stuff has been going on in my life ... so..first.. the updates

I managed to get admitted to Purdue's grad school for a masters. Now, I do not have any aid.. but what I do have is an admission. So, I intend to travel to India for my cousin's wedding, travel around a bit, get back and work my a$$ off. So, I leave this month end for India. It's going to be an interesting trip. I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that things go well. The way that things have gone in the past, I don't expect anything to work out smoothly. I will have to adjust and see how things get along. But all said and done, things should get along well.

So, the past few weeks... what have I been doing? I went to Purdue a few times... worked on getting the paperwork done so I can return to Purdue, applied for various TA positions, etc. I am still applying for jobs. What can I say...I have hope... but one never knows:)

Today was an interesting day. I needed to go to across the city to Devon Avenue to sign for, and pick up my tickets. I thought that it would be too much work for my cousin to take me in the middle of the week, the place being a good one hour drive from her home. So, I decided to explore the city by myself. Of course, I knew that a train went pretty close there...so it wasn't really heading out into the blue. So, I took a book (very appropriately, I am currently reading "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer". Aye, it was an adventure that I set out on. Though I initially planned on leaving at 7am when my uncle left for work, I stayed up too late (reading) and also decided that it wasn't worth it to push my way along during rush hour. And since the baby sitter would be around all day (even though the nieces went off to school), I decided to just relax and ask her to drop me off at the local train station.
So, I set off around noon. The first train dropped me off at Downtown Chicago by around 1:30 pm. It was a longish ride (being a slow mid-day train), but I read a bit and mostly dozed off. There were also some good looking women on the train that managed to keep me occupied when I was awake;)

Then, I started for the next train station, around 5 blocks away, at a brisk pace. As I was walking, my stomach rumbled a small complaint and I decided to look out for a good place to eat at. And Voila...I passed by a Jimmy Johns (one of my favourite sandwich places). However, the sandwich that I ordered wasn't how I liked it....bah. Well, onwards ho to the subway train station. I reached there, figured out how to get a ticket, and walked in (with some minor difficulties at the entrance to get in ..) The...ON the subway... wheeeee!!! another half an hour (while the subway went from below ground to being suspended above ground)... and I was almost at the end of my journey. Now to find my way to Devon Avenue. With my book firmly clenched in my hands, I set out...
walkity walkity walk.... hum ho walking I go.....1 block...2 blocks... 10 block...I walked for half an hour... and reached the end of my journey. I entered the room to meet my travel agent... she wasn't exactly how I had pictured her from her voice.. but hey..I'm just a kid right? What do I know?
10 mins later, ticket in hand, wallet empty of a few hundred dollars, I set back...this time I did not waver... nor did I have to ask for directions. My way down, I kept looking at buildings to figure out the building number and figure out how far away I was. (A trick that I learnt in India when I was exploring new places. I would look at store signboards. Most places included the address below the name of the shop... which let me know the name of the locality). But now, I just walked like in a trance. Just thinking random thoughts.. and just wanting to get back in time for my cousin to pick me up....and back on the train...reading..and waiting... walk walk walk back through downtown...(rush hour pedestrian traffic).. back on the train to the suburbs (express train this time).. and by 6pm was back!!!

another day gone by...in a rush...

Hmmm.. enough said for this post

wonder who reads this anymore...you shld leave a comment or something:)

nothing

yeah... see.. nothing going on...so nothing to write..or something like that

will be updating soon enough:D

noses and more

Okies...
I HAD to blog about this. Some people might find it gross.. but oh well. People find many natural things gross:-D

Well.. coming to the point,

today, I was looking at myself in the mirror and noticed this humongous hair in my nostril. And when I say Humongous, I don't mean that it was loong. it was a bit longer than the rest.. but it was FAT and BLACK and ... really really stiff. So, i cut it off and took a closer look at it. Sheesh. it scared me. It was as fat as 2-3 of my normal hairs.. even thicker than my moustache hair. I mean.. it was THICK. Oh well.. now that aberrant hair has been put in it's place.. and my nostril looks a bit .. cleaner.

Well, back to my normal life.. I went to Purdue to see off some friends... and find out stuff about my admission
I drove back Indian style... dropping 2 friends off at the airport with all their luggage (ended up filling one side of the back seat with suitcases.. the trunk was packed.. etc etc etc)
I also managed to catch a cold/cough. So.. my cure... any phlegm.. spit it out first thing. This clears my throat and nose... faster... So I sorta feel better today. And of course, eat well no matter what. As my mom keeps saying.. "Feed a cold and starve a fever

Other than that... just hoping/dreaming of my India trip.

more personality tests

I was sitting here... getting bored.. especially as noone seems to comment on my blog anymore. Anyways.. I was sitting here and I thought.. why not take some personality tests...

here's what it said

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 76% Stability |||||||||||||||||| 80% Orderliness |||||| 30% Empathy |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 70% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||| 16% Religious |||||| 30% Hedonism |||| 16% Materialism |||| 16% Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||| 56% Need to dominate |||||||||||||||| 63% Romantic |||||||||||||| 56% Avoidant |||||||||||||| 56% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||||||||| 50% Dependency |||||||||||| 50% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Food indulgent |||||||||||| 43% Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 70% Paranoia || 10% Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Hypersensitivity || 10% Female cliche |||||||||| 36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test

Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic..

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

------------------

But the most important was this
trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

thought I pretty much answered the questions directly...

lets see...some more tests?

Advanced Big 45 Personality Test Results Gregariousness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82% Sociability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Assertiveness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Poise |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Leadership |||||||||||||||||| 54% Provocativeness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Self-Disclosure |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 86% Talkativeness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Group Attachment ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Extroversion |||||||||||||||||||||||| 72% Understanding |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Warmth ||||||||||||||| 50% Morality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Pleasantness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Empathy |||||||||||||||||| 54% Cooperation |||||||||||||||||| 58% Sympathy |||||||||||||||||| 58% Tenderness ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Nurturance ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Friendliness ||||||||||||||||||||| 64% Conscientiousness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Efficiency |||||||||||||||||| 58% Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Purposefulness ||||||||||||||| 50% Organization ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 54% Rationality |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||| 54% Planning |||||||||||| 38% Orderliness |||||||||||||||||| 58% Stability |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Happiness ||||||||||||||||||||| 70% Calmness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Moderation |||||||||||||||||| 58% Toughness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74% Impulse Control |||||||||||||||||| 54% Imperturbability ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Cool-headedness ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Tranquility ||||||||||||||||||||| 62% Emotional Stability ||||||||||||||||||||| 66% Intellect ||||||||||||||| 42% Ingenuity |||||||||||||||||| 54% Reflection |||||||||||||||||| 54% Competence |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 90% Quickness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Introspection |||||||||||| 38% Creativity |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78% Imagination ||||||||||||||| 50% Depth ||||||||| 30% Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||| 57%

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test

and the key is

Factor		low score	high score
Gregariousness	82%	quiet, reclusive	engaging, socially bold
Sociability	78%	withdrawn, hidden	warm, open, inviting
Assertiveness	70%	timid, gunshy	controlling, aggressive
Poise	74%	uneasy around others	socially comfortable
Leadership	54%	stays in background	prefers to lead
Provocativeness	62%	modest, plays it safe	bold, uninhibited, cocky
Self-Disclosure	86%	private, contained	very open and revealing
Talkativeness	74%	quiet, stealthy, invisible	motor mouth, loud
Group Attachment	70%	loves solitude	prefers to be with others
Understanding	74%	insensitive, schizoid	respectful, sympathetic
Warmth	50%	disinterested in others	supportive, helpful
Morality	78%	break/ignore the rules	play by the rules
Pleasantness	74%	aloof or disagreeable	gets along with others
Empathy	54%	out of tune w/ others	in tune with others
Cooperation	58%	competitive, warlike	agreeable, peaceful
Sympathy	58%	socially inconsiderate	socially conscious
Tenderness	66%	cold hearted, selfish	warm hearted, selfless
Nurturance	70%	self pleasing, me first	people pleasing, me last
Conscientiousness	70%	reckless, unscheduled	careful, planner
Efficiency	58%	unreliable, lazy	finisher, follows through
Dutifulness	58%	leisurely, derelict	strict, rule abiding
Purposefulness	50%	inattentive, undisciplined	prepared, focused
Organization	70%	relaxed, oblivious	detail oriented, anal
Cautiousness	54%	impulsive, spendthrift	restrained, cautious
Rationality	74%	irrational, random	direct, logical
Perfectionism	54%	careless, error prone	detail obsessed
Planning	38%	disorganized, random	scheduled, clean
Stability	78%	easily frustrated	calm, cool, unphased
Happiness	70%	unhappy, dissatisfied	self content, positive
Calmness	74%	touchy, volatile	even tempered, tolerant
Moderation	58%	needs instant gratification	easily delays gratification
Toughness	74%	hypersensitive, moody	thick skinned
Impulse Control	54%	lacks self control	maintains composure
Imperturbability	66%	highly emotional	emotionally contained
Cool-headedness	62%	demanding, controlling	accommodating
Tranquility	62%	emotionally volatile	emotionally neutral
Intellect	42%	instinctive, non-analytical	intellectual, analytical
Ingenuity	54%	lacks new ideas	innovative, novel
Reflection	54%	unreflective, coarse	art and beauty lover
Competence	90%	slow to understand/think	intellectual, brainy
Quickness	78%	intellectually dependent	intellectually independent
Introspection	38%	not self reflective	self searching
Creativity	78%	dull headed	synthesizer, iconoclast
Imagination	50%	practical, realistic	dreamer, unrealistic
Depth	30%	lacks curiosity	mental explorer

Take Free Advanced Big 45 Personality Test

A series of unfortunate events

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey. "

Saw this very interesting movie. A bit depressing at times I should say.. but the movie ended on a positive note. Having 2 nieces, i do know that there are 13 books in the series, out of which, 11 have been written. I don't think I can begin reading the series till all 13 are written. Oh god, the suspense would kill me. Not that I cannot handle it.. but the movie is just written (yeah.. the movie IS written) in such a despairing tone, that it kinda makes one cling onto every ounce of hope, and you know.. that kind of sad stories are not for me. I mean, this is not the right time or the correct place. I mean, I have a bunch of serious, possibly thought provoking movies that I have yet to see, but have not only because of a strange foreboding that watching such movies will not be too good for me.

Speaking of which, i was trying to read "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne.. and the first few pages kept putting me to sleep. However, hope abides. I have found "The Godfather" at the local public library. A book that I have been intending to read for the past many MANY years, but which was never available at Purdue (Their copy was stolen.. those darned *&^$@&^%$ socks?). So, yeah... that's going to entertain me for a while. I also went to the mall this weekend and bought myself some books. A book collection for my kids (and myself) that I have started today. Not exactly today and not exactly for my kids. These are books I have wanted to reread (or read a non-abridged version of) since god knows when. I know that I only got into reading because there were so many books lying about the house (and having parents that encouraged reading helped of course). So, I bought "The adventures of Tom Sawyer", "The Count of Monte Cristo", "The Call of the Wild" and "White Fang". Well bound books, all for the good sale price of 20$. (buy 2 get 1 free hehehehe). And I had purchased a few books last time (though not as well bound.. and not such great books... but good books nevertheless:
"The Great Gatsby", "The Scarlet Letter" (That I will get down to reading eventually), and "O'Henry award winning Short Stories for 2003" (or something like that).

So, that's a start. Lemme see.. what other books do I have. "Siddhartha" and "The Alchemist" gifted to me by a good friend, "Allan Quartermain" (the continuation of King Solomon's mines... that I brought from India), 2 books of short stories by Isaac Asimov gifted to me by my sister, another Sci-Fi book gifted to me by my friends for a birthday (and another Asimov book too I believe.. they did gift me two books... don't recall it that well...bleh..sorry folks). Hmmm.. what else... "Lectures in Physics" by Richard P Feynman gifted to me by my profs at college, I E Irodov (ahh that classic book of Physics problems)... I think that is about all the books that I can care to remember.Oh.. Wait.. I Do have Mahatma Gandhi's "My Experiments with Truth" brought from India.. and a copy or two of the Bhagvad Gita (both gifted to me after I came here). I should also have a copy of the Hanuman Chalisa..and a few other books by Swami Vivekananda and Swami Ramakrishna Paramhamsa. Well well well. now I am beginning to really get boring.

Books.. I simply love books. But there is one thing I will never forget. Each and every exam, I would suffer from a severe case of sniffling, sneezing and nose-dabbing. At least for one day. It was like a known fact. I figured out the reason only recently... Dusty Books!!! Hehehe. I bet my parents will want to kick me now. But I never did too badly.

and I end with the quote from the movie "A series of unfortunate events" with which I began this rather bizzare and random blog

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

Kal Ho Na Ho

Listening to: "Kal ho na ho"

"Life is like sunlight, changing shape every second.
Sometimes it is dark with shadow..another, it is too bright and sunny
But savour every moment here on this earth....
For one can never be sure of a tomorrow"
(my personal translation of the first verse of the song)

I want to blog something. But my mind is simply too broken to think of anything worthwhile. Maybe the fact that it is almost 6am has something to do with it. Well, it still is going to be a nice day. When I wake up.

well, since I cannot think of anything else, how abt another song that I like?

Johnny Cash: Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

...
Lyrics

another of my fav songs

Glen Medeiros: Nothing's gonna change my love for you

If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young and we both know
They'll take us where we want to go
Hold me now, touch me now
I don't want to live without you

Lyrics

Another one...

Frank Sinatra: Strangers in the night

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wond’ring in the night
What were the chances we’d be sharing love
Before the night was through.

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.

Lyrics

Yeah... enough for now:-)

(p.s. I soo love robert miles... I was driving to that music today...so SO SOOO lovely but that's for another day)

Demands

Ever get the feeling that you don't deserve someone because all you have ever done was demand something from them but never have anything to give back? And you feel that that is so because you just don't know what to give, and all that you CAN give, they already have?

Finding Neverland

If you believe in fairies, clap your hands

*clap clap*

After all, growing old is compulsory, growing up isn't.

Crazy or what?

Ok... back to Chicago. Caught a train back to Chicago Prettty early in the morning. Anyways... the trip was pretty uneventful... I finished reading "Interpreter of Maladies" by Jhumpa Lahiri and realized that she has a pretty standard theme to most of her stories. They tend to revolve around academics, many of whom end up studying at MIT or similar institutions.. and their kids. Darned brilliant folk eh!! And she is pretty darned cynical about love and marriage. So.. that's the negative part. But maybe she is too much or a realist.. unlike me. I like to believe in all things being good and nice and that everyone (or almost everyone) is a great person.

Which makes this kinda funny as I now go on to make fun of this guy I saw on the train down to Chicago. He was this guy with a small CUUUTE smiley baby sitting two rows in front of me.. and talking across the aisle with another lady... about STAR WARS!!! Yep... that's right. he was a Star Wars nut. I mean... the whole 'Planters nuts' deal. He had read the star wars books and the comics, collected various figures.. played many star wars games (on the computer and in real life...) and so on.. and so forth. Not that it is anything bad... but I just found it interesting that someone can be THAT interested in a movie or a book and that a simple story can cause people to get that deep into something. I mean.. it isn't even real.. and he is talking of jedi moves and people 'learning' Jedi moves...
But then again... I have friends that are big into role-playing games (no no.. not THAT kind of role playin... just dressing up as wizards and so on casting spells etc and running around with fake swords etc). I guess it is a kind of way to bring some meaning into your life... find something to do.

Food's good

Went for lunch to Fazoli's. MmMMmmmm. Good food. And it was darned cheap too...especially this one dish that my friend showed me. Ate a lot. And as she said...the chocolate cake was reallly yummy. Too bad I was too stuffed to eat more than a bite. Bah.

Went to the lafayette brewing company for dinner with HKN (The Purdue EE honor society) (some friends in it actually...I never joined the society...it wasn't worth the effort) Decent food.

went bowling in the evening. I scored the lowest...BUT
My ruby ring (which is normally a dark opaquish maroonish red) glowed blood red under blacklight (UV ehh).
Wicked!!

Saw Napolean Dynamite. so so movie.
up till too late...now. 6:40 am...and I just had a shower as my hair felt icky. Bah.. have to wait till it dries out completely....

Dil Kehta hain...chal unse mil..uthte hi kadam...rukh jaate hain...
hum dil ko kabhi samjhaate hain...dil humko kabhi samjhaati hain
(hindi song lyrics... translated as... My heart tells me..go visit her..but my foot halts even before I get up.
Sometimes...it is the heart that consoles us... at other times, we have to console our hearts)

ri-rick..di-rick

Trains... that go ri-rick..di-rick... ri-rick di-rick. Swaying gently ... lulling it's passengers in a cocoon of steel. I have always loved trains. The disorganized organization in the stations.. the vendors selling books, food items, toys, chains and locks.. (all this in India of course...). And the 'coolies' The men in red shirts that carry luggage.. arguing with people. The train announcements in three languages.... In the midst of all that excitement, the train waits serenely.. arriving and leaving at it's appointed moment (usually) with no consideration for the shouts and screams of others. One sees people waving through the windows, peering through some searching for their loved ones... running to buy a last minute snack or reading material.

And once we are travelling.. it is another kind of life. Sitting down or sleeping... walking up and down a bit. making friends... or staring at the person sitting next to you or across from you. But most of the time, I would look outside the window. The second class coaches in india have open windows with grilled bars to prevent people from falling out. So, a brisk warm wind blows in most of the time. Of course, if it is raining or too cold, we get to close the window with a glass shutter or a steel shutter with vents.

And we fly past cities and towns... little villages consisting of a few houses, a cow or two grazing in the backyard. Fields after fields...brown, green or black depending on the time of the year. Sometimes, all one sees are rocky plains surrounded by rocky hilld. Some people wave to you. Sometimes, they are busy using the area as an open air bathroom and they rather you were not there to stare at them. But all the time, the train keeps flying past. Not waiting to give me a second glance of something... but like a film at a theatre... moving on all the time.

I spent a lot of time in trains yesterday. I caught a train to Purdue. The soft swaying of the train, the clicking of the wheels as they bounced from one rail to another.. all of it took me far away. And then there was the view from the window. villages and towns....a few lights in the distance...marking the presence of humanity. Trees swept by, dark and morose. Canals and shiny snaking rivers...

The beauty of it all kept me awake.

And then there was the book. 'The Namesake' by Jhumpa Lahiri. A very wonderful book. There were times when I looked up from the book, and away, to stop the onslaught of tears that seemed to be perched at the edge of my eyes. It spoke of love and confusion. Of family and responsibilities. I wanted to call my parents, tell them how much they meant to me, and always have. I have stayed aloof..and yet, I feel so close. Today, I realized that I know nothing of their childhood. Nothing of their actual dreams and desires. Their goals as children. Their lives. I have always assumed that they lived to take care of me and that I was their responsibility and that was that.

I feel awakened and caught in a cage. But I am confident and happy too. It is the knowledge that is important. I am young and flexible..and I do hope that I do not make the mistakes that I have learnt through other people. After all, in a sense, reading a good book means living the life of the characters.

the Godfather

Hmm.. I have ebooks on a website... the bandwidth limit is 50 gigs.. and in less than 15 days.. with no advertisement AT ALL...(just google indexing it)... 40 gigs have been used up.. so I had to cut it off...

what else...

been applying all over the place for a job. I know I am good, I have the skills and I am motivated. So.. I do hope to get a job soon.

I also want to travel.. see someplace new. Chicago is a great place.. but someplace different.. would be nice:-)

Well.. allergies are catching up. But it's lovely outside. So what if I sneeze a bit..sniffle a wee bit. It's amazing weather:-)

Started on Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake...

I don't know why.. but nowadays.. somethings seem to be affecting me more than normal. I always led a pretty distant life from others. I kept them at a distance.. even my parents and sis. I had great respect for them but I somehow felt that I kept them at a distance. I think it was my way of remaining unaffected by other people. My way of leading life with no distractions... But nowadays... reading about the affection for the child by parents... and other such mushy things are making my eyes moist. I mean.. it's like this pang of affection that brings a little bit of moisture to my eyes, a small contriction in my heart .. and it's gone.

"He who fears being conquered is certain of defeat." - Napolean Bonaparte
anyways... with eternal hope
I sign off

I'm lovin' it

It's a beautiful day
I love spring showers...
I love rain in general.. especially when the weather is nice and warm.. and you hear the pitter patter of raindrops. It takes me back to days gone by... and also brings me into a relaxed mood.
And I love the colours around me. Bright flowers.. entire trees in bloom!!! It really is beautiful.

I am a crazy guy eh. Wishful thinking... dreamy...and absolutely nuts in some respects...but I'm lovin' it (As the latest McDonald's ad goes...) I see some folks and I start putting myself in that position 2.. maybe 5 years from now. I see myself doing stuff...I see someone's face a lot too. As I said...I have become dreamy. But I am happy. And reading is nice.
But..I am becoming a bit too complacent.. getting used to my lifestyle.. NOT GOOD. So.. started working towards changing things:-)

God Bless ya folks... lets all enjoy the beauty that surrounds us and that God has given us (for you women.. that includes guys around you... and of course...I don't need to tell the guys anything;) )
Enjoy!!!

random tests

Ok... so.. I saw these tests/ surveys on a friend's website and decided to take them
The first one...
What age do you act

it says I am 18 years old :-p
(P.S. I am 22 years old... going on 23)

Then.. is this dating quiz.. lemme see how I rate on that one. I don't think that they will ever say anything negative about you.. but oh well.. here goes..
it's a dating profile test at Dating Diversions

Here is the entire thingie... pretty much what I already knew...

Your dating personality profile: Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate. Practical - You are a down-to-earth individual who is not impressed with material excess. You care about the stuff of like that really matters.

Your date match profile: Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind. Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Big-Hearted 2. Liberal 3. Practical 4. Wealthy/Ambitious 5. Intellectual 6. Traditional 7. Romantic 8. Adventurous 9. Sensual 10. Outgoing

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Intellectual 2. Traditional 3. Practical 4. Funny 5. Adventurous 6. Conservative 7. Stylish 8. Athletic 9. Sensual 10. Outgoing

Take the Online Dating Personality Quiz at Dating Diversions

listening to Yanni.. and going to get back to Naipaul's A Bend in The River.
Next is.. Jhumpa Lahiri's The Namesake:-)
Books are awesome :-)

plop...plop.....plopp

well.. not much updates.

I am at my aunt's place...so only on dialup. Spent some time downloading updates for this computer.....painnnful.
Also.. helped my aunt around the house.. fixed two toilet flushes (surprising myself...) and a leaky tap (again surprising myself)
well..I AM capable of some good work;)

Hmmm...
was theorizing ... I was soo busy in my teenage years.. what with studies and all that.. that I didn't have time to go through all that teenage angst stage and all. So.. now is the time for that to hit me. Or something like that

Also been getting plenty of sleep. 8 hours on average... compared to the 5-6 4-5 hours that I got at college. So.. have been dreaming a lot too. Of course...I don't recollect any dream after I wake up.. but they seem so real. In fact, I remember a dream in which I was so surprised about something that I hoped that it wasn't a dream.. and I convinced myself that it wasn't.. till I woke up.. when I realized that it was a dream. Sheesh. Confusing.

btw, I am concentrating on my job hunt. You can help me out by passing my resume to those that might be interested in hiring an electrical engineer. Thanks.:-)
resume

Any tips on improving my resume will also be appreciated. Just email me at mrokkam@rokkam.com

Have a wonderful day:-)

Gandhi

I saw Gandhi today. A truly inspirational movie. A movie of a man who stood for truth, love and principles. Today, I make a promise unto myself. I shall strive to stick to my principles. I shall remember that truth, and truth alone will be the victor, even if I lay as a minority of one. And I shall remember to love each and every person, no matter what they might have done. For love is the all encompassing and all overcoming power.

I truly admire the movie too. It is excellent. Watch it if you haven't already. Ask me.. and I will try to get you the movie.

handyman

well.. life is slow... more or less.
So...I was helping my cousin by doing some work for their basement... some wiring work .. that some firm was charging an arm and a leg for!!! So.. we were like.. uhmm..it's ok.. we'll do it:-). So.. that was a nice thing for the weekend. (and a little beyond). Errors were corrected.. workarounds used.. and with some help from my nieces.. the work got done :-D

I also came across some nice lyrics...
Beauty by Dru Hill
"Sorry, didn't notice you there
But then again you didn't notice me
So we'll remain passers by
Until the next time we speak
I hope that I can make you mine
'For another man steals your heart
And once your beauty is mine
I swear we will never be apart ...

Also.. need to finish up my taxes... yay. I'm supposed to get back 20$ !!!

I try to sleep early.. but it doesn't work....
for example...I wanted to sleep since 2 am (ok fine.. 3).. and people came online.. and I chatted.. and then had some file transfer stuff.. and Addy wanted me to find some lyrics...(I couldn't believe my ears that this dude from Delhi couldn't understand the hindi lyrics!!!)(bleh.. he probably was exaggerating) and .. see.. it's 4:30.

Ok.. sleeping now. Up by 10:30 :-)
adios

Update

update
I got rejected by Purdue for grad school
Just one school left.
so..going to be concentrating on getting a job now.

April already?

Time's moving fast. It's already April. It seems like I graduated just yesterday...
well... things haven't really changed much for me. But the past week has been a bit busier.

my nieces have had spring break. so.. been out of the house a bit. Went to a Children's museum where I played with soap bubbles and water fountains.. and air jets.. and flourescent materials...and black lights (Hey.. it's Funn and educational too!!).
Then... the field museum beckoned and I had a gala time taking the kids through it...though we hardly managed to see a quarter of the museum.
And today.. went for a movie.. Sin City.
In between were laced days without internet that I managed to face with no difficulty. I did not even feel a pang of withdrawal. A day night of watching Cleopatra with Liz Taylor...a four+ hour long epic ... which wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Just a footnote.
The past few months (actually .. more than just a few months) have been a bit new and exciting for me. You know why? Because I lost interest in techie stuff. it still was interesting and all. But now, I am more focussed on a different kind of learning. I am trying to learn more soft skills, people skills. I am trying to .. maybe .. look better, understand people better, use things other than just technical skills to take over the world. i.e. I am trying to become a bit more well rounded. There was a time when I thought that my brains alone should talk for me... but now I am working towards a more well rounded feel.

P.P.S. Sin City was so so. Not too great a plot. Acting was good to mediocre. Effects were decent. But Jessica Alba still looked soo good:-)

Something New

Well,

Reading War and Peace, arranging e-books, coding a wee li'l bit, sleeping forever. these have been some of my pastimes over the past few days. I now have a book to read... that I am looking forward to.. 'Treasury of Short stories'. It includes authors from around five centuries from all over the British Commonwealth (yes folks.. the Commonwealth... that once upon a time British Empire.. upon which, it was said, that the sun never set (i.e. "The sun never sets on the British Empire"). It starts off with a prose version of a poem by Chaucer .. and continues on with other magnificent works till recent times. 65 stories in all!! yet, as the intro says, to make an anthology is to place the attention on a few roses while ignoring all the other beautiful flowers of spring that are just as beautiful. But time is short.. and one has to make choices.
Speaking of spring.. is it here yet? It was snowing outside here when I last checked;). However various reports insist that the weather will warm up realll soon. Lets see.
I've been playing a bit with my nieces. And my rusty joints are beginning to creak;). And oh.. been listening to old songs galore. Yesterday, my uncle went down memory lane with www.raaga.com, listening to old songs from his time in India. This uncle was brought up in the US of A .. but he did his medical degree in India. And boy oh boy... he knows his Amitabh Bachchan. Some songs... my cousin hadn't listened to in like 20 years... songs from her teenage years..
songs from Disco Dancer... Silsila, ... Vijay,... etc :-) A bottle of wine ... and nostalgic music. Good Stuff.
And today was movie night along with shopping day. So a day of shopping at the mall for the kids (Outfits for a dance show that they are performing at the temple) followed by "Dude, where's the party" (hilarious movie) and followed by a bit of Cleopatra with Elizabeth Taylor. But then... the old folks and the young ones started falling asleep by midnight.. and the movie was paused.

Ohh totally forgot. I helped my cousin prepare the fish for her "Fish Fry". It came out great (hehehe... all credit to my cousin.. I only helped cut the fish) One niece made this awesome guacamole and another put the rice. And my poor cousin had to supervise us all. hehehe.

A few days ago, I had a dream. It seemed so realistic. 23rd morning... I dreamt a dream.. with my grandfather in it. He passed away in 2001, a few months after I came here. But he seemed so alive. His birthday's on the 20th of May. But somehow... in my dream, we ran up to him and wished him a happy belated birthday (we = my cousins and I). And we celebrated it. As we used to in days past. with a cake.. and balloons.. and all. It was a nice happy dream.. with a sad twist. Don't really remember it that well now.

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." and now I am tired of thinking...

Back

So....I finally finished the book last night. :-p. yeah. I just couldn't keep reading. The last few dozen pages was a lot of philosophizing... and Tolstoy just could not keep it as interesting as the rest of the book. I got an impression of someone forcing his views down my gullet which I didn't like. Anyways... considering that I finished the book, I should give a review. But I won't. War and Peace... go read it yourself:-p

I also found a page of one liners and added some of the ones I liked at the top of this page. The box refreshes every 30 seconds. So, u see a new thingie every 30 seconds. Quite a few over there....enjoy them. I had to figure out some coding to put the box there... but so kool!!!
:-)

that's where I was 'wasting' time instead of reading war and peace;)
the link for that page with one liners is under the related link

Page Count

Well,
I shall not post any more till I finish this book (famous last words??)

I mean... this is one book where I am actually using a book mark .. instead of just remembering where I left off...

ok.. I will edit this post as and when I read more

Latest count
1400/1444(44 pages left)(5am? ...too sleepy)

1353/1444(91 pages left)(8:45 pm)
1273/1444(171 pages left) (4:55am)
1220/1444 (224 pages left)
1168/1444 (276 pages left)

Slow Poke

I am totally, completely, absolutely disgusted with myself. I am reading War and Peace SO slowly.... barely a few dozen pages a day. And it isn't because the book isn't interesting. It's a nice plot line. Not quick paced.... but nice. And I don't completely agree with Tolstoy's way of putting his arguments.... but oh well, that's what makes the book more interesting. What I do instead... is arrrange.. and rearrange.. the ebook collection that I got now (though I doubt that I would be able to read all those books in my lifetime). And then... I go chat for a bit. And play with nieces... and woah... by the end of it... I barely get to read much. Darned I am slow. I need to make more time for it.
So.. I have set a goal. another 300 or so pages. I should finish it by ... say.. tomorrow. How does that sound? Good. That's my aim then.

Also saw Dodgeball yesterday. Lost a few braincells but I have to admire Ben Stiller's genius. I mean, it really takes genius to figure out how to give off an impression of being dumb. Yeah... (I know I know.. blondes have been doing it forever).
Well... it's a pretty good movie. Supposed to be PG13 but it's not really that clean a movie:-p.

Back to lunch and my book:)

Defining intelligence

yesterday...I started this post ... and then the computer hung. At that time, I was especially in the mood to write it. However, I will try to recreate it to some extent.

Well, I always wonder whether I am intelligent, or if it is just a thing of my ego. I was always a pretty good performer. School... intermediate (grades 11 and 12) and college. I did seem to have deteriorated throughout .. but it may have also been because I kept coming across better competition.
Now, I do believe that I give off this aura of being smart. People think I am smart. but am I really as smart as I behave? That I do not know. I do know that I need some kind of motivation to work. The last one year, I feel as if I have not done much brain work. My brain feels as if it is degenerating. Mainly because my classes last sem were pretty simple.. nothing compared to the earlier semesters. Reading is not really that much brain work.... so I am kinda bored. But then again, I do need motivation to work.
There was this time in a psych class that I felt that I perfectly fit a particular case. This was of people who wantedly sabotage their chances....so that they have an excuse for their bad performance. Maybe not study enough for a test. So, if I perform well, it is because I am smart...and if I didn't, well, I didn't work hard enough.
And then came the rejection letter from Stanford. Now, Stanford has been a dream college for me. I always wanted to go there. Even before my undergrad. So, it was a small jolt, though an expected jolt. However, rejection from Stanford may have been a blessing in disguise. I had applied for a PhD at Stanford .. but i am not sure if I could handle a PhD. So, yeah. At least, now I can plan for other things, now that Stanford has said no.

So.. I wondered if I could be considered intelligent. So very often, I feel like a fraud. And I took a few IQ tests. haha.. yeah.. one of Those!! www.iqtest.com , www.tickle.com, and even a test on mensa.org

iqtest.com: IQ of 156 (genius... less than 1% of test takers). I had taken this test a few months ago.. and I got a score of 149... (they then said it was equivalent to some profs / researchers or something.)
HAH!!

tickle.com: score of 133 on both the the IQ and the super IQ test. On top of that, they tell me
"The way you think about things makes you a Complex Intellectual. This means you are highly intelligent and have extraordinarily strong verbal and math skills. Compared to others you are a highly conceptual and complex thinker and are able to understand information in an abstract form. You also show great attention to detail. In fact, it's hard to find something you're not good at. Hahahahahahaahahaha

How did we determine that your thinking style is that of a Complex Intellectual? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you a Complex Intellectual. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities."

I feel Special

Ok... so... these made me feel better. But I was like... what's the use.
so I went to a mensa test. I managed to get 23 correct out of 30. That IS pretty good they told me!!
So.. well.. maybe I am decently smart. Hmmm. I do feel better..in a sense.
but how do I become better? I do think I need better goals. and I need to work harder. But laziness and lack of motivation slow me down. But not enough I do believe:)

Short Stories

When I was in school, I loved reading. The day before school started, when we went and bought our text books, my mom, my sister and I would each grab hold of one of the many english and non-detailed books that we bought for our classes, and finish them up one by one. Ahh the fights for who gets to read what first.
So Much Fun.
That was when I fell in love with short stories.
Reading Jeffrey Archer's short stories is taking me back to those days. And of course, there are so many touching short stories
Old Love
Colonel Bullfrog
The Hungarian Professor
Christina Rosenthal
Clean Sweep Ignatius
The Century
A La Carte
... are some of my favourites from this book.
of course.. there are many more.
One of my fav short stories of all times...
is "After Twenty Years" by O'Henry (William Sidney Porter)
Another is "God sees the truth but waits" by Leo Tolstoy

well... do read them if you can. I am off to finish up this book. (The Collected Short Stories - Jeffrey Archer)

Edited to add links to stories

Read a bye baby

Well,
As I don't really have anything much to do except wait, and since the weather does not really encourage much outdoor exploration, I have set myself onto something that I really enjoy. reading.

So, I have been reading for the past few days. Not that I ever really stopped reading. But now, I read almost all day. I have finished half of "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy....
read The Great Gatsby
reading short stories by Jeffrey Archer, short stories that won the O'henry prize. I also have a bunch of e-books that I intend to read soon. I found a lot of them on www.manybooks.net where you can find a lot of books that were published in the 1920's or earlier as they don't really have much of a copyright problem. I also found a website called www.fictionlib.ru that has some nice books.

I was discussing books with this other friend, who happens to be an English Literature major, and I realized that there were a lot of books that I had read as a child. But I hadn't read read the books. I had read a lot of them without really appreciating them. And the more he analyzed some books, the more I felt I should read those again. in fact, any book that I haven't read in at least the past 3 years should be fair game.

so, right now, I am into the classics. Lets see how much I can read:)

Slap me stupid

yeah.. slap me stupid if I dawdle around and end up at the same subject every time

my nieces sold me 6 boxes of girl scout cookies (Though my cousin just ended up paying for them herself).
I ate half a box of thin mints. And the rest stare at me accusingly ... as I haven't tasted them yet.
Taste me... each box says.
I have managed to hold out for a day and a half now.
How much longer?

God give me the strength to deny myself such delicious and tasty and sweet (I see some resolutions crumbling again)
Ahhh... soft cookies that crumble in your mouth....
darn.
God Give me strength to exercise so that I can afford to eat these cookies

yeah
amen

Explaining myself

People say that one does not need to explain oneself. But I have often felt this urge to explain myself. Atleast some parts of me.
Power Corrupts
Some of the most profound lessons I have learnt are from my servant maid's son. This dude was my play buddy when I was in my lower grades since I didn't really have many friends in the area. My friends never came over, and I never sought friends outside of school. However, since he was the servant maid's son, I often bossed over him. Or tried to. This led to resentment in the dude... which I can never forget. I called him proud and arrogant, and yet I admired him for his spunk. And we had fun. He probably liked my company too coz I was a rich guy (relatively) playing with him. Over time, I grew up... got busy with my education and other friends. He was around and came to meet me once in a while, but now, the relationship was much more formal. The important thing for me, that I learnt how power corrupts. I would often demand that he do something and I would get mad if he didn't do it. Today, I can look back and laugh at my behaviour. But, at the same time, I see such acts in real life. Many people, powerful people, NATIONS.. all behave in the same way. But forcing someone to do something never works. Just give them what they need and they will do anything for you. In the case of the servants, force didn't work, not really. It took me a while to realize it, but when I did realize it, I understood that what they needed was respect. And I understood that they deserved it. (Of course.. there are limitations on everything, and one has to be careful not to be fooled and one has to maintain some amount of reserve to be able to command respect back.. blah blah blah)

Love is a need
You know, before I wrote this next set down, I wondered whether I should write it down like this. This scientific kind of analysis of love is not really nice. It removes the magic and the fireworks that surround love. But it's the only way I can explain my behaviour. So, here it is...
Yes I am in love. But love is also a need. Just like friendship. I need company, I need a soulmate. Hence, the need for love is especially high now. I have time on my hands, and little company. Hence love will be higher in my mind than normal. But, thats not why I am in love. I am in love because I find something in her that I really like. I have time on my hands, so I tried to analyze what I liked about her. Some things are apparent. some aren't.
So, the facts are
1) I like her very much
2) I know some of the things that make me like her

now, I also know that she may or may not like me. I cannot force her to do something. All I can do is love her. But I also believe in not destroying myself. So, I am also always looking for those characteristics that I like in a person.
See, in a perfect world (for me), things would be just that... perfect. But this world is not perfect. So, what can I expect from it? Nothing .. right? So, I love her... and I leave it at that. If I ever find someone else, so be it.. I will still love her, simply because of what she is.

Some people think that I am becoming depressed. News comes back to me that people say "He was a good guy. What is happening to him now?". It's interesting to me. I know I go through kind of mood swings. there are times when I get a bit down. But in the long run, I am happy:). That's my goal in life right? ;)

Ok. My nieces are around and I don't think I can write much more...gotta play with them. maybe next time:)

blood donation and more

Well, yesterday, as I was walking through PMU, I saw that they were accepting blood donations. Now, I have always wanted to donate blood. But EACH and every time there was a blood drive nearby, I had an exam the very next day. So, I thought..ok I am going to donate blood. I walk in, fill up a bunch of paperwork and approach the nurse. She goes through it and says... when did you get back from India. I say.. March 20th, 2004. She's like.. uhmmm I think you have to come back after that date as you have to be in the US for 1 year.
I was like... whaaa?? I mean. 1 year... it's been 11 months and 1 week. Oh well. I didn't say all that. I quietly said ok, took the EXTRA LARGE T-shirt she offered me and walked out. (P.S. Why do I always get free T-shirts that are too large for me??).

I mean, I mustered up courage.. and they turned me down. Nothing I could do

In other news, my faith in people just went up. My friend lost his phone and since we are on a family plan, I called att to find out if I could suspend his line till he got a replacement.
1st rep: puts me on hold all of a sudden, and just hands it to a different rep
2nd rep: nice.. but tells me that the other line was the main line (Though I added it later...some goof up someplace), and so both phones would be suspended. Any question I asked got the standard response: "Unfortunately, no sir, we cannot do anything about that"
I asked for her to call her supervisor. She puts me on hold for 10 mins, and comes back saying her supervisor says I should take another plan temporarily without free nights and weekends and a whole bunch of other crap
Then, I call her super.
3rd rep: Just as bad. No interest in solving my problem.
I say, ok, will discuss with friend and call back regarding new sim etc.

4th rep: Nice and sweeeeet!!! She said she could give me free nights and weekends without extending my contract!! Something the 2nd and 3rd reps refused to do. I mean, she was soo sweet. Even told me that posting the sim would cost me 10 bucks .. which I could save by going to the store.

so.. all said and done... there are good people in this world:)

-Mohan.

Fear

I am afraid of the past
Will it decide to haunt me?
I am afraid of the thought
for it dances out of my reach
I am afraid of my heart
because it never was mine

Wet Moustache

I have a moustache. I didn't used to have one for a wee bit since when I started getting facial hair and now... but, otherwise, I have had a moustache almost all the time since 10th grade or so.
I took it off a few months ago, just to see if I looked better, but my dear fashion conscious niece told me that I looked better with a moustache AND a small goatee right under my lower lip, sorta like the one that Aamir Khan sported in Dil Chahta Hain. So, that's my facial hair for now.

Today, I was walking back, across campus, with two plastic bags in my hands (cookies, yogurt, and frozen parathas). The distance was over a mile. And it was flurrying... or watevering. small flakes of snow were falling all the time... but it wasn't really accumulating as it was warm enough for most of the snow to melt.
But the problem was... some flakes kept LANDING ON MY MOUSTACHE!!!. Then, they would melt.. and the water just sat there between my hairs. Some darned surface tension explanation I bet. Now, each time I took a breath, the presence of the water made my nose feel that something was dripping out, and I began to see images of a kid with a runny nose. Eagh!!
So... the moment I came home, I dumped my bags, took out my handkerchief, and wiped my nose and moustache CLEAN!!

whew.

though I do wonder why I did not think to carry both bags with one hand and wipe the moustache with the other. Maybe the belief that no matter what, as long as I was outside in the snowfall, my moustache would keep getting wet. And I am no spider to keep repeating my actions every time!!!

Change

For a few days, I have tried to look at my behaviour from an external point of view. So, rather than think of me and mine, I was trying to see how people would see my behaviour. And all of a sudden, it struck me that I was becoming someone that I myself would disdain. So, I am trying to change back to what I was.

Now, I was also wondering if food was the cause of my behaviour. I think I have become more pensive, serious (atleast compared to my earlier self). I am not as active as I used to be. I have also cut down my sugar intake (drinking water instead of cool-drinks/soft-drinks/soda/pop basically). Though I remember reading that sugar intake does NOT make a person hyperactive, I am not sure. So, I used to be hyperactive... and I am not THAT hyperactive. So, should I go back to drinking soda-pop and all so I become hyperactive again??;)

There is this one guy. A freaky looking guy. He never opens his mouth. Only stares. A friend believed that she was stalked by him all of last semester. Now, that she is away, I am seeing this guy all over the place. My only question is... is he stalking ME now?? that's a scary thought...

btw, my roommate/host is playing tragic old hindi songs right now making me cringe.... so, I have to cut this post short while I go strangle him.
Cya

Dreams

I have dreams
I was sitting yesterday and thought... what are my dreams? What do I want out of life? What do I want to see in my future?
and then I thought I would put them down in my blog.

maybe my dreams are kinda typical. Everyone wants the same things...

well, in my dreams, I am happy. And I see myself as happy, not with money, but with life. I am doing something I enjoy (atleast to some amount). I make enough money to support myself, as well as my hobby of travelling. I have a soulmate who understands me, and I will spend time and effort making her happy too. I will have enough time leftover from my job to spend time doing things that I enjoy (i.e. it does not take up all my life).

wow.That's all the dreams I have for the future. I always thought they were bigger and more detailed.

people have often asked me where I would like to settle down. I have always claimed to like India. And I do. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really care. I like India for the excellent family support, the whole homely feel, and other small things that one enjoys there. The US is just... comforts, that I think I can make do without. In the end, it boils down to where life takes me. As Sean Connery says in "The Untouchables", (or something to this effect): ~Don't wait for it to happen. Don't even hope for it to happen. It will happen anyways. Just handle it when it happens.~

I have always put women on a certain pedestal. At least, women that I respect. But yesterday, that pedestal slipped down a few notches. Just a sad situation at a party.

Oh yes, I really need to work on poetry:-). Got so much encouragement from all you people.... maybe I should let loose some of the masterpieces from my childhood;)

"Twinkleless twinkleless little moon.
How I wonder what you croon
down below the galaxy so low
like an aeroplane going so slow
twinkleless twinkleless little moon
how I wonder what you croon"

Mwuahahahahaha

Moments of thought

~rant~

I have a sinking feeling at the bottom of my heart. Somewhere right above my stomach and just below my sternum. It feels like I am drowning in a sea of endless waiting and that weight in my heart is pushing me lower and lower...towards some remote distant doom.
My horoscope today morning, told me, "You may want a speedy resolution. But uncertainty is what keeps things interesting."

Interesting eh? At this stage of life, I feel like I just need to keep going with the flow.. but the flow seems to have stopped. My brain feels like mud... and my heart feels like pulp. You know, it is times like this that bring out the worst in men. I have always believed that the United States has such a high incidence of wierd crimes because of loneliness. People do wierd things when they have nothing else to do. Here at Purdue, I have spent the past few days meeting up with people. From my freshman year till my graduation. I have met most of the people that have made a difference (and many that really didn't) that are still at Purdue. Now, I have once again reached the stage where I don't know what to do. The activity around me spurs me on to doing something, but what?? People are busy. They have classes to attend, homeworks to do, papers and projects... and here I sit, without a joule of work. I don't like to disturb those that are busy, and maybe that is my problem. And of course, crazy thoughts.... enter my brain. My heart begins to throb with pain and my soul begins to wail a sad song of anger and deceit

It is at times like this that I begin to dream of a soulmate. A friend that I can talk to without worrying about what their impression of me is or wondering what they think of me. Till today, I am yet to find someone like that. And I don't think I ever can. After all, I seek someone so perfect that it can only be god. And I don't believe that I can talk to god. I still remember my first "best" friend. I called him my best friend and he said that someone else was his best friend. My next "best" friend was the same too. After that, I no longer said that someone was my best friend. They were good friends. Maybe I was selfish because I wanted ONE friend, all for myself. At times, I felt that the only reason that anyone was friendly with me was because I was good at studies. But I think I lack something. So, I am not "best" friend material. I may just lack social skills, or that intuition that so many people seem to have.

I do sound pathetic right? Yeah... this is a self centred rant. I almost always talk about myself because I know I cannot offend myself. But that makes me self centred. And so, I try to ask people about their lives... but I just feel nosey. What do I do?

Well, I was feeling really low just a wee bit ago. I was going to blog a sad blog. But that was before I came online. But V's message on the previous blog kinda spiced up my thoughts.. and I just could not go on being depressed. So, I was actually able to analyze my behaviour. I Think. Bleh. Writing this blog makes me think of things other than depressing things...

BTW, yesterday, I decided I should try my hand at poetry.
The outcome was this miserable stanza

My eyes fly over letters...
pages fly by
but nothing I remember
coz she is in my eye

I leave you with that.

bored

All play and no work makes Mohan a dull boy

Desires

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"Well, then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?"

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take siestas with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

This always makes me question myself as to what I desire, and what I need.

Today, I hope to affect a change in my behaviour. Very often, it happens that I know my mistakes, and yet am unable to change my actions to correct myself. Maybe because it is mostly just a passing thought that I should do something or I should not do something. But now, I have decided exactly what I am going to do and what I will avoid. Hopefully, setting those boundaries will help me improve myself.

Realization

Realization is slowly sinking in.... with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and a stabbing pain at the bottom of my heart. But then, there is a kind of hope that fights the realization and absolutely refuses to agree. It's an internal strife that will kill me I say, if I don't get something to do. But one thing, every day teaches me more about myself and about others.

It's Gone Again

The toilet paper. It's gone holidaying again!! aaaaaargh

EDIT:
P.S. Yeah... So I was searching in some cupboards for the tp when the door bursts open and two women walk in (my friends' friends). So, feeling shy, I decided to go for my shower. As I left the house to go meet some other friends.. I saw it. It was lying on the couch!!! IN the drawing room!!! STARING at me and laughing!! What Cheek!! I mean.. since when was toilet paper left on the couch in the drawing room??

Friends!!

It is definitely a lot of fun staying with friends.. especially when they are nice to you. I am right now crashing at a friend's place... and oh man... I almost feel like I am back at college. It's sooo untidy( feels soooo homely!! aah!!)... the doors stay open... people walking in and out... I got an air matress in the floor all to myself, with a sleeping bag to cover myself:-D. They have wireless internet that works intermittently... one of the guys' girlfriend bought him a foosball table for V-day.. so we play foosball at 3am, go out for grub at 3:30am:-D. There's company at meals coz someone is almost always as hungry as you.

Now. If only we could solve the mystery of the disappearing toilet paper. These guys are too lazy to go buy anything. ANYTHING. (Other than booze of course;) ). So... they have one roll of toilet paper between the two bathrooms (I think hope they ran out....) So.. this roll of toilet paper is my only hope of salvation when nature calls. Bleh. And this very roll decided to hide at that very moment!!! Like.. I see it one day... in one of the bathrooms... and the next day... it goes into hiding. Aaargh!! I search the cupboards, the sinks, the racks... I mean... where can a single roll of toilet paper run off to???
Sometimes.... desperate times call for desperate measures. One has to anticipate the appearence of the tp and act accordingly.. and oh yes, take advantage of any other friend that you visit, if they have a clean restroom:-)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Went to the Neon Cactus yesterday night with a bunch of friends. I was happy to see a lot of familiar faces. I guess engineers like to party too;). I also dropped in at my home away from home (once upon a time)... the computer lab at MSEE. Met a bunch of people there too...
basically... met a lot of people yesterday:-)
yay:)

Words...

I often believe that I Iack the ability to express my feelings or thoughts very well.
However, I often come across words in books that seem to echo my innermost beliefs.
Today, I came across another such extract in 'Mother' by Gorky:

Mother: "What a way you have of talking Andruysha!"
Andruysha: "What kind of way?"
"As if nobody ever hurt you."
"Is there a soul unhurt anywhere on earth?" he said with a smile, getting up and shaking his head. "They've hurt me so much I don't notice it anymore. What can you do about it , since people are like that? It just interferes with your work if you notice it, and it's a waste of time to brood over your hurts. That's the way life is! I used to get angry with people, but then I saw it wasn't worth while. Everybody's afraid his neighbour's going to wallop him, so he tries to catch him on the nose first."

That's the way I often feel and behave... but I wonder if such apathy is good in life. But I cannot behave otherwise.

"The dogs may bark, but the elephant continues on it way, unaffected, undisturbed, and with focus on it's mission" - Approximate translation of a proverb my mom always told me.